i can’t decide whether to wear heels tonite or my big black santa boots, i guess the boots are easier and go with the whole santa vibe but heels are sluttier, no? i don’t really know how to rock heels so much anymore, ok i do but i walk EXTREMELY slow and it’s like i had a make-over when i wear them cos i’m all awkward and gay and then i get really fidgety and nervous and drink far too much and then start doing the I AM THE MOST OBNOXIOUS PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE routine.
and in my head when i am speaking i think that i sound like: e=mc squared, ten to the power of 10 and pi is 3.14 bla bla calculator excelsior interface c++ 101110010 111 0101 110 101010 1
but really i sound like this: SCRAGGILY RAAAAAAAAAH ARGG BLURRRRRRRG SnoOOOOOT snot frrrrap sdglrekiY(*^*&$65c ytgcjn
so maybe i should just wear the boots. though i know i will get more loaded in them because i have more courage and i am less likely to fall down some stairs out the window and into the street.
look it’s me in my i am kurt cobain stage except my plaid shirt is buttoned way up to my neck and my hair is slicked back like i am from the spanish harlem, yay!
poor parents yo, they must’ve been like why can’t my daughter be normal or dress like a girl even?
i’d be like you are not coming with us if you are going to look like a lesbo.
beerfest is HILARIOUS, rent it. accepted is garbage, don’t rent it, unless you are fourteen you will not be all about it. only watched half. between art school confidential and accepted, art school confidential is like scarface, classic. however, i do have a tiny crush on that guy in accepted who is also in those mac commercials, i think it’s cos of his three-dimensionally oval-shaped head/face, if he were a dinosaur he would be a pterodactyl, see:
to distract myself from the stress of this popularity contest i went out and blew a lot of money but not on myself, for once. fil’s birthday is dec. 17 and then right around the corner is christmas so i have to plan ahead and buy two huge presents i’m thinking of dumping him on december 16 and then getting back together after christmas haha i knew/know someone who does this except breaks up with his girlfriend before the weekend so he can fuck around and then reconciles on monday GENIUS. yeah that’s pretty shady but how dumb and passive does a lady gotta be to give in to something like that? i dunno.
i bought those LED lights that don’t waste as much electricity as the regular xmas lights do because i am captain planet, apparently. i wanted to get those red blue purple amber multi-coloured packs but they’re all gone everywhere so i bought red instead i dunno if we are even allowed to have lights on our balcony and cos lights are seasonal if i want to return them i get credit only SO if it turns out no lights allowed mom your kris kringle christmas present will be a home hardware gift certificate and that’s what you get for rigging the kris kringle ballots like last year.
zing.
one of the dudes at home hardware was telling me about the government giving $5 off LED xmas lights and it just ended yesterday or something and then he went on and on about other stuff and i was tuning him out, not on purpose i’m just really tired from the eaton centre and shopping and so he finished talking and i go OH OH YEAH EH LIKE A SCAM? i was sort of listening and decided for some reason he was talking about something scammish then his face turned into a question mark and he fussed over this dog that walked in because clearly i am a simpleton and i let him prattle on like i was a retard about icicle lites and regular stranded lites and didn’t feel like saying UH DUH I KNOW THIS I WORKED AT A HOME HARDWARE FOR 5 YEARS sometimes it’s easier to play dumb i could tell everyone had the about to be closing mania and i didn’t want to be stuck chatting up forevs.
i rented beerfest and accepted and if i win best blog i will review them tomorrow during my champagne and schnapp’s hangover so if you know what’s good for you i would vote as much as possible before the nite is through.
tomorrow i will let fil be the man and wrap the xmas lites on the railing it’s funny how he is in 100% denial of my potential ability of doing DIY projects even though i rescreened the bedroom window all by myself so his reward for being a sexist dick is standing in the cold, hungover and crabby while i ignore him completely from indoors.
merkley???: what are you going to do with your fame as best blog in canada?
me: not shut up about myself
merkley???: do you think it might turn you more crazy? or do you think it will calm you down
me: why would it make me more crazy you think like lindsay lohan? i hope so cos then i can lose a bunch of weight
merkley???: turn into a cokehead you mean?
me: no i did that already, briefly tho do you mean full of myself more than i already am?
merkley???: yeah but i like you that way
me: is that even possible
merkley???: so it will probably be good
me: yeah cos i can say things like I LIKE TO CREATE ATMOSPHERE and people will be forced to take me/it seriously
merkley???: ha
me: i said that in an interview once for sex tv, they didnt use the line tho my friends were in the next room listening in and one texted me saying YOU’RE BLOWING IT ahahahhahahaha
merkley???: nice
me: i was high as hell and drunk and on the cusp of a nervous breakdown three hour taped interview, 40 seconds they aired jesus fucking trainwreck
merkley???: i wanna see it
me: i didnt even see it i passed out on atavan 2 minutes before it came on re: nervous breakdown
merkley???: although i always get a little weirded out when i hear you talk because i had a different voice for you in my head before i ever actually heard yours
me: i have various voices, im either deep, raspy or high pitched valley girl, that’s when im drunk
please vote for me now so that i can be your lindsay lohan of canada thank you.
fil is only having sex with me now so he can get abs. i told him i was going to say this on my blog and he said i shouldn’t cos it makes him look bad, like doi you have sex to get your perv on but now cos of how insanely lazy we are, sex is the new abs machine. last nite i let him take me from behind (just pretend you are reading an erotic novel, fil is fabio and i am dressed like a pirate wench) and afterward i said WAS THAT LIKE FUCKING AN ANIMAL? fil said i don’t know i have never fucked an animal before.
you’ll have to bare with me i am a bit rusty when it comes to this shit i can’t believe how prudish i have become.
also my nails are long and witchy now and when i um touch things down there while we are, uh, hugging with our pants off (ahahahhahHAhAHAHA) i accidentally stab fil’s manhood a bunch of times.
vote for me right now if you want more crap like this in the future.
hey like 2 years ago i had some really serious surgery and i couldent do much. but one thing i did do was read your blog. i forget how i found it. anyways it was funny entertaining insightfull thought provoking and it even had some really hot nuidity. ive never said thanks. so thanks for making my days more bearable and go by quicker. you’re a blessing, and talented. thanks again.
vasili
HEAR THAT CHRISTIANS? I’M A BLESSING. OBVS. THIS MEANS JESUS WANTS YOU TO VOTE FOR ME!
doodboogers i know there are a lot of you i need MORE VOTES today is the absolute last day do you want me to lose to a mommy blog? OR do you want a mommy blog, TO LOSE TO ME!?!?
they will close the voting at some point today i don’t know when you should be awake right now continually voting and/or reading my blog cos if i lose nananana nananana HEY HEY HEY goodbye!
ps as your leader i will post vag shots a la britney spears except with waaaay more muff and sky-rocket to fame and say it was cos of my legions. IF i skyrocket to fame as your un-leader i will shit-talk you mercilessly. if you all vote today i WILL WIN BEST BLOG so please help and imagine everything i said in the sweetest most nicest tone of voice possible.
also i will write about having sex with fil more and post erotic photos of him.
so vote for me as many times as you can today and tell your nieces and nephews as well!
