this chick is WAY bitter that she lost to me for best personal blog. she didn’t even rank 3rd and yet she hates on me specifically, totally ignoring 2nd and third place. check the comments. hey um tits for hits, where are my tits on this page right now? i’m so tired of crotchety boring bitches, you lost cos you are LAME and boring and bitter, which had nothing to do with me GET OVER IT. thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for maintaining the highschool what is blogging.
here are a couple comments from what i can only assume are extremely intellectual people:
Seriously, who cares if she smeared her vagina all over her Atari joystick and then put the video on the internet. It’s not like she’s never done anything like that before. Naked is her art. I mean, prove that you look better naked and win next time. Also, this is a paid message provided by women with giant tits supporting the smaller tittied friend. Also, I am the NRA.
RE: sheena’s blog — how does she expect to win if she doesn’t even write it herself! having a fan follow her around to pen “sheena did this, and sheena thinks that” is a totally cheating.
erin said…
wait why do you hate raymi? because she has cute tits? hey is this your arm? because that would explain why you are so bitter.
erin is right this fucking explains EVERYTHING.
Sabrina: LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT SANDWICH TOO she is jealous: 1. cause you won 2. becuse she is a hybrid mix of the trash heap from fraggle rock and jabba the hut
Sabrina: ALL SHE DOES IS WRITE ABOUT FOOD
me: yes
Sabrina: HELLO, FATASS, SHUT THE FUCK UP
me: yes
Sabrina: ALSO it is not a fucking marvel of science but when you stumble on a blog where there are no pictures at all THE WRITER IS FUCKING UGLY AS SIN AND/OR FAT AS FUCK
me: she would win for best food blog
Sabrina: which is actually, the same thing
me: like i am suppose to be made to feel bad because i don’t look like that? that’s not fair
Sabrina: no, you are suppose to feel bad because she does not look like you and that is her problem, obviously HELLO, GET A LIFE. IF YOU HAVE A FUCKING GIANT FUPA AND HAVENT SEEN YOUR PUSSY SINCE THE TECHNOLOGY BOOM OF THE 90S–THEN GO ON A FUCKING DIET, IT IS SORTA SIMPLE, DURRR
me: she should be more focused on the fact that she lost the war on weight not blogs
Sabrina: and she has a fupa. i know in my heart that she does
me: i dont know what that is
Sabrina: FAT UPPER PUSSY AREA
me: um ew enough
me: anyway its not my fault she has a hobby of making and devouring entire trays of pinwheel sandwiches and therefore is morbidly obese
Sabrina: hahahaha
me: i like that we are down to her level i really should be thanking her for the blog material
i need to wear that shirt more often, k-os seems to think it is inspiring. i need to wear more shirts in general that are the same colour as my skin pigment.
i have dementia or soon i will i think i am already showing signs of it, that and senility. don’t worry i will make it in vogue somehow, promise. i know i have it cos when i leave the condo it takes me five minutes to close and lock the door and i have to re-check on cid to make sure he did not get out and if i do not see him with my eyes as i am walking backwards slowly toward the door i figure ok he got loose during the half second i looked away. i get trapped in this infinite OCD loop where i go back to where he is sitting or eating and go to the door, go back to him again, then to the door and by the third time he is like WHAT IS GOING ON? and then he bolts for the door.
the carpetting in the hallway camouflages him so if i am not paying attention when i leave i don’t notice him chilling out there it’s just like oh i must be on acid right now cos there’s something skulking around with a face oh that’s the cat pretty much like the cheshire cat from alice in wonderland.
so people are waiting for me downstairs and i am a notoriously late person to begin with meanwhile they call i say ok down in a minute and they are thinking ok she is turning off lights or something but really i have my hand on the doorknob in the hallway poking my head into the apartment every 3 seconds to make sure cid is still doing his impression of a loaf of bread by the window.
ok i have to draw a picture of saddam hussein now because that is how i get in the holiday spirit.
oh yeah i dropped the camera on my keyboard and the ‘s’ button flew off now i feel poor.
watched scoop last nite. if you can get past how annoying it is to watch scarlett johansson immitate woody allen for 1.5 hours then yes, rent it. short of that, just stare at her tits. i actually forgot what her name was halfway through and referred to her as tits like it was a real name and not in the cheesy chauvinistic way that some fuck in a dive bar talks about some girl at minuteman express or wherever, yes, my way was more respectful?
there is a scene when she is in a red bathingsuit and i don’t really remember anything that happened during that part cos of that red bathingsuit not to be a lesbian or anything but holy bajungas.
hugh jackman is in it and normally my vagina would be tingling but seriously just you fucking TRY to keep your eyes off scarlett it’s impossible if they cloned her or even made dummy models and shipped them to afghanistan world war 3 would be over, just saying, not that troops are even in the right place right now, so i guess they would have to go to iraq instead, whatever i don’t know anything anymore.
fil put his hand up over my right eye to block out hugh jackman so i wouldn’t swoon over him and i said don’t even bother i am not looking at him.
i swear i did scarlett as boner of the week already i just tried googling my blog, no dice. ok scarlett is BONER OF THE WEEK.
ps ladies i remember from baywatch if you want to have huge cans or trick guys into thinking that you do, get a one-piece suit and make sure the straps go around your neck or there is a string that brings the straps together, don’t thank me, thank baywatch.
i’ve been reading your blog for 2 or 3 years now and i gotta tell ya, i am madly smitten with you in a cyber border-crossing way. The pic of you with your hair splashed across your face on the site under your “three-dimensionally oval-shaped head/face MAC guy” entry sealed the deal for me today.
Due to the fact that we both have significant others, can we be USA/Canada fake cyber couple?
u r hawt!
-W
my myspace page if you wanna checkout me and my lameness out…at the very least we could be myspace friends:
should i email this guy’s wife? upon closer inspection this email is not all that incriminating.
this being called a whore thing is pretty funny to me.
it reminds me of my first dance recital, when i was in grade four. we were lining up for the finale where we all get on stage in our 100 dollar ugmo spandex sequined costumes a la jon benet ramsey complete with whore make-up and hairsprayed hairdos, anyway like i said i was in grade four.
my jazz class/dance theme was TURKEY IN THE STRAW and our routine was danced to the song by the same name sung by sharon lois and bram (to you americans these people for some reason are really into hanging out with kids and forcing them into random bursts of communal singing, usually about bicycle streamers and garage sales and science projects and turkeys in straws, apparently) and of all the different classes/routines, ours had the ugliest fucking outfits that were the most unslutty, i will dig you up a photo one day, and because of this i felt slighted, all the other girls were wearing one-piece leotards and bikini type things with shortie shorts and we were wearing crappy blue overalls made from a table cloth and red/white checked shirts with red sequins around the collar and red ribbons in our pigtails.
capital GAY.
there was one particular group who were THE BARBIES, their theme was THE BARBIES and they were dressed as barbies, wearing exercise garbage circa 80s wtf?
anyway i was by myself standing behind them and i’m kind of in a daze cos that afternoon after the first performance during the lunch break between the second show, i was busting out some moves at a pub with my friend and my fist came into contact with a waitress and her overstacked tray and sent shit flying EVERYWHERE (in hindsight it is funny cos i drink at this bar now and fil worked there in 1998) so yeah i’m bumming from that and i’m all by myself cos a lot of dancers fuck off with their families and skip the finale so i’m stage right listening to these barbie girls shit-talk some other girl in their class. they are the same age as me and they declare that this one girl who had kissed 2 boys was a HOOKER and then the girl they were s-talking joins them and they gush all over her.
the “hooker” looked pretty innocent to me and was ten times prettier than the girls shit-bagging her and right then and there i realised that i will never be for real friends with girls and if i do i will never fucking trust them.
for the most part the bitches ignored me cos 1. i was dressed like a pile of white trash and 2. i was basically comatose standing up, leaning against the wall and picking at it (this community centre had this really weird wall material that if you pull off one weavy part you can pull out huge portions of it in one go and everyone fucking did it, it was the best). so these girls didn’t realise i had heard everything they said about the “hooker” girl and when we were called to hit the stage they looked back at me and it dawned on them that i knew, and they KNEW that i knew everything they said.
i raised my eyebrows and pursed my lips in a smug way and didn’t say anything.
i never forgot that moment when out of the one girl’s mouth she declared her friend was a hooker and i wanted to say you know, a hooker has sex for money and i highly doubt that your 9 year old friend does that, but i didn’t i was too dumbfounded by the audacity of this bitch’s conclusion and jealousy.
tune in tomorrow for when i go into long boring detail about how fil DOES NOT support me and i reference everyime i have already addressed this fact before I SWEAR I WANT TO KILL YOU FUCKERS YOU MAKE ME MENTAL.
last week i bought a nice christmassy package of white chocolate covered marshmallows, i know, yum. in theory. however, they were more like un-yum, not in theory. i don’t know what the hell i was thinking, one easter many moons ago i ate an entire white chocolate bunny and then vomitted all over the tv room carpet at my grandparents.
this is the part where i make a white supremacist joke.
anyway, i forced the kkk candies (hah) on fil and he brought them to work and left them on a co-worker’s desk. this dude always has candy and snacks and treats so all day long fil gets to spy on everyone snacking and makes little pie graphs and measures statistics on people’s habits. the white chocolate marshmallows are not a favourite and i am not surprised.
i gave fil half a bag of bbq fritos i purchased on a drunken whim a couple month’s back cos we were mindlessly ploughing through it and they weren’t very good and every time i put one in my mouth my thighs and ass multiplied by ten. the bag was finished by the end of the work day and fil had to listen to everyone’s crunching.
me: are the marshmallows gone yet
Phil: um… no there are about a third left
me: ew my stomache just rollercoastered
Phil: yes i am starving but even still i wont touch em
merkley???: if you ever say that you like the UK version of the office better than the US version we cant be friends anymore
me: never saw it tho according to fil im suppose to like it better than the US
merkley???: thats why i try not to be friends with fil because i want to like him for your sake
me: dude im canadian, british descent, it’s ingrained and predetermined that i will choose UK over US
merkley???: i’m canadian too
me: not really anymore
merkley???: but i’m not an insecure canadian like you
me: um im not insecure do you mean insecure about being canadian OR insecure BECAUSE i am canadian
merkley???: maybe both defend canada type shit like there is a contest or something
me: canada continually gets slammed andfor no reason and gets zero credit for when it does something, right, or doesit well
merkley???: untrue thats what i am talking about
me: like oh that’s pretty good, for canada i have a feeling im about to start caps lock typing at you so lets not talk about this this arguement will go nowhere and im not insecure regaring anything having to do with canadian
merkley???: that stuff only comes up when some asshole runs around flapping the maple leaf in your face talking shit about the US fine anyway the US version of the off ice is fucking awesome — i just watched the first two seasons its one of the few television shows that actually makes me laugh audibly
me: no canadian would wave their flag in an american’s face why bother
merkley???: i thought you were dropping it
me: well your comment got thru after i had nixed it so i had to have the last word
merkley???: i’m sure you already saw this.. brit’s beav
me: ungh yes and i put it on my blog the day it came out really merkley do you even know me anymore
merkley???: ha ha sometimes i look at the rss feed and there are just too many posts so i get overwhelmed
me: oh well
merkley???: i’m like WHOA 20 entries that doesnt mean i dont like your blog
me: fine
me: im going to post our convo should i leave this out ” merkley???: thats why i try not to be friends with fil because i want to like him for your sake”
merkley???: i dont care
me: ok leaving it
merkley???: its no secret
me: and if he asks illsay merkley brags about only hanging with girls cos he is insecure and doesnt know how to deal with men
merkley???: ha and i just dont have interest in dudes they bore me
me: its cos you feel inadequate
merkley???: but you should also add that i think you and fil are a great match
me: ok
merkley???: bullshit its because i have no interest in sports or talking about how long it took me to grow my beard
me: um thats not what all men talk about and if they do i tune them out until they are finished and then we talk about cervixes HAHa i can see fil asking you that
merkley???: or answering questions about how many of the chicks i photograph i bang or how i get them all to take their clothes off
me: fil wouldnt ask you that but i would well no i wouldnt cos i dont actually care
merkley???: here is my impression of a dude JIM MORRISON!! dude, that beard kicks ass! so how many of those chicks do you bang?
me: oh whatever you love the attention
merkley???: NINERS!!!
me: who are the niners oh san francisco
merkley???: actually i get derpessed about it
me: dude no one fucking cares about san fransisco well you pigeon holed yerself how manytimes do you think i hear shit about my tits like its something new
merkley???: why are you such a dick today?
me: im not a dick am i? sorry i didnt know you were so sensitive
merkley???: i probably started it
me: yeah you did
merkley???: not really but whatever you spoke as a canadian instead of as an individual raymi and i had to set you straight
me: O that is what my mouth looks like right now i do not have the time nor the patience to address this right now
