he told me his name was rod gear but i didn’t believe him really. he was in the bar with his mates at the imperial college where i was studying journalism in london. his friends were calling me saffron of republica fame on account of my new red punky bob thing of a hairdo. i got up on the table and kicked some drinks over. i was 17. rod was a custodian and had keys to every campus building, dormitory, you name it. we walked back to my dorm on montpelier, him and his bicycle and a few drunken skeezers from the school i went to. there were a bunch of fat gossip queens sitting in the foyer and i knew i’d be in trouble if they thought i was up to no good so i said i was sneaking my cousin rod to crash in my room for the nite, he’s only in town this one nite and he’s leaving for wales in the morning. they bought it save for one going up the stairs after me is he your first cousin kuz he’s HOT.

i stashed him in my room and locked the door. he had to piss i said no way go out the window and he did for like ever and i panicked kuz the nite previous all the boys upstairs got in shit for pissing off their balcony so i told rod to finish off in the plant. heh.

there was a knock at my door and it was a teacher looking for this dumb bitch who he thought was staying in my room but really the one next door to me. (that is a long and important story in and of itself which i’ll tell you about later. cunty bitch). so i said no it’s lauren not sylvie and the teacher stood outside my door for 5 minutes and rod was eating me out the entire time.

when it was over i was like c ya.