so eyes wide shut was on saturday nite i of course stayed up til 3 watching it holy fucking long. the first time i saw it was with my parents in a movie theatre, awkward. i was 16. anyway, i wasn’t a blogger then, so there is no OMFG eyes wide shut post, til now eight years later.

what can i say that hasn’t already been said? that piano music when you are wasted at 2 in the morning is kinda nice like oh i should masturbate now or wait until the next totally ridiculous unrealistic nude scene happens? sorry nicole kidman you are not a believable stoner. i like how the high-society white dudes try to be all threatening by driving in slow-motion and passing tom cruise typed notes with his name on it, way to go kubrick that puny white guy in a trench coat on the street corner looking at me and crossing the street slower than molasses, wow, you frightened me i will get scared once i’m done blowing myself. this review is awesome.

oh and then after tom cruise does something bad he comes home and nicole has to tell him about her sexy thoughts about some other dude like it is his payment for being a douchebag lying cheatfuck.

then tom cruise goes to see that rich guy and is all tell me straight and the dude is like she was a hooker blah fucking blah most cliche scene ever oh wait here comes the requisite tom cruise freak-out yelling monologue!

and how about this tall drink of cocksucking underwear outfit kidman wears?

buddy tom, is there something wrong with your eyes? why go out to bang prostitutes when this is right under your roof? oh right the eternal search for MORE when you already HAVE EVERYTHING and it is PERFECT. fucking asshole.

oh right i forgot you are searching for meaning in your life sorry i asked jeez cos sneaking around a secret society orgy in a mask and cloak MEANS SO MUCH MORE ps way to get that hot body chick gang-banged you dink.

yawn.

i forget exactly the last line in the movie that kidman says something like we need to start fucking or we need to start doing a lot of fucking soon. worst ending ever.

then i went to channel four and partied with the late nite 1-900 number bitches, they have a new commercial now and this one sold into the sex-trade girl’s hair is longer and she has new clothes, i felt sort of proud of her like aw i am watching you grow single tear the other one’s faces are so incredibly busted i almost lost the will to finish myself off. i think they are hanging around the credit river for their little commercial.