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checking out pictures from friday has just tipped my stoner fog back into the boozy whirlwind tornado what was this night. i am actually overjoyed, well, happy to be granted a ticket back in time to it it’s way better than my current reality ha jokes i should just start emo tweeting again. i remember this night but the pictures make it seem all more surreal, especially cos lucas took them (thanks buddy). i was free for a night (from being house photog) but i still came out with badges of glorious memorable honour. here’s why i never made it to dodgeball. i know i would have been a killer on the court considering how i am a champion mental case at the motion room and all and turning into an olympiad. i am pissed at myself for missing it but oh well, there’s always next year.

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first it took a mighty attempt to get me out of my room.

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then i touched down on jupiter.

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36 people human birthday cake for will munro. we have our candles still. amazing.

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fuuuuuuuuuuck you belly shirt see. i gave no cares. i was goin’ lez. i look terrible here but it is a vast improvement from what i looked like when stew arrived.

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i wrote love is the meaning of life on the naked body of a dragstar. i changed my mind. love is not the meaning of life. it is the pursuit of life. the meaning of life is to be miserable in the pursuit of love. i am going to start focusing on myself more, and be my own champion and idol. every time i trip up on love it fucks up everything and gets in the way of my game. from now on i am pursuing NOBODY. they have to come and get me and they had better be 10’s. that’s my plan that’s that.

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what’s this i dunno backstairs patio. where was i? dancing i think.

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gay music is amazing it’s so primal, it’s got to be. it’s brave to be gay it takes courage so you need mate anthems, jungle adrenaline. there are so many songs i heard i wish i could hear again. no idea how to track them down or to even describe what it is i think i heard.

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we consumed three of the peniseclairs. we were animals. all in the exact same kinda bender state. i love my friends for this. i mean. we were a village on the run. together.

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i must have slammed into many people.

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visually and physically.

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calm before the karaoke storm.

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robin black was there (you can see his name). he sang. i went alone to karaoke here one night and then received a mean comment about it on my blog the next day, i don’t think anyone is going to leave robin black a mean internet comment for going out on a karaoke date that treatment is purely reserved for yours truly. the feeling of being watched by creepy mean people is a sick feeling up your spine. i also wasn’t totally alone i was talking to mary. i sang and left to meet the kids at mezzrow’s, it was after a date that sucked and i was drunk. you may have seen me, but are the sight unseen. burn on you.

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jesus how flinstones is this? my prehistoric bun hair and melodie’s cavewoman print. i’ve never typed this word before EVER nor here but i’m gonna say it now because it’s entirely applicable: AMAZEBALLS.

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next singer raymi!

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an applicable track choice.

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imagine me singing crying and then i start crying. AGHAHAHa awww haha sigh.

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went back to the beav our sloppy parade kept-a-going.

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my message was still there.

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dancing in the light. the blue t-shirt is the guy who followed us from the gladstone.

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very hip night. full of love and light and rejoicing, well wishing in the winter, in a foggy gay dance catacomb it really lifted me up. putting lots of things into perspective.

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me and the dude. see how i kind of have a type? it’s like, stupid wasted jock up to no good. send ‘em on over! actually it was his singing how he pulled it together and danced.

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love that bartender and you can see sandy, another great bartender.

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definitely one of those TIMES OF YOUR LIFE snapshots.

by the way the soundtrack to this post is:

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yep def-skies, times o your life.

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i turn into a vampire werewolf creature in the dark pupils at 100%.

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did you even see me at all.

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babushka sweet onion head. who wouldn’t follow that shit around. stew said a cougar at the gladstoner was eyeing me up all over and over. i saw it too so i played into it a bit dancing like a shit show with melodie. give the people what they want. people pleaser, pleasure seeker.

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adventurehouse bought the most baked goods.

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love it. he had a german accent at the end of the night i overheard them all bickering about where they were going, but it wasn’t bickering it was just his tone. i love this about germans they could scare paint off walls with their accents.

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stew was a cute kiebler elf. he made fun of me a lot so i ripped on him too. he was wearing my super tight jacket out i wonder if he’s worn it since he looked really slim and cute in it. the one he arrived in was way too aspen extreme for the beaver.

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then we traveled to a neat neighbourhood i obnoxiously referred to as an industrial wasteland (the best lofts and spaces are there, dig?) to these great digs.

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i look like a ten year old showing up early for your pop and chip party wow what a loser how did i even get invited? get out of here sarah!

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she harvests her own ice. these drinks man i couldn’t even begin to tell you. crazy syrups pure scientific concoctions, sandy, genius. her partner that guy mike, him too. amazing things coming out of these two very soon will be hitting toronto. go see her at the gladstone though, girl’s famous. was on the cover of NOW.

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one after party member immediately hit the couch and once i was done spooning her passed out. snoring.

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we killed it at cat’s cradle.

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it got stressful.

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mel sorry to publicly out you but you blew it for us. we had it going ten rotations over. oh well. needed to end anyway i was getting bored.

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he has a full side body bear tattoo. it is so fucking hot i almost tore him apart but there were witnesses so i didn’t. he has my card.

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guess who is the strongest in the room and beat everyone at a game they have never tried before ever? yep. me. come and get it. i even beat lucas.

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thanks james!

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heartache is a motivating factor.

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scissor sisters lol.

ok here’s last night. i can’t even begin to tell you how much yesterday sucked all around.

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i won twister last night. awkward twister. christine took these. i was asked not to blog any of it cos people were embarrassed to be going to a singles mixer.

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winning. i told everyone in the room how much my day sucked more than theirs and everyone bought me a drink for it. amazing. see by my arms how i am wasting away.

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raymi and the dimples.

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lee dropped this off for me last night at the party. she intrigues me. people who are nice to me and don’t want anything in return, what’s going on there. when older babes want to take you under their wing. she continues to drive this raymi as courtney love point home and i really hate it. she’s not the only one. i am not courtney love i am lauren white. she may be the original trainwreck and we may have the same hair and uh, oh forget it. i’d rather be kurt instead. i am battling my way out of the 27 club jinx.

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red flag and i went together, not as dates just as bait. he was purposely socially awkward and retarded to everyone he spoke to it was highly amusing. kristin and i hit it off immediately and high-jacked the jukebox with all our songs. i forced myself to eat (there was nothing but horrible delicious feelings eating grease). felt nauseous the entire time and then that peppermint gas pill started to expel its way out of me via esophagus and it made me feel even pukier. bad idea.

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i drank through it. this was the worst valentines day of my life. this party helped. the day itself, bullshit. party, not bad. hidden in the backroom of the fox n fiddle where NO ONE we know in the city will find us was also great as it was the scene of my many past karaoke crimes and hole my ex and i used to drink in once in awhile out of sheer laziness as we lived on st. george.

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jalapeno meat tacos i made.

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i threw my bread on his nametag. felt right. we spent last v day together and it was kind of hilarious too, not allowed to post pictures. don’t worry it is not at all what you think though if you look in my archives i’m sure there’s mentions.

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kristin and i beat our pool opponents. i have no idea how because i was totally in a cosmic state at this juncture. i came down with a weird flu bug of stress pain, nausea i do not know but i was not feeling right or well. see how vodka can be a dangerous medicine. i would have stayed in but it was valentines day and i don’t think i could bump into anybody to have sex with in my room that way.

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we didn’t want to show up to the party sober so we met at the hole what is the james joyce. red flag was like, old people crowd. i said, perfect. of all the places in my old neighbourhood i’d say the james joyce is my most despised and one we least haunted. it always smelled like windex and made me feel sick. so going there feeling sick, great idea. i didn’t want to bump into a soul i knew last night so sorry for that awkward meet and dash greeting when we initially arrived at the fox, nothing personal.

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these were the worst best fries ever and exactly what i needed. we all know i don’t eat this shit. only when i feel like shit. i’m in the manic part of a depression right now so i don’t think it will affect me.

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never noticed this light before. do whatever you can to fix this shit hole right. it’s for university kids and sad bastard drunks. a man talked to me immediately when i went over to the bar to order a drink and i said DON’T TALK TO ME hahahahha. red flag was like this place is great, i didn’t order a drink cos she was eating but i ordered your fries. so i went over with attitude and looked at her like she was a fucking idiot (she totally was) meanwhile she’s holding court to loser skid row of pathetic scroungy drunk derelicts. i hate bad servers. when someone walks into a bar it is your duty (LAW!) to put a drink in their hand so they don’t leave.

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i’ll end this on a light note and just say nothing.