i burned my lower lip last nite from sneaking butter chicken before it had completed its simmering, took off a layer of lip skin and now it looks like i’ve had collagen injected, wicked. that’s my beauty tip of the day, scald your lower lip with something.
cats are little retards, dude sat like this for a solid ten minutes, he was in the licking zone then got distracted.
MUSCLE BEACH HERE I COME
i was listening to radiohead and having an autistic moment while fil was wii fitting, i thought it would be really whimsical of me if i made a video of myself re-outlining my aerobics drawing with red sharpie, too bad i didn’t, i’m sure the outcome wouldn’t be at all embarrassing. we rented the orphanage, i give it 3.8 stars.
ok so my art show date will be FRIDAY OCTOBER 3 at The Central, you know that spot fil and i finally discovered with the cool couch room upstairs? anyway yeah there, the majority of you voted for friday so i guess it’ll be a proper piss-up so save the date FRIDAY OCTOBER 3!
an old lady in our building talked to me and was nice! she was down by the mail in front of our box and i patiently waited for her to slide her purse over and she goes oh so you’re my neighbour i go yeah then she shows me her sarah brighton tickets whom i have no idea is i’m like uh folk rock? she said she was the only white person to sing at the olympics. oh haha that’s um nice for us white people isn’t it, go whitey! just kidding. she lives on our floor. i said i’d say hi to the cat for her she said oh yeah i saved him from the elevator. i just googled sarah brighton and turns out there’s also a sarah brightman, so i assume whichever is more lame is the show she’s going to. i almost started talking about how we are into music too but then remembered i was talking to a dinosaur so i canned it. no matter, this is good progress, a lot better than may 2-4 when she snapped at me for saying i was going up to the roof to try and see fireworks. i felt uncomfortable cos i was wearing cop sunglasses and i coudn’t take them off cos of the greasy mascara from yesterday under there, i always run out looking like a scumbag to grab coffee. why do old people always make you feel like you should be dressed like you just came out of the great gatsby?
i looked like this except a million times more disgusting.
i am happy to report that i have lost 3lbs, i am unhappy to report that it is from stress alone.
i am listening to the lesbian i love raymi cd mix my little buddy steph made for me right now, it’s adorable. she put a tonne of obvious messages in it like how much she loves me and to never leave her and blah blah PSYCHO! kidding, how cute is this! and who makes these anymore?
I like hearing wannabe suicide girl types bemoan how hardcore they’re living being some fucking two-bit weed and coke dealer’s girlfriend. Yeah, babe, you really lived the life. it’s going to be a great memoir someday when you’ve squirted out a couple of kids and are bored with your upper-middle-class husband.
FWAHAHAHABAAhahaahAHAa ah haha.
can we retire that line of reasoning yet? is the square police going to show up at my house someday and go excuse me the jig’s up time to straighten up and fly right your days of being unlame end right now.
sorry to break it to ya kids but i intend to be an obnoxious dick pretty much for the rest of my life, and no little shit kid i might birth is going to change that. do you know that it is actually 2008 and not 1950? since when does starting a family equate packing in your personality, i don’t even think it is humanly possible to undergo such a drastic change like that. i know my parents didn’t. my kid is going to be 1000% mouthier than i am and it is going to be hilarious until they hit their teens then BOARDING SCHOOL IT IS SEE YOU WHEN YOU’RE 18. haha. nuh i kid i kid, all my money is going toward holidaying as much as possible and leaving the kid with fil’s mom.
anyway the point is, what kid wouldn’t be elated to discover that their mother reigned supreme a tiny little nook of the nets for awhile, embarrassed you say? ok well i can just send you right back with the stork you ungrateful little twat, thanks to me you have a dazzling quick-witted personality and jokes up the yin-yang and are really really exceptionally good looking.
so in conclusion, no i will not regret this blog, and yes this will be a great memoir thanks for reminding me, i haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of all the stories logged in my demented brain.
sorry it didn’t occur to you to be interesting on the internet when blogging started.
raymi contest time come out and be socially awkward with me!
Pssst! Did you hear? Samsung and Koodo Mobile have launched MobileMoment.ca a site designed to connect Torontonians and keep the city up-to-date on downtown gossip (think craigslist missed connections). Login to the site and map your moment on the interactive Google map, reply to posts that interest you, or just spy on what others be talkin’boot. And it all comes together at the Make A Connection party at the Social on August 28. ANNIE and VND/LSM will be DJing and drinks will be flowing! Register today at MobileMoment.ca to RSVP.
i have 5 spots i can put on the list as well anyone can rsvp themself on the site, but if i put you down you may just get some extra hook-up WINK WINK WANK! Just remember that capacity at The Social is 350 so come early if you want to get in on this.
oh right i said it was a contest ok uh, to get on the list with me you have to just 1. not be a retard and 2. email me!
the paint is still wet so it looks a bit muddled i just could not wait to share this masterpiece with you guys.
this painting incorporates two of my most loathed things chicks do when they’re drunk and posing for pictures:
1 bullshit sign 2 faux doggy-styling each other (am i right or does that not make you want to throw them down some stairs?) 3 my really long arm, which i do not actually loathe.
also i gave her tits. ew? ((((art))))
don’t worry it is even shittier in person. oh shit fil just came home and pointed out my thumb is on the wrong side of my hand hahahahaha.
