as was expected re: my win, a lot of bitter pieces of shit are coming out of the woodwork. i will restate what i posted on my blog when i decided to finally bring back comments last year, don’t bother leaving me negative jealous comments, seriously, don’t waste my and your time, that’s just sad, i will not publish your comments nor will i acknowledge them.
i don’t know why you feel it necessary to visit some girl’s webpage and give her a piece of your mind, really, how little are you? you’re coming here with the intent to make me feel bad, who even does that? would you go to mcdonald’s and tell one of the cashiers they are contributing to the cruel slaughtering of cows and all that? i find you to be ridiculous and incredibly pathetic.
Neil says: haha
when people care enough to diss you – youve made progress
December 3, 2006
I WANT TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF RIGHT NOW COS I JUST SPENT A SOLID TEN MINUTES WRITING A TERRIFICALLY GLOATY ENTRY ABOUT HOW I WON EVERY CATEGORY I WAS NOMINATED IN FOR THE 2006 CANADIAN BLOG AWARDS but then i highlighted and hit PASTE instead of COPY which i always do in case blogger conks out.
anyway i beat everyone, i beat out tallnlucky for best blog and i hope she will still like me and i beat out rick mercer for best humour blog whom i am certain would destroy me fully had he mentioned this blog awards thing at least once HOWEVER i saw him doing some political bullshit on the tv the other day (the tv, how white trash does that sound I LOVE YOU THE WORD THE) and i screamed NOW THAT IS WHY YOU ARE LOSING TO ME YOU PAUPER, YOU SPEND ALL YOUR TIME ON TV NOT ON THE INTERNET HOW DARE YOU EVEN RUN AGAINST ME.
i also swept the fucking floor for best personal blog holy shit 6 years everyone is a mongoloid triple stamped and double stamped it for even thinking they had a chance to take that title from me, no offense you are all boring and yes this is the drink talking this is why i don’t blog past 8pm.
hurray i get to not NOT blog tomorrow and once i come up with an idear for a blog contest i will let you know for the signed copy of marketable depression and i know i said this last year and the contest was for someone to come up with the best business card design for me and they were all garbage, sorry, i take the blame for it cos i failed to clarify that i wanted something professional looking not something out of toy story.
anyway you will have to wait for the book til i get back from new york city, i plan to bring it with me to show at customs for when they ask what i do to assuage my travelling anxieties i figure it’ll help seeing as the first sentence states I AM FUCKING CRAZY AND I DRINK A LOT AND I WISH I WERE DEAD ALL THE TIME…
brilliant.
1749 VOTES 36% BEST BLOG
1448 VOTES 45% BEST HUMOUR BLOG
1491 VOTES 35% BEST PERSONAL BLOG
last nite at gabby’s there was a teen party going on downstairs, it was hilarious to watch on the surveillance camera at the upstairs bar, as the nite progressed we saw humping and fighting, drinking, white kids thinking they are from harlem dancing, chicken wings chowing down and so i go down to use the toilet and these two black girls are in there, i dunno if they were in this group or were just irritated by the party or what but i walk in and initially they are speaking english and then they quickly switch to their native tongue when i go in and are chattering aggressively and i KNOW they are talking about me assuming i’m a party teen or something, i go to the middle stall but there is piss all over it then i go to the one on the left and once my pants are off and my ass is about to hit the seat the girls flick the light switch off and on a few times while they are laughing and then they flick it off and LEAVE ME IN THE FUCKING BATHROOM IN THE DARK and i am just about to enjoy the release of my bladder so i have to snap it off, pull up my pants and go turn the light back on those fucking CUNTS so i turn it back on and open the bathroom door and those girls were gone either up the stairs or somewhere in that party room, so i pee then go up to fil there is no way i am going to go in that room of raging hormones fuck that.
i join fil and begin to tell him about the girls and when i get to the part where i know they are talking about me fil cuts me off and says HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? which really pissed me off cos fil never fucking believes me when i say oh that girl gave me cut-eye or that guy is leering at me or those people are POINTING AT ME and talking about me, he thinks i have a persecution complex.
so i say well i know they were talking about me cos they were laughing AND THEN THEY TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS ON ME AND LEFT THE FUCKING BATHROOM HOLY SHIT.
guys for the most part i have come to realise are pretty much in the dark regarding girl prejudice, which simply put, is the cunty bitch vibe that ladies dish out specially for other ladies, psychological warfare, and yes it is real because bitches are crazy and typically hate one another.
so the next time i get cut-eye and tell fil about it and if he doesn’t believe me i will set him on fire like ok fil you are right i just imagined that every second or third person we passed going to the theatre checked me out my ego is that inflated yes YOU are right those eyeballs I MADE EYE CONTACT WITH were actually looking THROUGH MY HEAD TO THE TREE BEHIND IT my mistake so sorry.
this one wigger fuck had the nerve to lean over the bar and grab a bottle of vodka and luckily one of the bartenders caught him and threw him out cos drunk bravery instantly boiled through my veins left over from those bathroom cunts and being surrounded by under-agers for two hours.
i am reading this book right now and it is fucking hilarious. this is the same guy who also wrote running with scissors which you know is in theatres right now or was, anyway, this book he did first i believe, read it. it will make you do either one of two things 1. drink profusely or 2. quit drinking
it’s black comedy and it took me 40 pages to realise the narrator was gay despite blowjob references on the third page my mind just blocked it out i guess. jared READ IT. it’s 5.99 at chapters/indigo right now hardcover go get it.
December 2, 2006
here is everything i bought fil for his birthday/xmas, fil do not click any of these links, everyone else don’t be a prick and blow the surprise you can express your gratitude of being provided with something new to look at on my crap-o-blog by being silent. oh you can say things like cool and decent and nice and how thoughtful if you feel so inclined.
thing i made fil try on with his eyes closed, bday
DON’T TELL!
from now on whenever i pick out something for fil i am going to link it and then i will make a whole new blog and fill it with all the things i ever purchased/picked out for fil i am tired of him getting all the credit for my super cool style i am the reason he has a moustache, it’s true and a beard and all that other stuff growing off his face oh and sometimes i catch him using my material too.
as per NO ONE’S request, here is my drawing of a GOAT:
fil asked what the fuck was wrong with me and how could i not draw a goat? i said it was because goats are very racist, put my hand over my mouth and mumbled some words that don’t exist and walked away. i felt like i won that round.
and this is what i am giving my brother for christmas:
i am not required to get him anything this year cos i didn’t get his name for kris kringle but i am one of those people who likes to make everyone else look bad come birthday time and xmas by showing up with stuff to buy their love. it’s also somewhat of a dis on account of his stingyness for last year’s present. he pulled my name, bought something for mom and dad and everyone SAVE FOR THE ONE PERSON HE WAS SUPPOSE TO, ME. then he gave me some money when i figured out i got shafted once we were at my nana and papa’s house, but ten minutes later asked for some of it back. haha. he got me a napoleon dynamite hat but not a trucker hat nowhere close to cool, it was the style that homeless people wear or bitches who exercise. ugly. sorry shawn, that’s dem apples mang.
let this be a lesson to the world, if you give me a bullshit present ever i will blog about it so hard you will have a nervous breakdown every time my birthday and xmas come around.
oh and here is the picture i drew of batman and robin that cafepress would not allow for me to use on t-shirts and other merchandise cos they are homophobic. nah, i think it’s cos of the batman logo.
look out michelangelo!
i got fil to try on a sweater i bought him for his birthday but with his eyes closed so he wouldn’t know what it was. i am smart.
also we put up the lites last nite i was pretty sneaky about it. i got up and started opening the boxes and once fil saw me do that he joined in and TOOK OVER haha and then he put them up all sloppy and ignored everything i sad about how to wrap them nicely it looks like an autistic giraffe strung them up.
once we were done i said i knew that would happen and it was my plan all along.
then i scoffed at his earlier guestimate of the length of our railing he said thirty feet and good thing i got two boxes of lites then he put on a santa hat, fetched the tape measure and went into I AM THE MYTHBUSTERS mode.
