so war of the worlds was on last nite and the entire time i’m like fuck that kid (who plays tom cruise’s son) is SO michael j fox right now! and fil is all NO he is SO scott wolf right now!
who is right? choose WISELY you only get one vote! (per day)
FEBRUARY 2007 ARCHIVES!
i am sarah michelle geller.
turns out she is just a LYING WHORE like the rest of us.
elizabeth got hitched yesterday! here we talk about her hairy bush. ps. there are pictures of beach wang in this post.
never getting married ever how prophetic!
“FUN” WITH PARANOIA
me: oh my god fil stop forcing your nerd addiction onto me
tyra tells of bloggers
i am never saying hi to an acquaintance of the past ever again
i forget what happened to that sweater, i miss it.
last nite samir and sharpie invited themselves over
so i was kinda blue
fil is wearing the sweater i’m working on shrinking these days.
a dream i had about you and fil
oh cid!!!!!!
scrapbooking loser
this concludes raymi’s book club
me: it’s tricky manipulation thats actually not at all tricky, it’s concise
even if you’re faking it, make it look good.
if it wasn’t for my blog the world wouldn’t know i existed
yesterday i snooped through your stuff and i left some dynamite in your mom’s muff
and then i do a dramatic interpretive dance in a taupe leotard.
blogs are self-promoting cos they originated as and still are journals, go to your aunt’s house, find her journals, read them, who are they about? YOUR AUNT. a blog is the same but it is on a computer on the internet, get over it.
what a waste of money i never wear that shirt.
People have told me, family even, that i just have to
fucking deal with it that i am never going to be famous or whatever so i should just suck it up and do something else. i have a lot of anger still about that, a lot of fuck yous to be handed out in the future, basically.
i said OK YOU CAN CUM IN MY HAIR and he said he could do that anyway i said no not anymore you can’t from now on you need permission then i realised i was speaking really fucking loud to the whole bar.
tomato sauce from the night before on my chin and scraggily rolled through a field down the longest hill ever on speed hair
then i was like what is this right now the bell jar?
and this is what fil’s face looks like the VERY second he begins to lecture me about something/correct me/disagree with me and explain in long dramatic BORING detail why i am wrong
who the hell says steadfast? i hate them.
i just asked fil if i looked stupid last nite and he said YEAH YOU LOOKED LIKE A FUCKING SLUT.
on monday when fil goes to work i am going to plug in his guitar and just wait out that prick from next door.
the dude at the door started naming all these djs SO they are worth a ten dollar door cover, he may as well have been telling me the alphabet
i like the memos now.
hopefully i will get sued over one of the pics in this post.
i call it GARBAGE FACE LOOK.
i have that article in print.
cid is one of those demons that came from the hole in the backyard in the gate.
we wouldn’t even stop fight-eating for one second to have this picture taken
me: oh well that is why i am a popular blogger and you are not
i’m drunk off one glass of wine i refuse to not drink when sick i smite you sickness! anyway i just spent the last ten minutes arguing with fil about nutria and how i know they exist because of that show insomniac (we just watched dave attell’s captain miserable (favouritest comedian)) but anyway the point of this post is to tell you guys about how i figured out how to get fil to stop pissing me off whenever he’s doing something bad like tickling me putting his balls in my eyes farting on my lap and so on, all i have to say is I’LL DO SOMETHING YOU WON’T LIKE! and he screams NOOOO DON’T DOOO SOMETHING I WON’T LIKE! and immediately stops doing whatever heinous act he is amidst doing. in his anal uptight easy to upset sagittarius (you’re welcome leslie) mind when i make that vague threat he thinks the most alarmist of things like i’m going to:
STICK MY FINGER IN MY VAGINA (and i’m on my period) AND WIPE IT ON HIS LEG (ok i may or may not have already done that once as a joke) (he deserved it)
UN-HANG ALL OF HIS CLOTHES
TAKE EVERYTHING OUT OF HIS WALLET AND PUT THE CONTENTS SOMEWHERE “WACKY” (i know super harmless and no big deal right? WRONG!)
SMACK MY LIPS A FEW TIMES AND SIGH A LOT
LIE ON THE FLOOR AND SING IN FRENCH WEARING ONLY A T-SHIRT
you get the idea, anyway, if your bf is like fil, just threaten him that YOU will DO SOMETHING he WON’T LIKE and he’ll fuck right off asap, i promise.
making appearances in your readers’ dreams
Raymi,
I made a wild show of getting myself really drunk in a friend’s kitchen last night, and after falling asleep on her couch, I had a dream in which I was having dinner with you and phil and somebody else. Phil was especially friendly, but in general you made for very good dinner companions, as I imagine you would be in real life as well. I think I had this dream because my day had contained lots of music, drinking alcohol, cats, photographs, walking around, and food, all of which figure prominently in your blog. You should definitely start collecting these dreams whenever people report them to you. I think you could get a pretty interesting read on the psyches of a considerable number of people like that.
Cheers,
Daniel
i did not watch ratatouille yet i DID watch the nanny diaries, another brilliant idea, it’s basically my goal in life to watch every garbage movie ever made when i am at my weakest. last nite it was balls of fury. i played some guitar hero 3 then i had a shower. i shaved my legs. shit’s exciting in these parts right now. we are going on an adventure once fil showers. i ate a honey garlic sausage on its own in tiny slices and put a few pieces of brie on some. good combo. i would put brie on anything. dfliayhewrg;unb jk ldfbnwrlak/
even when deliriously ill i still put on makeup i refuse to let myself go if i didn’t wear makeup i would looke like that garbage lady in labryinth.
aw.
oh my god i’m so stir crazy and sick sick sick i just want to die at this point and now i am on my full-blown menses yay!
i’m turning into one of those crazy ladies who takes pictures of giant birds that land on branches near their windows.
cid mewls his head off to be let into the towel closet everyday after lunch, i couldn’t bother yesterday (he can let himself in fucking lazy ass!) so he found an alternative.
earlier in the morning this dude was hanging around too.
stupid idea.
mushroom onion (fake) burger, v. good.
my mitts were stuffed in my hat and i forgot about it and this one guy passing by looked at me with raised eyebrows and i was thinking yeah i know it I’M HOT then go back inside to take off my hat and find my goddamn stupid stuffed mitts in there making it more dumb looking than usual.
i think i’m getting a fever.
i stabbed the inside of my right nostril from picking stuff out of there and now it is gushing blood. party.
canadiandesignresource.ca i pillaged this site of cute designs of all things canadiana made by canadian artists, all so darling. visit and scroll back through previous pages to find out what these things are, if not immediately obvious, or just for more info.
i just barfed my head off, it was quick and sudden, my favourite. i had two teas with honey and lemon and a teeny bit of milk, i’m thinking that combo was not a good choice and the pressure on my stomach/sides from coughing constantly for the last three days was like a bulimic just thinking about barfing and up the fountain came. i watched shrek the third and started live blogging it then realised how pathetic that was so i killed that post. i called fil and left a sucky voice message please come home wah wah i hope i don’t barf again. i’m going to have a bath and then maybe drag my ass to a clinic. last nite i made hot toddy’s but with whiskey instead of brandy, then felt nauseous for the rest of the nite. today rules! hey at least it’s a blizzard outside and i keep thinking i am going to be dead by the end of the day right?
i will likely watch ratatouille next after my bath. don’t be jeals.
we watched the invasion last nite. i want to be a skeleton like nicole kidman and wear tiny sweaters with teeny tiny belts around my waist.
i had a seizure when i was a toddler during a blizzard, i was dehydrated from barfing a lot due to an ear infection, so this barf/blizzard is bringing me some wicked mental images right now! that is all.
cheeseburger in a can keep scrolling.
this is how much of a loser i am. i sat across from GABRIEL BYRNE at fresh by myself today and stared at him 677078 times and wussed out of taking his picture he looked at me a lot too with intrigue perhaps or maybe with stop looking at me eye contact pleading? anyway i took my time collecting all the take out items i ordered so my body was facing him and one of his buddies turns around to look at me (they were checking out everyone there) and i sort of half smile but am too shy to look at gabriel again so i duck out get to the corner of bloor and spadina (on my way for a tan) and notice that MY FLY IS DOWN.
SAME CORNER I NOTICED IT WAS DOWN LAST WEEK WHEN FIL DROPPED ME OFF.
FUCK YOU THE CORNER OF BLOOR AND SPADINA.
if you need me i will be in my loser cave.
to my left was where he was sitting against the wall.
at least i got an old tenner out of it.
and yes the irony is not lost on me that i was at fresh alone in the annex and had to ask a waitress who that guy was that i kept staring at and can you take his picture for me ? no you have to treat them like normal people? ok then. and my voice was sick husky raspy and then when i went for my tan all my food diffused throughout the room and travelled in through the fan at the foot of the bed and blasted me in the hot sweaty face for 8 SUPERbed minutes and i was already hot and flushed feeling from being sick to begin with it almost matched the last time i went where i thought i was going to crap the tanning bed the entire time.
oh and the environmentally sound take-out container containing my dosas decided to totally disintigrate so i had to carry the see-thru plastic bag of food home what looked like a huge bag full of barf.
i am never going outside ever again.
how would YOU feel if your fly was down in front of this guy?
FUCK MY LIFE!
when i got to the tanning salon i looked in the mirror and realised i didn’t look as dweeby as i felt and i bet he would have been charmed by me in some shape or form.
alack, yet another thing i have pussied out of.
me: sigh
is it tuesday?
oh its thursday
Phil: are you in a time machine
me: yes
