barbie’s answer to antm, you know i am pretty feelin’ those thigh highs but you also know i am like 25 years old and not 8. ha even though i had thigh highs when i was in grade six.
what the fuck barbie? that hair isn’t even remotely close to being fashionable right now and why is it necessary to have MORE of IT? you are so desperately off your game i am wincing right now.
and now america’s next top model’s answer to america’s next top model, we couldn’t figure out if these were based on actual contestants or just invented non-existent chicks? what’s the point of the fake photo-shopped natural mug shot down there looking absolutely nothing like the actual doll? why bother? oh right, to SELL these things, gotcha.
looks like steph!
meet “madison” and “delancey” ugh, i gather named after the area of nyc each tramps around in. their BUY ME shtick is that they are digital camera pose-ready. a sad common theme throughout is the 2-for-1 packs of these beasts.
tres subtle.
fuck ugly boots check, red carpet cross-over pose check, oh look you and your real life friend can give each other piggy back rides what?
the next obvious move is tattoos of course.
i dug on this cos i remember that the accessories with my barbies were not on the electronic or technological side unless you consider an egg beater tech-savvy or oven mitts. it’s just neat to see and amusing picturing all that useless plastic in the belly of a vacuum.
why?
LETS GO FOR A LESBO BEACH CRUISE K? MMM’K! PUMPED? SO PUMPED! i am going to file this one under realistic. they may as well be driving a cloud.
speaking of reality here we go, pediatrician barbie. you know how they say the top whatever jobs are garbageman, doctor, old people and funeral parlour whatever cos ugh i cannot finish this, basically y’all a bunch of knocked-up ho’s!
see.
see. anne geddies barbie?
FACEBOOK PROFILE BARBIE I DON’T CARE HOW FAT MY ARMS LOOK IN THIS THING I HAVE ARRIVED PEOPLE!
TODD MARRY ME SO I CAN MAKE A FACEBOOK ALBUM AND GET WALL CONGRATS POSTS FOREVS. ugh listen chicks from high school i could barely stand, you are making the internet cringe one picture at a time, it’s not a donkey race to betroth just to impress me cos i can see it in your fiancé’s face, he’s not into you and you aren’t into him, so don’t do it you stupid fucks! what comes after marriage? babies. i think it should be made law that you must learn how to spell if you want to procreate. you were the dumb kids in school STOP MULTIPLYING and i’m not talking math here!
(no i am not harshing on my friends who have recently married, i love you guys, you’re the real deal)
GAH! 2-for-1 make-up busts, how is it supposed to be fun to paint the face of something that is already painted? you just can’t be natural can you barbie, because that would be revolutionary and would sell, for sure. i’m pretty sure every store in the annex would stock au natural tree hugging hemp sweater diva cup barbie dolls.
EWW. so it’s cheaper to manufacture entire feet instead of going the distance and making extra heels?
sickitating AND racist, why are the black feet basketball player shoe-sized?
super duper harsh sigh.
ok if that thing roller-bladed into the living room right now i would barf and shit myself and faint then launch it as hard as possible off the balcony.
WHO BUYS THESE THINGS? they may as well be troll dolls.
what happens next year how do you top this one bratz? a hot air balloon?
see how ugly (and tired) i am in comparison look what you are setting your daughter up for ya fuckin’ geniuses.
whore speakers for web-camminz’!
hahaha that’s what your bangs look like when you wake up in the morning after they are newly cut. this is a head on a vanity for some stupid novelty reason that wears off immediately so save your monies.
and that’s it, i avoided an entire aisle of teeny weeny bratz things cos this got really depressing and boring and tired and fil had to pee.
here are the two other times i did this before, here and here.
the aftermath of the santa claus parade was so disgusting, fucking families and their mcdonald’s trash, chip bags, candy wrappers, pop cans, tim horton’s coffee cups scattered from bloor all the way down to fucking queen, just everywhere (check the comments of that post if you’re bored).
meet fredrique, he lost his eye in a fishing accident three years ago and is quite sensitive about it
i feel like i am friends with mario and i can’t stop thinking about playing it god i need friends.
haha he was reading VICE, what a phony, a real punk would have kicked my ass for taking their picture.
Love the website so I thought Id send you a pic I drew
rented live free or die hard last nite, i already saw a bootleg version of it, anyway it is great except for all the totally impossible things that happen which i still enjoyed. feh.
we HAVE to beat this fucking game so we can move on with our lives!@!!!!!!
i will destroy all the floor tiles around your feet and send you into another dimension with my moves
i wonder what it’s like to not be an individual. to live your life as somebody else’s idea of fantasy. for some rich golf playing douchebag to check off on his items to buy list. what a hollow life.
i am an artist. fil was like a pet gerbil yesterday, he didn’t leave the condo at all.
ok so here is my muchly anticipated irritating movie theatre experience post. (which i got paid for BURN on you!)
let me know when i should turn this into the drawings of me by other people blog.
it was good that we were dressed like slobs last nite, i like doing that when i get vip for some launch event, cos all the others take it really seriously they’re like ahmagod all day long in their offices, sharon i have to go to a launch party tonite whatever will i wear??? SERIOUSLY SHARON! then i roll up and eat infinity free hamburgers and drinks and breakdance (i did) and people loved it (they did).
what the hell i quit dancing why? oh right, for weed and boyfriends that’s right. GO ME!
whoever leaves me the BEST drunk dial email/comment tonite or starting now, gets a christmas card!
i asked fil to take a picture of me being domesticated and he asked why because i am an animal needing to be housebroken? i meant domestic.
that’s how artists make it, you just do art and nothing else basically so you are forced to succeed. there, and thus the cycle of lazy continues on a little further.
ahh man it is going to be a loooong winter judging by how today went. i bought this stupid game for wii called balloon pop hoping it would be akin to that arcade bubble bursting game. it isn’t. i put it on thinking YES cutesy engrish explosive technicolour action packed puzzles galore will take us into snl home free wicked! i lasted two minutes then fil gave it a go and played 168 levels and could not stop. i read for a bit on the couch beside him silently thinking i fucking hate you so much (kidding) and kept pestering him to finish and just die already (in the game) anyway fuck that game i should have bought the golden compass or that animal crossing city folk one ARG. so i am already in i feel too fat for the outside world phase, cannot be bothered to humour any person place or thing with my usual witty repartee so we are insville tonite, rented a movie and if it blows we will hopefully get in a fight to pass some more time. ha one nite a few weeks ago in the lcbo fil picked up a nice bottle of rye and i said oh so ya want to get in a fight tonite? (fight juice)
i bought my dad the making of plastic ono band dvd for his bday next weekend after bugging all of hmv with the wrong name of it every young dude was beyond confused then a ponytail boomer comes up like pushes this emo haircut out of the way and exhales in one breath UGH JUST LET ME SEARCH IT bingo found it. funny.
we looked at new spectacle frames for fil, i picked them out, actually chose the best most pleasing pair my first selection, kind of a clark kent meets buddy holly meets wall street meets boner in my pants.
if i just keep blogging i keep the crazy at bay what else i am runnin’ out of ammo here.
oh right i have some swank tickets to give away for this xmas party at the windsor arms dec. 20 when i think of something humiliating enough for yiz’all to compete over winning my love for i shall let you know for now here’s some copy and pasted media release deets on it:
Smirnoff Vodka hosts RED HOTEL at The Windsor Arms
Essentially, Smirnoff will be taking over the entire hotel – flying in DJ’s from around the world and packing Toronto’s A-lister celebrity retreat with sexy and spirited holiday revelers. Expect mixology drinks, naughty hotel room interludes and pulsating late night dancing in an intimate setting.
WHAT: Smirnoff Experience: Red Night Hotel
WHERE: Windsor Arms Hotel, 18 St. Thomas Street, Bloor & Bay
WHEN: Saturday Dec 20th, 9PM Onwards
PRICE: $20 in advance @ www.smirnoff.com or $30 @ The Door
WEBSITE FOR MORE INFO and video to get you in the mood: www.smirnoff.com
*19+
Windsor Arms Voted the #1 Hotel in Toronto by Conde Nast Traveler Magazine 2007
this regular douche brought paris in just to show her off bahaha.
awesome picture what a little grunger.
brooke shields had a cream cheese bagel here we were told. we were told a lot of things actually. the owner/servers are the nicest people ever, go there and see for yourself.
haven’t had one of these in ages. so so sososossoosoo GOOD. i got it w/o fries to feel less guilty about it.
mmm jerk turkey w/ potatoes. sigh carbs i hate you so.
then we watched new jack city and hugged with our pants off.
hey Canaduhians have you heard of zoomit? they linked me and are basically like Digg or StumbleUpon or Delicious.
Not for the faint of heart – Raymi blogs on almost anything – she has won numerous blog awards, written a couple of books and even been interviewed on CBC Radio 3 – just goes to show you that a manic depressive agoraphobic with bipolar disorder can still still [sic] make a living – thanks to the internet. There is hope for us all.
fil doesn’t like his voice in videos (he claims to be shy) so that’s why it appears that i am constantly talking to myself in these things which, i essentially am, as he refuses to answer the ten million rhetorical and obvious questions i ask. anyway, wychwood park is a lush private hood between st. clair and davenport and you have to not only be fabulously wealthy to live there, you have to be invited or a crazy artist, i dunno, that’s what i’ve heard. you’re not supposed to drive through it like we did, or walk through, we always put on a great show of looking like we know someone who lives there or accidentally got lost and totally did not see the many private property signs. it is such a great looking neighbourhood and a marvel that it exists downtown (kind of) toronto.
so you’re welcome for this. in the summer it is gorgeous, and i’m sure autumn would have been primo for a little walkies through but steph (SHE FINALLY BLOGGED MY FERN!!) and i couldn’t get our shit together enough to make that happen. another cool thing is the wychwood barns just opened up and is now some sort of “artscape” thing, it used to be a ttc streetcar repair barn cute eh? thomas the tank engine much? that blogto article muses this area may be the next distillery, doubt it, but just maaaay be yeah? if the distillery weren’t so inconveniently located i’m pretty sure we’d go there more. anyway, wychwood barns, i bet the wychwood park residents have some major mixed feelings over its opening.
ok here i go, i’ve written about how i feel about smokers before last february, just how gross i feel when i see them out during the day and then inhaling second hand smoke accidentally as i pass by, sickening, why not some exhaust fumes for dessert. anyway, my newest beef with smoking is friends who smoke – sorry guys, you’re fucking annoying, mostly during winter, summer i can deal with you just fine, but winter when we all go to meet up i do not enjoy babysitting your purses jackets and drinks while you go out to smoke. it’s rude and inconsiderate of you also when you come back from your smoke you take your time going to the bathroom and chit-chatting with whomever you bumped into, fine do your thing but guess what, i am not a fucking coat check! i did not get there early to score a table for ten of you to dump your bags and shit all over me and give me barely a minute of humouring face time then you beat it out of there to stand up close to the stage and then when someone brings you the wrong jacket you have the audacity to give back ‘tude about it! guess what, YOUR jacket YOUR responsibility how dare you! meanwhile we thought you were out smoking or whatever, the whole time you’re down in the pit and we are stuck watching YOUR shit. hey guess what i really wanted to be down there too once i was ready for it but was forced to wait for one of you to come back to collect your goods and then given MORE attitude when i tell you we are leaving the table and you have to hold onto your own coat, R-U-D-E.
kind of using a couple specific incidents as an example here but anyway, it has happened numerous times and i am so beyond sick of it and now that we have months and months of cold temp. ahead of us i am just going to make it clear NOW that i am no longer going to tolerate this bullshit so wise up. did we all make plans so that i could spend 50% of the time sitting alone with your jacket? wtf is that?
THAT is why i am crabby every time you see me, so do me a favour and show a little respect. i’m completely fine with bumping into people whom i did not make plans with and they go for a smoke whatever, i don’t expect to be babysat all nite long by anyone, but what i DO expect is to not be left alone with your shit, or simply left alone when we all made plans together, if you consider me your friend, then start fucking acting like it otherwise PAYCE.
it’s fine if we are all out to dinner and smokers plus non-smokers are even steven but when you outnumber me i’m sorry, that’s a prick move on your part. it just is, acknowledge and accept that you are a prick and maybe i will accept your apology. maybe.
haha next time i am going to bring out like a huge bean bag chair and ask you to watch it for me all nite long while i stand on the opposite side of the room.
plan ahead like i do before going out, i look at all the crap i think i will need and decide ok do i want to hold onto this all nite long yes or no? can i deal, what if i want to dance, if i lose this umbrella is it that important to me? so say i do all that self-prepping minimalism for myself (which i do) do you now get how beyond frustrating it is to be asked to hold onto YOUR stuff? from now on do not ask i don’t care if you have to go help someone barf, BRING YOUR PURSE WITH YOU.
k now back to smoking beef, sometimes i can barely tolerate going out to a show but i suck it up and go along with otherwise the couch would suck me in completely and dust and cobwebs would accumulate all around me permanently anyway, i went the distance to be a good sport and join in on your reindeer games and liquored myself up to tolerate the tedious boredom what is every fucking band that sounds the same to me (not the ones that i actually like) so don’t make it worse for me by fucking off like that, basically.
i mean, i totally get the wanting to be fancy flirty free while out havin’ a good time and all, smoking with yer hands free is great but sorry not at MY expense if you want to be fancy flirty free leave your humongous fugly purse at home, or get a smaller one. haha i can’t get over this at all.
the only time i don’t care is when i’m shithouse drunk and so is my smoking friend and if they have one more cig it puts them over the edge. seriously, step outside after several rounds, gulp in some oxygen and you realise how trashed you are – then you make the mistake of having a smoke and it’s spinsville. you deserved it haha. that is my ONE gift to you dear smoker, take many many deep breaths when you step outside before you light up a smoke to regulate your oxygen intake i don’t know what the scientific explanation is other than it is magic and will save you from the spins, gulp up that air and you’ll realise hey man i am looooooooaded i do NOT need this smoke, i want it because i am loaded, but i so don’t need it. you can email me to let me know that you did not take this advice and instead chose to go down in a spew of glory.
what i’m getting at is, who wants a girl’s non-smoking dancing nite out?
file this under: SICK
:: PARIS CALLING
Hey sexy BODY GIRL
I’m Daniella origin from west indies and my BF : GG from Mauricius island wouaww omg, my jaws were down and my BF chocolate raised (-: and we both love your divin sexy face with that revolver eyes (-: well here some picture of our HOT evenings in PAris taken by my BF, he loves to see me with other girls! we would be pleased to invite u in PAris don’t be afraid i never eat anyone just licked till… (-; it will be a pleasure for me to be your PErsonnal body guard (-;; sweet heart in PARIS, the romantic city for a romantic tour lol waiting to talk with you by webcam
I’m Real Bi girl and my BF straight and we’re a fun loving couple from PAris
HOOOTT kisses from both of us where it gives you a max of pleasure
Daniella and GG
i will let you use your own imagination as to what their photo stream looks like.
