i’m listening to the recording we did during band practise yesterday and it makes me cringe, jump-out-of-a-window styles listening to myself sing though some parts i think wow i invented singing!

my favorite is the in-between parts of songs where there are little mistakes and me burping.

the zoom recorder was being a bitch and kept turning off and it took us forever to realise that it sounded like total ass only out of the PA but via the headphones, it was kind of professional.

the general concensus is psychotic insecurity so no one is allowed to hear the “test” yet which sucks. i was like DAD YO THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO HEAR THIS! and he is like LIKE HELL THEY ARE!

he lectures me a lot about being a big rockstar/showboat who doesn’t have the right to be bragging ‘cos not like they’re that good a singer and it’s funny because i don’t ever brag about singing, i rarely talk about it, he just gets worried about my saying that a trillion people will be into it for novelty’s sake and he will die of embarassment if we are mediocre and i keep telling him you know, people in bars and pubs are dumb and don’t notice fuck ups or anything, i could be clanging on a metal garbage can and singing backwards and it would be good enough.

the only thing that it wouldn’t be good enough for would be snotty asshole blog comment hacks. this is what matthew good told me, more or less. he used the word snotty and asses to describe high-standard music critics gone web. personally, i equate them with the comic book store owner on the simpsons.

funny yet annoying and mean.

ok, take away the funny part.

i think my dad is just playing the recording to crack the whip so i will actually practise and maybe smoke less and talk less, i dunno.

the instruments sound fine to me, it’s just my voice that is bothering me.

i’m sick of hearing me and everytime we practise i start to think that they’re all getting sick of it too so i feel like i am being rude when i am singing my part.

which is silly i know but i still can’t help feeling that way.

i think i drank away all of my self-esteem.

humble is fine i suppose.

perhaps i missed the upper-management material boat?

matthew good said i should be a sea captain.

hmm.

i’ll probably just draw retarded forever until i make a picasso or something.