here’s the rice no one ate but me

i am this close to not going to panama

i feel like i have an ulcer

i dunno whatto do and i feel like i am bringing down everyone around me with my drama and annoying them to no end i just fuck, gotta do my own thing for awhile. i really do wanna go and i am gonna go but we’re going as friends or i’m not going at all i haven’t grown or done anything of any use for a long time and it’s time i fuck my bootstraps and collect my shit

i love him and i always will i just can’t deal right now

i have my own shit to sort

i don’t want to give the wrong impression by going

and i don’t want to give the wrong impression by not going

you are my whole world and that’s not right

i forget myself too much my things my interests

i cant change how i feel im becoming too mean a person too cynical and that’s not my way to say such curse things

but sometimes you have to be blunt and people have to be brought down to size and see that if they wanna carry on as they do they gotta find someone else to put up with their shit

being friends

best friends

is the most i can offer right now

we are far too similar it’s like arguing with myself for hours and hours and i really do not want to punch you in the face or make a hole in your wall

and i’ve been drinking far too much

i would do anything far too much just to vent my frustrations and that’s not safe or smart or good at all in any way

and im afraid that once we’re there something dumb will happen and you’ll be jailed or i’ll be jailed and then what do we do?

we’re not healthy for each other

i cant be your mom anymore

i love you dearly and you know that

i have to be alone for awhile

we’re still the dreamteam