fil is a red room fan and everytime we rarely go there i get to hear stories about the food he has eaten there. i like green room better cos it is dark and mysterious and has couches, red room’s scene is pretentious and awkward and i don’t really enjoy myself there.
they have “vermicelli” though. the noodles aren’t the right kind but it tastes alright enough, you have to dump your own garlic flavour sauce on, the chicken and eggs were cold. pass.
the red room curry is different than green room, different as in garbage, and no brocolli, carrots, peppers, chick peas either.
anyway all my shots of it turned out blurry cos of the couple beside us, obviously on a first date, not even boozing the awkwardness away, they were staring at me curiously. here is a pointform list of everything the guy said (who looked like he plays a lot of world of warcract, black sneakers black socks, shorts to his knees, glasses, fat face, not in shape the girl wasn’t exactly elizabeth hurley herself, anyway)
-i HATE high heels HATE them turn off totally turns me off i like girls in sandals in long skirts, barefoot which means: please be my girlfriend, if you decide to be i will let you let yourself go all you want, and i do not like things that i can’t have which means girls who wear high heels, also, i am short. then the girl says but what if your girlfriend wants to wear sexy lingerie and heels and comes at you and he says no nope no turn off, completely turns me off. ooook.
-man like society, you know, i can’t stand people who view it objectively, sometimes you know i just have to take a step back and say this isn’t for me.
-then they told each other how shiny each other were and he asked for the dessert menu oh man.
-fil and i are splashing his beer head at each other and it makes the couple stop talking everytime like we are future-them maybe or fun is like, disgusting.
that’s all i can remember for now, the guy made me really hate him, instead of waiting for the bill they BOTH got up to wait in line behind 5 people to pay together – ROMANTICEST MOMENT EVER.
GOT REALLY DARK OUt oops caps then pissed rain.
I AM LANCELIONIVAT RULER AND PROTECTOR ‘ORE THIS BAR OF NERDS.
I AM A DRAGON YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR ME LANCELIONIVAT YOUR TRICKSY SPELLS ARE FUTILE AGAINST MY GREEN BALL OF WRATH WREEEEEUUUURAWR!
this skirt doesn’t fit me right, you can have it if you want, it was forty bucks, just get me a couple glasses of jameson’s, fair trade.
so what happened at the show last nite i am too lazy to type it as a whimsical story so here it is in chat format:
me: i ploughed a girl last nite at a concert she was being passive aggressive i was going excuse me excuse me to get by she wouldnt instead she pretended not to hear or notice me and put her elbow out into my stomach not touching but to block me so i said really cunty OH SO YOU’RE NOT GOING TO MOVE THEN? then just plowed thru her she was fat and shorter with glasses and ugly hair oh and i was standing on a million broken beer bottles all this broken glass and she wouldnt move THEN her short bitter portly friend as we are in front waits for fils back to be turned taking pics and i got shoved by her i slowly turned my head and body around to see what the fuck and had the crazy eye and the girl got all flustered and said sorry and really meant it then stepped away from her friend and me.
the most annoying thing about nerd magnet bands is the type of nerds that come out, they think they own the band and fuck you if you get in the way, i like them more and this floorspace is mine, fine, i just want to get around you if you so much as sigh as i do so i will set fire to your LOTR fan fiction I MEAN IT!
last nite inspired me to write a guide to insecurity.
please PLEASE remind me to tell you about the first date couple we sat beside at red room before the show oh MAN.
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an email from liane:
lauren,
just to let you know, I have retired wee lianefong.com since I was overwhelmed with the difficulty wordpress presented to my peanut sized technology deficient brain.
the gospel is now at goodriddancetobadnews, but I will certainly revive lianefong.com in time for the revolution.
I can’t check your blog as much anymore because blogspot is now blocked in china! Blocking sort of waxes and wanes here according to how the internet security dudes are feeling.
I can read it at my office since my servers there run through HK but I can only glance at it since, well, you know you’re not safe for work. dangerous!
hope you are well. You know eventually we’re going to have to sit down and hash it out and really catch the hell up.
i am smirking like an imp because this dude is all up in fil’s space telling him how to take pictures and he just wouldn’t shut the fuck up or detect that he was annoying the shit out of us. i think he was on blow and he was partying in the break your heart dive next door.
after the ours show, which was amazing, best show since datarock. i will tell you a story after i get some caffeine, about a passive aggressive nerd girl.
a street dude was giggling uncontrollably lying sideways on a vent with his elbow propping him up behind fil when he was taking this then this street woman goes over to him laughing too hunched over cackling. nice.
i swear this is a fucking nerd magnet band, but i don’t care, if you like and swoon over jeff buckley you will like this guy.
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if anyone cares this is what i use to make coffee everyday because i am living in the dark ages and i boil water over a fire in the park. then i let it simmer, do its thing for a bit, press the shit down, then put it in the fridge when it is cooled off enough and drink it the next day with ice and milk who wouldn’t want to marry me?
then i look on from the kitchen and washing dishes with a little girl as fil plays battleship with some boy.
my dad/grandma’s house has been torn down, it happened on monday.
HELLO SAKE I AM IN A SADNESS NOW.
i am going to draw a picture in MS paint to represent the sadness brb.
oh my brother called me and he found the girl gremlin facebook picture to be hilarious, he saw that i added a new photo and was like oh it’s that gremlin i used to make fun of lauren by then he saw that it was HIS name tagged on it and exploded.
he is trying to think of a snarky comeback right now.
So, I had way too many mushrooms at once, this one time and I knew it before they even started to kick in. I was pretty paranoid about what they were going to do to me so I entertained my friends with obsessive compulsive cleaning of the campsite we were on and I took a mere 90 minutes to split a couple of logs for the fire. A fine example of how I do things. They were sitting back enjoying the ride, laughing their asses off at the futility of my struggle, while I railed against it and made bad choice after bad choice.
As darkness fell, my surrender instinct got the better of me and I flew off into the treetops from the comfy vantage point of a reclining lawnchair. Time went away completely and damn if the flicker of the leaves against the breeze wasn’t the most intoxicating thing I’d ever seen. We also answered the question: how could you listen to Beyonce for 6 hours straight? Answer: Extreme drug-induced laziness.
I miss the emptiness that was in my head that day. There’s only one other thing that can burn all my thoughts so effectively but a naked marathon on the mechanical bull just seems so passé now.
i invite you to share your funny drug stories in my comments, thank you.
i put this picture in one of my facebook albums and tagged my brother’s name on it, inside joke (from gremlins2 duh) we used to impersonate the way this chick gremlin sang and copied her facial expressions, the way she pursed out her lips and she did this moany mmm mmm mmmm noise between breaths then we’d kill ourselves laughing and whoever said the other person was HER first won the burn title, so, i googled gremlims, found this, tagged him, i win. he will shit his pants laughing when he sees it i will let you know his reaction as it is crucial to your thursday internet enjoyment.
i am going to try and find the clip on youtube it is so uncomfortable like that red guy american idol clip when he sings bohemian rhapsody.
oh man i am dying of laughter right now and i am crying can’t breathe that video never tires.
look how angry my mii (wii) raymi is i have to make her skinnier cos i lost weight she is still carrying winter boozeweight, two year’s worth, she needs a new hairstyle too, my hair is long and bangs have grown out. fil’s guy used to wear sunglasses because he is cool, yes he is scowling.
warning, you might heave.
me: you didnt answer my question about collecting rainwater are you going to do that too now then let it warm in the sun and wash your hair with it
me: are you going to pick wildflowers and water them with rainwater and drink rainwater from your satchel canteen that is covered in oldschool army tarp
Phil: i will convert my old hacky sack into a beanie
me: BARF
Phil: and collect the hair clumps you leave in the drain and squeeze out the used shampoo so i can re-use it on my hair
me: EWWWWWWWWWWWWW are you going to do yoga while you watch the discovery channel and bake hemp bread
Phil: UNCOOKED hemp bread – don’t want to waste electricity i only eat uncooked things from now on that dont have feelings
me: oh nice a raw foodist, that’s not at all obnoxious
Phil: raw pain-free food i will eat crab apples that fall from the tree naturally
me: um what foods have feelings? yogurt?
Phil: but only if they don’t fall too far that would be cruel
me: this is actually pissing me off hahaa people like this exist
Phil: i will eat only cheese from a goat that has a problem with over-lactating (so i will be helping it out my taking the build-up of milk)
me: i cant wait to punch you when you get home
Phil: NOOO you might hurt some bacteria
me: cos i know in yer head you are kind of agreeing with this and if you had the patience you would actually carry some of this out
Phil: oh come on, no i woul.. ok some i would shut up
me: HA well you do take long showers and daily you should be bathing once every 4 days, captain planet
Phil: oh no i am conflicted
me: i am saving the planet more than you are
Phil: by being one of the unwashed heathen?
me: every other day is fine sometimes i bathe everyday tho fuck, living in the annex has really affected you
Phil: omg no i have always been like this
me: well you have been in secret then
Phil: no, i have always made you knock off your heater and then throw your butt in the garbage
me: you use to turn on a whole stove to make a hot dog or toast the bun
Phil: well… i was dumb then and it was two VEGGIE dogs
me: oh so it cancels it out then? so i can run the microwave and the hairdryer and all the lights cos i am collecting rainwater
Phil: no but it mitigates the environmental footprint i am creating
me: oh my fucking FUCK i cant believe you said that you should start an annex activity club
Phil: ha ha i was BEING FUNNY
me: you get together with spinster artists and talk about saving the environment FUN
Phil: I WAS JOKING kinda
me: are you going to do reiki too
Phil: you go too far woman you know i dont buy into that hocus pocus mumbo jumbo crap
raymi: what you don’t think it’s important to WORK ON YOUR SPIRIT?
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so unless you live in fraggle rock or have a life, you’ve heard about all the news gossip regarding avril lavigne ripping off chantal kreviazuk and some other band and getting sued (HA!) and now this, you must listen, it will blow your mind like a penis. get her, peaches!
she is SO FUCKED!
also, i love it when she is asked about her fug sum41 husband and she is all blase about it, says oh yeah we are secure, we can do our separate thing bla etc. it’s painfully obvious she is SO NOT FEELING HIM and it hurts my heart, really it does, i lose sleep.
