i <3 pregnosaurus rex!
July 18, 2006
i just spent 20 minutes googling stephanie tanner and jodie sweetin cos i am fully fucking stir crazy and sweaty hot loony from being in all day with fil who is bed-ridden and whiny and keeps pretending to be paralyzed and helpless on the bedroom floor with my stuffed animal shoved in his underwear.
from now on my look will solely be inspired by stephanie tanner. that is all, so fuck off boho chic olsens!
i am going to get my wine on cos i can’t take it anymore.
yesterday i naired my bikini area and fil walked into the bedroom with me lying down with all this white cream spread everywhere and i said looks like i have a massive yeast infection eh? i got some between my legs and yesterday everytime i pee’d it felt like muriatic acid hitting my labia BURN CITY. also it smells like farts. yesterday RULED!
Dear Amanda Peet
you are my BONER OF THE WEEK
you win because you scared the shit out of me in saving silverman and you wore that shirt that showed your entire coat rack figure that you could like look inside of when you leaned over because it was basically two baby bibs taped to your nipples and you were a psycho controlling cuckoo bitch i <3 you.
you also could have a mushroom cut and it would still work in fact, your hair isn’t very original or interesting to look at but it doesn’t even matter cos your personality and caterpillar eyebrows totally take over and i am like WOW.
in igby goes down you humped macaulay culkin’s brother and you didn’t even give a care and i was like ME TOO AMANDA!
you were also very good at mindfucking jack black and steve zahn in saving silverman i was like ooooh she’s good.
it would be cool if we were friends cos you would make everyone feel inferior and they’d say snarky things like OH YOU ARE HANGING OUT WITH THAT AMANDA PEET WOMAN TODAY RIGHT? all jealous-like and i would be like YES AND SHE SAID THE MEANEST SHIT ABOUT YOU THE OTHER DAY!
i would feel inferior all the time too and like a huge slob cos your nails would be all did and mine are all ripped and hang-naily and no one would look at me anymore but that would be ok because you would be my friend and i could borrow your stuff sometimes and tell you jokes about napkins until you got bored of me bye.
you’d think the little pissants in the park would have something better to do like play videogames or eat at mcdonald’s and play in their playplace area you know modern day type stuff.
you know i’m kidding right?
i am going to cook something elaborate tonite because of hell’s kitchen and also it is great timing because fil is sick and has zero appetite. i just asked him if his feet have a stomache ache too cos he’s wearing his black work socks in bed. i’m funny.
oh yeah i forgot one kid keeps saying ICE CREAM ICE CREAM WHAT’S YOU FAVORITE ICE CREAM and then this other twit goes LEMONADE! and then the kid goes ICE CREAM ICE CREAM ICE CREAM WHAT’S YOUR FAVE….etc etc over and over and i want to go out there with a shovel and fling sand in their eyes and tell them that there is no such thing as lemonade ice cream, even though there prolly is i want to take their fun away because i am a scary hobbit.
