i want to go to the cheese shoppe right now and eat handfuls of aged gouda and this other mysterious italian cheese

and i want to wear my old man shoes

and old man hat

and say old man things

to other old men

i snuck into my ex-boyfriend’s room yesterday and saw he had a file called, “raymi is a slut” and innit were all these pictures of me

i was so baked so i left what was suppose to be a profound message on his desktop

i know others who live in that house

i didn’t actually break and enter

that would be crazy

it smells like nail polish right now

which reminds me, i wanted to put on some new nail polish

and watch the rest of the the professional

“You don’t like Beethoven”

i need to take iron pills or eat more or not eat less or get a job where being skinny pays off ’cause all this light-headedness is getting me nowhere but the kitchen floor. i’m not dieting, i’m just not really eating. much. but it’s SO h o t.

i have not weighed one hundred and tweny one pounds since i was in grade nine.

it’s great. i buy new jeans and after a week they no longer fit.

i fall all over the place and can’t do any laundry.

i’ve been a right cunt.

i got these campers-type shoes and i can’t stop thinking of them being cummed all over.

i’m dirty and i don’t care.

could be worse

i could be christina aguilera

ew

abner said this about me. we hated him at first but now we love him.

I find Raymi to be disgusting, awful and totally self destructive and self loathing. And I can’t resist it. It’s getting damned addictive. I must hit her site 2 or 3 times a day. It’s like being drawn to a beautiful rattlesnake. I can’t jack off to her pictures or anything because of the self loathing it would engender in me. It’s just that powerful. She’s a little girl and she’s a Mati Hari. She’s awfully ignorant and she is wise beyond her years. She doesn’t mind being ignorant and I don’t think she likes being wise. She can write racist comments and Tony will ignore them completely. Emotionally, she’s a complete mess and artistically she is very talented. She likes to fight and argue and she fears to love. She’s sweet and she’s vinegar. She thinks and talks about sex all the time but I not sure is all that active at it. She loves to display her body and receive allocades for it. She doesn’t want to fuck in conjunction with her art or in order to be sucessful. She’s deviant but she’s not a whore. She loves to entice men to write her and send her pictures so that she post them on pervert site. It is the worst blog no doubt and very, very compelling.

he’s a crabby ex army guy.

and then someone said this

I have not made up my mind about raymi yet. Is she starved for attention? Is her ego so huge that she must be famous? There is a pic of Jack Kerouac on her site now. She claims to be related to him. ok.

So, perhaps she is trying way to hard to be diffrent from Kerouac and i can understand why. People will have expectations. so she shatters your expectations completely and is nothing close to Kerouac. But, what we desperatly need in the world today is some Kerouac. So go with it. Do him proud. But dont insult or shame the name of Kerouac by being blatantly retarded……….

i have always had an inner script, before during and after reading kerouac. i read catcher in the rye 3 times before i was 12 years old.

i just want to say my words to people and i don’t want to be punched in the face. ever. i’m like a nice long, slow-mo car accident. we see the inevitible but we can’t stop it. just let it happen and stick around long enough to pick up the clutter.