than asked me what i did and i said that i self-destruct and that i live to insult and basically i consult people on what is cool these days and what is not and i say that i can predict the future of cool and he is like how high is your iq and i said i dunno i took that test and they were like skip her a grade or send her to french immersion and i said no because i was fanatic i suppose about staying where i was and he was like mine is 150 and i said i didn’t doubt that and then he was like the band and i was like marketing and he was all you belong in new york and i said yeah but i am all canadian and shit right now and i will not ever try and set up shop as a second class citizen unless i know for sure i’ll be able to eat and he is like kerouac woah and i was like wall street, fantastic.
and then i told other guy that the title of his book was “amazing” and there was a period at the end of it and the cover was black and the letters were white and they were embossed and the text was all grey, i was trying to be weird and profound and i felt pleased that it came off as bizarre and amusing only to myself and they were probably like whatever you self-obsessaphobe.
and i said dude i am the ambassador of toronto let’s go take a tour and so we drove him around and i was like that is where prostitutes are that is a fire hydrant this is tourist town and fil explained everything i said in english to than and than was like this is the best tour ever and we were like a go-kart and i remember i had said earlier i aspired to being intoxicated. nice.
and so we are at the bovine and i am wearing pearls and unfortunately not wearing a sweatband on my head and this girl is like i OWN this bar and i think she meant it literally she got me a jager and i was like no malibu and she said YOU ARE IN MY BAR SO YOU DRINK WHAT I SAY and then i was fine with that.
and her “homegirl” asked if i had hpv when i asked to chase that vomitshot with her beer after they ransacked our fucking smokes and i am like hpv? how about assume i am cleaner than you are and she is like NO there is this thing going around here and i said I DO NOT EVEN LIVE HERE ANYMORE!
Bovine may as well change its name to NYC.
yeah so i, definitely today, have the day-after-booze-blues and i am trying to decide what to do about it other than write and think and obsess about it.
