the other day i did the stand-up tanning thing, you know, when you gotta stand there and hold the sweaty straps, the fan blasting up yer cootch and in yer face and you get these silly goggles….anyhow, i’m wearing myself a purple pair with this totally warped-out elastik strap, so i am trying to tighten it, it flicks off and the thing falls to my feet. now, with my eyes closed, cuz i’m all paranoid, don’ t wanna risk sun spots and have my retinas burned-to-shit – i am trying half-assedly to piece this thing back together. No luck, it’s hopeless. i squinted my eyes so titely, when the 8 minutes were up, the sunLamps turn off, it took for fucking ever for my eyes to adjust to natural lighting. i stumble and fumble around for a bit, trying to get my shit together, i fuckin’ put my underwear on inside-out, and didn’t realize until 3 hours later, when i went to the can.

hmmm, what else can i tell you…

oh yeh, there seems to be a cupple guys stalking me as of late, but i won’t say much about ‘em, they drop into my blog from time-to-time. wouldn’t wanna piss ‘em off and have them follow me home and then fuck my dead body in the back of their pedophiliac vans. it’s kinda spooky, i admit. my coffees are pre-paid for sat’day mornings though, from the mysterious dude(s).

i spilled beer all over myself thurs’nite, i was making a valid statement, sumwun knocks my elbow causing the frikkin’ brew to just dump itself all over my crotch. however, the sad thing about it, i try to re-enact what happened to my friend who was in the toilet at the time and missed the whole event, whilst doing so, i spill beer all over myself again

i’m cut off….