if i was uglier they might like me more and if my writing was rant-less they might hire me and if you had been nicer to me and did the nasty with me i wouldn’t have cheated on you with my ex because you were busy pleasing yourself instead of laying me because i was smoking all of your weed and being driven around all over the city by you taking photos of everything and behind my back you were coking women and i had no idea because i was in such a delusional cloud of insecurity and fear and you kicked me out the nite before the sex tv interview and i had to do it in my ghetto apt. instead with my friends in the next room listening to me blow it, completely.

i finally figured out in the car with you that you wanted someone to be mean to you because you were use to that sort of thing but that is not what i do i can’t be mean to people i am loving and i told you this on bathurst outside of sneaky dee’s and you kinda giggled and went silent because you knew i was right and then we were on spadina and you were going to push me out of the car and it was moving and i was like fine i can’t fucking handle this anymore, i was ready to leave you at any given time because you were such a monster, a complete monster of a man

but at the last moment you grabbed the strap of my shoulder bag and said you just couldn’t do it you couldn’t bear to see me go or some other controlling crap like that but you did take my cigarette and throw it at my window and hot sparks of cigarette flew all over my everything and it hurt but i sat there and took it over and over again and your roommate hated me ‘cos i was always there and he was your best friend and best friends should never be roommates when one has a terror of a companion because she is in this terrible mess

and everyone knows what is going on they see it at parties in public in homes you are always there and she is smiling and laughing and drinking and drugging because she is so ashamed that she is raymitheminx suppose to be this big strong badass and she is with this man who is destroying her and destroying hisself at the same time and now he is friends with all of her friends and has effectively convinced them to see his side of it all because they all live down the street from each other and have blogs now and they miss her they say because they inevitably realised that hey this girl was a nice girl to us, we used her, she paid for everything, she let us move in, we stole her shit and lied about it she had all these parties she let everything happen for us

no wait she is crazy, crazytheminx, heheh that’s pretty funny, eh

focker, you spat in my face, you smashed my stuff, you locked me out on the balcony in the winter and i was naked you put hot pizza in my face you got me to quit my job to “take care of me” and you gave me zero money i had to beg borrow and move on and go away

fuck you loser, fuck everything about you, you have my friends and you constantly lie to them about everything because you are a user, abuser and a loser

i am not afraid of you anymore

you didn’t have the courage to punch me in the face

you’re nothing but a heatbag

ps it is in your better interest to get around to emailing me and transferring all of that website info over to me, i have waited long enough, some people are trying to get their act together and it’s hard with your constant delay. you have ’til the end of the week. thank you.

pps good luck with the rest of your life and yes i will never get over this.