Ryan: let’s talk drinks i’ve never slept in 40 hours now
me: oh man no u need to sleep
Ryan: i see in your future a great hunger for a beer i know im no good to anyone or myself without like a nap but like after this nazareth song ill nap
me: dude theres a brew in the fridge i might hit it
Ryan: ddddooooo iiiit
me: after this nazareth song ill nap hahahhaha
Ryan: fuuuckkk yeah ARE YOU GONNA DO IT YA YOU ARE hahah i am typing with one hand because my fist is A ROCKIN’ IN THE AIR
me: not yet im too busy playing with a chin hair and fantasizing about plucking it
Ryan: aw shit it’s over
me: which song was it
Ryan: can’t you name it and tell the hipsters that you are a gardener but instead of lame flowers you cultivate chin hairs this flight tonight of course
me: i have one that grows every week under my chin couple others too it’s from a scab that used to be there from a wound
Ryan: haha i get unexplained hairs too maybe scabs? could scabs be the reason? wounds?
me: sometimes i forget and then one day im out and theres an inch long hair well it kept scabbing and i kept picking at it and wouldnt let it heal lucky i dont have a scar
Ryan: my cousin no lie has a hair growing out of his nipple that was 4 feet long once, and just one hair nail clippers lil bic shaver?
me: wtf why did he let it grow
Ryan: same as why you and me notice a hair like an inch long like you just don’t notice hahah we measured it in science glass
me: GROSS
Ryan: i mean class i know
me: i am picturing this and i dont want to be
Ryan: well mine grow outta my moles yeah don’t
me: ok molenough
Ryan: i can’t grow facial hair it sucks
me: tho i have one on my wrist and i rip out the hair when it is long enough with my fingers
Ryan: this is getting molerboard
me: people in thunder bay cant grow facial hair
Ryan: yeah i bite the one on my wrist off it’s always black
me: let me help molevate you
Ryan: that’s because they’re indians raymi hahah i need a mole lot of inspiration like it keeps happening i’m tempted to just say hi these are my moles and that’s the black hair that grows out of it i’m ridiculous i have blonde body hair black stubble brown hair and once i found an auburn hair like all i’m missing is red
me: are you one of those overly mole people
Ryan: no no if i were a girl you could call them beauty marks cause like
me: talking about hairs and moles is making me feel queasy
Ryan: they’re in ok places i understand me too. what’s the opposite of queasy easy? let’s talk drinks i see a healthy hunger for vodka in my future are we like fa-mole-y now
me: oh god
Ryan: i got nothin
me: i am farting into my towel into the couch
Ryan: hahah does it squeak are there people who would buy that towel, gross i don’t want to make you puke or anything but i remember i was havin a smoke with a guy who’d been in jail for so long and some tightie walks by and he goes all wide-eyed and pervy and foaming and goes “oh man i’d drink HER bathwater” hahah fuck i laughed
me: ungh pleasant
Ryan: another fart or the story
me: story
Ryan: yeah some people’s children
me: im trying to think of something more disgusting to share
Ryan: s to the megma buddy
me: i walked by this frat dude two nites ago who had a 180 degree pile of spew all around him on the sidewalk and all his buds were dancing around with tallboys in their hands i almost stopped and scolded them like come on take care of your friend thats the diff between girls and guys
Ryan: haha dancing to puke
me: girls like to take care of the situation immediately guys use it as entertainment opportunities
Ryan: i know but i like to be left alone and not looked at if i’m sick from the drink like lemme lay down somewhere for awhile on my side i’ll be ok so i let it go i saw my friend hit the beak of his hat with his puke once, holding it in, rushing to a sink – like you said, i laughed
me: hahahahha aw
Ryan: maternal instincts are all well and fine but if you catch me unable to stand just lemme hang out on the ground for awhile
me: ok i dont like mental pictures of spew
Ryan: yeah ok well imagine i was on mushrooms and it looked like a gay rainbow i haven’t puked from drinking in yyears actually i’ll stop the grossout festival
me: i love that scene in tenacious d the pick of destiny when hes on shrooms and thinks he is in a strawberry red river floating lazily down it with all these magical colours and nice music but really hes going down a fast rapid of dirty cold river water at nite and its freezing out the cut-to is the best i want to find it on youtube
Ryan: hahah yeah or like simpsons where willie’s making out with a rake
lucas and i made gogo dancing history together back in the day, upon speaking about it we pulled out a selection of moves that may or may not have been phenom. retardo looking.
i told him i wanted to dance challenge pink hat guy, he said no he’s filipino, you will lose. i was half-cut anyway and the disco ball rotation was making the room feel diagonally slanted so i packed it in. i got your number pink hat, look out next time. lucas is part filipino so i told him to dance off that guy, he would not.
gill and her pa.
oh yeah i poured half a bottle of champagne all over the floor and a table (thought it was empty) in front of allison then introduced myself and she goes yeah we’ve met i’m like well maybe if you weren’t so selfish and got a new hairstyle i would have recognized you and way to be in the darkest part of the room too. she had her hair up in the babest bun ever, see:
k bye i’m starving it’s balls hot out, there’s nothing to eat here and fil has been playing metroid all day long THANKS AGAIN RENE!
so i got a store credit for my ripped shirt, they didn’t have it at this location so i got a new dress instead, and another one. i was pretty close to getting the marimekko bikini or trying it on rather.
this is a size 6, smallest they had in black, the sizing at h&m is wonky, 8s feel like 6s, 4s look like 10s. sigh.
holy pipes much?
this is a 4.
i bought this too.
i was half feelin’ this polygamy dress, i think it was a 6 or an 8, either way it was way too much material and a total sweat magnet.
cute though with pockets, i like the A-line thing happening right now.
when am i expecting?
and this would be the dumpy potato angle.
oh hi we has a winner.
this was taken at the end of the nite before bed.
just a bit loadedskies.
help there’s a ghost after bonin’ me!
alas, the only penis i got last nite (fil’s sick).
the sun looked pretty on my walk to return my dress/shirt.
ghetto nutritious soup, this time w/ onion soup and spinach added.
blackberry mocha yogurt (no sugar) smoothie
hey claire danes! i’m such an idiot, i was bloated and ugly, but i should have invited you to lunch and then i went home and saw your picture on a celebrity database and right now i am in the middle of constructing a time machine to go back and scoop you!
fuckin’ missed connections i am this close to blowing you up.
well at least i have a stupid ponytail tan line now. i’ve also got a zit, well two, below my nose, summer zits are the worst.
fil is sick, he stayed home today. i have vanilla and mocha yogurt freezing in the freezer and some blackberries too, i’m going to try and make him a smoothie. rented lars and the real girl last nite (didn’r make it out to brad’s show sorry!) you so need to see it, phenomenal, totally totally totally amazing it is, i have no idea how ryan gosling was able to keep a straight face.
i’m pissed at myself cos i had a wicked zinger post composed in my head last nite just as i was about to drift off and i told myself to get up and write it down, but figured it was so good there’s no way i could possibly forget it. it’s gone. it involved fil and a joke about a refrigerator and a lot of exclamation marks to boot.
i invented a new low fat/carbs soup last nite, beef broth, brocolli, frozen (pre-cooked) chicken breasts, and some sriracha – it was really tasty, reminiscent flavour of bi bim bap or a way healthier kim chi, sans noodles and chemicals.
oh yeah and my new purple/black checked shirt dress thing i just got has three rips in it, the first of which happened at ted’s the nite of mgmt, i spread eagled to get myself up out of the church pew seat and the bottom button tore a bit, and then last nite when i got back from a wine run pulling it up over my head both pockets tore at their top corners WTF not like i’m andre the giant or anything and i know h&m’s shit be a little delicate (cheap), but not THAT delicate. i will consider exchanging it while i stare at my cindy crawford zit in the jazz mirror on the exercise bike right now for 25 minutes.
my fondness for this little monkey, even i know how bananas it is (not that bananas ‘cos as we all know i’ve dressed like a complete slob my entire life then thankfully someone famous brought boho chic into the limelight for me), haha, monkey, bananas, anyway.
i know it looks like bai ling, but it isn’t, it’s mkate. bonus below is her sister’s vogue shot:
also somewhat bai lingisgh. oh well.
oh i really feel like wearing my gaudy jewellery today and maybe that dude i saw panhandling in greenwich village yesterday will sell me his shirt?
growing out bangs as we speak.
she could totally be wearing more bracelets i don’t care.
babe. yes i feel wicked creepy right now, i feel like you.
acid yoko ono look.
when i go out to get milk or something banal like that and i don’t feel like showering, i look at this picture and say yep you’re totally good to go.
i love this guy because she looks like the midget in total recall, just the way her legs are like 4 miles apart when she stands like that. couldn’t find an apt enough comparison still, oh well.
those are her sister’s shoes, i read it in the nylon article jeesh shut up!
her arches must be SO busticated at the end of every day, i bet when she gets inside one of her bodygurads carries her around on a big satin hippy’d out pillow, i know i would.
perfection.
slip me a low five mkate, i can hang!
not feelin’ the 3-d specs and on anyone else those potato sack pants would be lethal, like lethal inject me lethal cos you look like a cow and i don’t know where you end you just keep going.
i think the one on the left she’s amidst the wee hours walk of shame, i think i read that on gofugyourself. anyway no, in answer to your question, i definitely do not have a “life”. oh ok here‘s the post about it, she’s not actually walk of shaming, they’re just suggesting that’s how she looks. and whatever, the chicks who pen GFY are old plain cunts who play it safe.
that quote is hilarious.
i learned this just yesterday so don’t go all restraining order on me ok, that chick behind her is her 18 year old sister lizzie who is 5’7 omfg this is almost over i swear BUT most importantly, mkate is wearing a fucking horseback riding stop for the nite and rest western blanket and unforgiven boots!
sigh. i told riza yesterday that if there were two of me i would have a better chance too.
the money oh the money, if i had the money can you imagine how much more wonderful my wardrobe could be. i’m this close to a depression spiral right now, easy.
