see how this venison brings out the beautiful blue in my eyes? Follow along now…

your dreamy dinner guest has arrived.

needs more… i want to punch people who say needs more cowbell. why? was that funny the second time you heard it? no. it wasn’t.

i’ve wanted to eat this restaurant ever since i moved to the hood. shall we then…

straight off the bat cozy and inviting. i was sick too with little appetite but became hungrier and hungrier the more i sat and stared at the (daily rotating menu) chalkboard.

i was planning to wear my favourite sweater here, the grey one with deer on it and a sash but i couldn’t find it. sigh. luckily they’re so common i can just buy another better one but still, i knew it would have photographed darlingly with these upholstered benches.

i’ve so many photos of the menu i can barely read them right now (am sickly) some you can’t make everything out in. overkill it is the way i do it.

def special occasion level atmosphere. or foodie.

developing an appetite.

these little shoes i’ve bought and never worn, just no big deal shoes, with a slight wedged heel. heel flats? they have received many compliments. strange.

i envisage a nice drunken after hours bowling night right here.

love me a high bar.

and this i could rave about in a long romantic poetic dream that leads nowhere.

totally.

you spy on everyone else for awhile then you get over it. i am a really good professional eater now. i remember i went on a date (not really) with a guy to czehoski’s and he was kinda punk, not his scene at all. he could not get over the elitism at all, i was like, what’s the big deal? we have every right to be here too get over it guy. pissed me off. i work hard for my money like these fucking showboats so i will dine with them and i will look like a freak and sit with my punk date and they will suffer, i will not be made to feel beneath them. never ever. anyway that guy made us leave after one drink. my eating out mentality has vastly changed over the last year. i have no fear or intimidation of expensive haunts while others are like i dunno lets go to the cheaper place. you know it is possible to have a good affordable time in a high-end resto just don’t order a main. get a couple apps, have a few drinks. done. get over it scrooge you’re here for a good time not a long time.

too soon? well it’s going to be october this weekend so i guess not. sad face.

oh my god i’m so tanned wait’ll you see me in flash and my tan lines are ridiculous. AND i’m svelte who knew the secret to skinnier was being lazier. i leaned out, the no more exercise has curbed my hunger and released excess weight and guess what, beneath all that extra chunk is a toned body from working out 5 days a week all summer long and i’m only going to get more lanky now. WIIIIIIIN.

wino(forever)na ryder list. more places need to do malbec by the glass. if i’m sitting with a non-drinker i can’t order a bottle, so therefore no malbec for me. i’ve gotten so many people on to malbec they should send me a case.

fear not thy carb. starved self all day for this.

charles dickens lantern.

i found this funny.

the glasses came off and on. i can’t see at nite. i also felt i probably looked tired from being sick. how am i still sick from saturday this sucks.

chocolate venison was my favourite.

Chocolate venison, Morts Della, Saucisson sec, Long cured compressed extruded water-something haha these notes are the best. i love the beautiful pretention of meat names, Curried copa, Duck terrine. there.

meat tour. to tell you everything was amazing would insult your intelligence as obviously it was. i have high standards when it comes to cuisine and i am also trusting and know i’m going to be pleased. cowbell are an ethical lot. they use the entire cow. the entire anything. everything. i have no idea how to do it but i know they do so stick it on a plate with a pickled beet and some mustard and i will eat it and blog it and brag it.

two thumbs. way up. can you sense the genuine?

oh my god my tan. for once my face is more tanned than my makeup. learning curve. you can see my new nailpolish on my middle fingers, the only two i could dig the gel manicure off of. it’s too orange for me, too pumpkin. some idiot is no doubt going to ask me if it is intentional (fall) and i will throw my bottle of “peach” sorbet into the sun.

hey pig, meet face. no seriously.

crispy testina, lentils, pickled chard stems. aka PIG FACE LORD OF THE FLIIIES.

so it came (i look like shit here) i took a bite and totally forgot what it was i was eating. i asked our server what a second good appetizer would be he said the testina or something else, i say what’s testina he says pig face i say i’ll have that. the weirder the better is my MO these days and so thanks to my fruit fly attention span it comes i take a bite chew chew oh what is this again? the photo is my realization of what i am eating. sometimes you’re so smart you’re stupid, folks.

alright lemme give this another go here…

don’t think just eat. verdict: delicious. they are flavour magicians over there. what is this cat litter? brilliant! i trust whatever it is they make.

loved the beet/pepper carnage.

gettin’ through it. i love lentils. how inspired. i would never think (or know what) to combine. a chef truly is an artist.

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speaking of art look it’s my nuit blanche submission.

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I’M APPLYING FOR A GRANT NOW. hahaha ahhhhhh. artists.

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the lamb. i was jealous of that blob of meat and whatever came with it. the key to eating as much as you can while dining is talk all you want but when the food comes let the other guy have a turn while you eat from his plate and nod like crazy at everything he says like it’s really interesting then between courses it’s your turn to talk then the dessert comes make a non-sequitor and just let them have the floor while you inhale chocolate mousse.

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i had the pan seared pickerel. i caught one once in bobcaygeon. this story is legendary. i was the only girl in the boat and the only one to catch anything worth keeping that weekend. i killed, cleaned, gutted it all by myself and even had its beating pulsing little heart on the tip of my tom boyish finger. i let my uncle keep it. he gave it to his father-in-law and said that HE caught it. my mom busted him at her 40th birthday party in the kitchen in front of everyone and made him confess to my aunt that the fish her dad ate was actually my fish. i was out smoking hash with the other teenagers at the time so i missed this confrontation unfortunately. i’ve never even talked about it to my uncle.

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looks like snake.

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so tasty, light, healthy, and substantial. if a chef presents me a taste menu of their signature creations i just go to town on that but if i order my own stuff i’ll typically go with fish for my main to go lighter and to feel less guilt from the appetizers and the dessert, the wine. THE LIFE.

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uhhhh-mAyzing.

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i look like a prick.

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so tanned.

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see the cheese boutique message down there. ok this is the last time i post a photo of this board.

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greedy continues. guess what i chose.

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i want to hug me i look so warm and inviting.

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i am wearing the wrong outfit for that hair and tan. too dowdy, very sick though. i should be wearing a katy perry outfit perched on a cupcake.

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nice bar. handsome.

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sometimes you are so angry at your illness you just have to get cocked to deal. sparkling reisling, have you ever tried it? i hadn’t.

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it is superb.

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hypnotizing.

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wow i just coulda looked at this photo to get my meat notes taken care of.

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MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

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MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

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how many dying alone feelings eating non-funny jokes am i going to make?

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it was so damn good. so good it broke my heart not to eat it all. desserts, i’ve been pounding a few as of late, they are always delicious and good and i hate that i like them so much now. a few years ago i’d turn my nose at them without care.

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and now i look like my nana. great. i am purposely unnecessarily holding a drink in these photos to maximize the obnoxious.

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and i have a weird mustache tan. mustache is such a disgusting word. it is unpleasantly spelled. muuuuuh. the muh sound is what repulses me and then seeing the u, it makes me imagine the smell of cigarette smoke. i prefer to spell mustache, moustache so it reads and sounds like moussaka. guys i have a lot of needs.

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the chef arrives.

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i am an idiot when it comes to cuts of meat. the flank must totally be where the ear is.

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i know i am actually listening here because my mouth is tight.

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holy shit i must be reaaally listening now i’m doin’ a leaner. (i made up leaner last nite. i was gunned and leaned on a fence to steady myself from a sway and steph was like whatcha doin’? me: leaner. it’s when you’re ploughed in a bar and you need something to steady you to not look polluted like a bar chair or a ledge. get yerself a leaner there budday!) i look really sick (dirtbag) here IMO.

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i used a striped towel to dry my hands. PRIVILEGED INFORMATION.

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appropriate. wonder if mark made this himself. sort of not kidding/half kidding/serious.

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took some pictures of my tan lines in the mirror. savin’ em for another post.

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part two later on when we go downstairs and see the morgue.

MOO!

ps. did you get my post title band reference?