i was just thinking about the last time i was at h&m at oakville place and i was looking at the cheap 7.90 shirts and i had two shirts slightly different shades of grey and i asked this girl who had piles of i dunno more glamorous shit in her hands and i asked her what shade of shirt i should choose and she chose the one i didn’t want and i asked why did she choose that one and she goes i dunno and i hold up the pants i was going to buy beside it and asked if it was too matchy and she said yeah i guess so. i bet she thought i was a dickhead, why would i ask her advice if i already had my mind made up? also you are not suppose to talk to strangers when you are shopping cos then it emphasises the fact that you are buying shit you don’t want or need or even like which is counter-active to the zombie spending money therapy.

have you ever been to oakville place? it is mental, like rodeo drive in a mall, little slutty girls everywhere with their dad’s credit cards and everyone is checking everyone else out, and the cougar mothers barrrrrrrrrrf. it feels like planet biodome california, like the hills, i swear, everything is like that these days. tube tops, hair extensions, wedge flip flops leave me alone you are not on your way back from laguna fucking beach!

progress, this is called my pain canvas, fil and i got in a fight one nite and i wrote all those emo sayings on it.

paint is still wet, have yet to re-do the sharpie outlines.

it’s really hard to focus when ugly little kids are slamming the universe in the park when the windows are open.

this will be finished a quarter to never, you can call dibs on it if you want.

me: I’M TRYING TO DO SOME PAINTING BUT THIS LITTLE KID IS SLAMMING A ROCK OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN AGAINST A POLE IN THE PARK AND I AM THIS CLOSE TO ASKING THE ADDRESS OF WHOEVER IS WATCHING THE KID SO I CAN GO TO THEIR HOUSE AND SLAM A ROCK AGAINST THEIR FENCE A THOUSAND TIMES LATER ON WHEN THEY ARE HAVING DINNER.

Phil: uh oh

me: RAGE
titall killed my painting mood

Phil: titall, eh?

me: totally
i meant
ha

Phil: tits
i mean
totes

me: i changed my mind i cant have spadina gardens
i have to eat the ********** at ******* tonite

Phil: ok i am fat anyway

me: AW
dinky!
baby
you are adorable
THAT KID IS STILL SLAMMING HIS FUCKING ROCK
LOUD FAST LOUD SLAM SLAM SLAM
GO AWAY
NOW SOME OTHER KID IS DOING IT TOO
WITH GLASS

Phil: it is a make raymi crazy conspiracy

me: IT SOUNDS LIKE CHAINS ON MY BRAIN
I HATE CHILDREN DIE
the women watching must be super hung or on tons of tranquilizers
theyre just sitting there all calm

Phil: pills man

me: everytime my finger touched a paintbrush SLAM SLAM SLAM SLAM SLAM SLAM
how ironic what i was working on is called my pain canvas

Phil: haha

me: what time do u want to go to the ******* i invited aimoo
she said she is back d/t from work around 6.30

Phil: oh ok i dunno i wont be outta here till 6 anyway

me: ok 7ish

Phil: okish

me: vice guy emailed me
im going to work hard on it all day tomorrow and write it all
i am too annoyed to think right now fucking asshole kids

I’M TRYING TO DO SOME PAINTING BUT THIS LITTLE KID IS SLAMMING A ROCK OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN AGAINST A POLE IN THE PARK AND I AM THIS CLOSE TO ASKING THE ADDRESS OF WHOEVER IS WATCHING THE KID SO I CAN GO TO THEIR HOUSE AND SLAM A ROCK AGAINST THEIR FENCE A THOUSAND TIMES LATER ON WHEN THEY ARE HAVING DINNER.

last nite’s dinner not an adequate wine base oh well the scale will thank you in the morning.

light cream cheese instead of goat cheese, pre-chicken.

fil brought home stinky cheese AGAIN. i say bring home whatever cheese you want, something i will like though. ungh. i made him these even though he spilled wine ALL OVER my new fucking pants and sprayed me in the ass before that with a spray bottle. my pants are drying in the tub.

i was most proud of this guy, he was the end of the loaf and had all these bread pockets to shove chicken and cheese and basil into i am a fag.

don’t ask me what that cheese is i will barf on you.

i have not mailed this yet. i was high when i made it. i am going to wait ’til 2014 to send it.

yep definitely baked, gentle thoughts?

me: O========3

Phil: is that supposed to be something crude

me: i was trying to figure out what you use for balls
Q====3
sigh

Phil: 8====3
doi

me: oh
sorry balls wizard

check out this dude

he had a thousand things brought with him to play some nerd game world of warcraft? i walked behind him and saw he was at a store called wands r us. i think that’s his own modem. i’m guessing the majority of my readers look like this.

this person is sexist.

one of the things liane sent from shanghai.

me: did you like getting blown last nite

Phil: duh

me: should we make a blown chart

Phil: ?

me: omg
a calendar of blownness

Phil: sure yes

me: sometimes it’s like you dont know me at all
i just had to stir my coffee with a knife
the last two days it was a fork

Phil: oh mercy how are you surviving

me: tomorrow it will be a q-tip
lets use every single plate and glass before we do the dishwasher

Phil: ok

me: it wont all fit though

Phil: no it wont

me: so much for that idea

Phil: yes, so much

Hi Raymi,

In keeping with the trend of hilarous yet dumb licence plates, I spotted one two days ago.

Cheers,
Laura

PS. I can’t go for more than a day without checking your blog. You are very talented.

ew, does that mean venereal disease crazy?

yesterday before i decided to eat an egg salad sandwich for dinner we debated getting hot dogs but these two fat girls beat us there of course fat girls can run when a hot dog stand is in their path anyway so we are waiting and waiting and i have more time to think about how annoying hot dogs are to eat while walking with all those condiments and the inside is full of hot steam and i end up being really irritable, not worth it, and so there is a lady behind us now waiting too and i say really loud NOPE NO HOT DOGS TOO FATTENING and drag fil away. i KNOW i made everyone feel fat because i am a fucking witch. seriously the one chick in front of us had a backgina and was wearing a belly top and lululemon stretch pant knock-offs and she was BIG. i didn’t mean to tell everyone hot dogs are fattening even though it was the equivalent of walking into mcdonald’s and walking out screaming that everything is a heart attack waiting to happen while everyone is sitting down elbow-deep in cheeseburgers mmm cheeseburgers i want one now.

seriously i think someone should flier mcdonald’s and pizza hut and taco bell and kfc shit like YOU ARE KILLING YOUR KIDS. when i see people with obese dogs i want to strangle them.

i just meant to tell fil that i planned on eating a ton of popcorn so maybe i should have something a bit healthier than sweaty homeless meat for dinner.

and now it is hot dog time don’t worry i will fucking kill myself before you get the chance

me: i like when cid sits like he is a person
when he licks himself
like we are in a book club

Phil: yes

me: do you like me cos i say really gay stuff about your cat

Phil: yes

me: are we in a gay

Phil: yes

me: wait til you see my hair

Phil: ok

me: mmmmmmmmm rotisserie

Phil: mmm shhh
i can smell it

me: i cant type because i am visualizing it all around me