sass‘ roommate is bummed over some docs not processing in his favour and as he was bemoaning the situation his lovely girlfriend faith says remember what earnest hemingway said…and he says EARNEST HEMINGWAY WAS A FUCKING DRUNK AND HIS GREATEST LANDMARK IS A BAR IN KEYWEST. he’s got a very defeatist attitude right now. everything about him is hilarious to me, how he complains about his misfortune, all peppered with clever digs.
thanks for this, fuckos!
the thing that blew my mind about oxford one time was leaving a bar with a drink in my hand and walking right on down the street with it and that being perfectly alright. it was a lazy sunny sunday and i pounded a peach schnapps and sprite (archer’s lemonade, try it. archer’s peach schnapps is the one yer supposed to have but they’re all exactly the same so it doesn’t matter and lemonade is what they refer to sprite as in this drink mix. why they couldn’t call it peach schnapps and sprite is beyond me) then ordered a bottle of smirnoff ice to go (blech ew this was the year before it hit canada so i drank it exclusively over the summer of 2000 in england and can not have one since unless it’s in a power shandy)(ew way too much booze talk lately) where the fuck am i now? right so i am talking about all this because we were taken on a tour of oxford and one part of it led to a pub where a billion famous author’s names were listed off to us who drank there, bringing me back to gunther’s hemingway zinger.
i am moving today it just occurred to me that i won’t be a commuting gypsy after tonite, like, can sleep in my own bed for once. mind is sufficiently blown.
were you touched by the mj tribute last nite on the grammys? no that wasn’t a double entendre you sickos. (yes it was) but anyway seriously now, do you feel they’re being slightly exploited maybe just a little? and why does his daughter look like a mini-sarah palin? prince’s little speech was moving and what poise. i was impressed.
these tights nancy spungen’d all the way down the left leg.
this woman is killing it.
ok so my thighs aren’t going to look any better any time soon so i’ll show these crap pics of my new insane asylum vintage number instead of taking better ones.
flash does not do me or my hair any justice or favours.
yeah thanks for help making my body look like a coke bottle.
i am having laundry clothing organization fantasies right now ahh swoon. looks like i’ll be hitting up my fave swedish store pretty soon. no not h&m, i mean the one with the meatballs and the stupid names for stuf everyone thinks they’re funny about when they point to their stupid coffeetable.
running on steam. bye-o!
unhappy hipsters is so fucking clever oh man, best meme tumblr to date, hands down. good find sass.
He couldn’t stand another night with that smug hookah. AHHAHAHHA making fun of design culture is just as rewarding as making fun of fashion culture. it’s not that we hate fashion and the people and the skinny, or we’re jealous, please, it’s that we’re sick of hearing about it, reading about it, who cares already? stop making it a thing. yeah yeah nice shoes COOL 600 words please do go on. omg drool a dress omg sigh faint a chair that looks like a suitcase. obnoxious. that being said i really did enjoy snp’s fashion rebuttal. sometimes catty snark can be oh so beautiful.
my left thigh looks like johnny knoxville’s right now. my left hand is very battered, knuckle exploded into a bruise got hit in the same spot twice and later on my thumb. i took out the first opposing team on my own for the most part. then the second round again. then i got a reputation that spread throughout the building. we all worked together but yeah i was a little insane kamikaze in the beginning. once my hand got hit i lightened up a little. getting it in the mask is pretty funny, very sobering. speaking of which not a one of us was. the paintball aficionados said we were the best renters they’d ever seen. this pack of kids didn’t want to play us cos we were a bit aggressive. picking people off is fun once you get in position and see a guy crouching having no idea you’re right on him holy gun psycho talk ok one more thing you pant a lot from adrenaline and over-exertion, totally wicked workout. bruises likely won’t go away for awhile. i have sand everywhere and my chucks are fucked.
bought these yesterday from value village. they’re a little small. i think your feet shrink when you lose weight. i also bought a vintage one piece swimsuit i’ll show when i take a better picture in it.
it was a wonderful buzzkill to have the paintball place situated right beside a church. people streaming out and we’re all packed in one vehicle pounding brews what’s up god folks?
there’s a central fb page out there somewhere i need to be an admin for so i can load it up with pictures. we left those balloons behind and when we came back after paintball they were still there haha.
kamilla is wearing my $1 raybans. fakebans.
uggggggh. it was the boss’s idea to get us blasted (j/k)(sort of)(best boss ever!) so we’d be easier to pick off. pretty much backfired immediately. being gunned takes the sting and the fear out of how fucking scary the act of paintball is.
the green fairy. oh boy.
after. oh man i was worried for a minute there. then my hands and arms buzzed like crazy for a bit. absinthe at noon on a sunday.
last nite was hip hop nite which will never be happening again cos it got insane and no one tipped. i was cut early thankfully and once i left the crazy turned way up. cops showed. tellin’ you guys, central is lighting up big time.
hard to capture but once it’s more significant i’ll definitely document and share my bruise progress. who the fuck shot me twice in a row? i got teppei in the side of the head, i feel pretty bad but have to admit, it kinda felt good too.
if you come for a drink and it’s not too busy i’ll pour it into a special glass just for you.
tomorrow i move house i cannot wait for tuesday and for it to be all over so over tired so many stories to tell so little time. i am done being a travelling gypsy. all my stuff is disorganized, clothes are mixed with dirty and clean ok who cares no one wants to read about that shit.
my right arm is becoming very sore now. took some shoulder hits but mostly from carrying the gun.
i’m ripping this off jenny. procrastinating when i should be doing loads of other important things is the only way i can survive my stupid life.
A – AVAILABLE: um, sometimes. i guess not, schedule’s pretty packed at the moment see you in a few weeks.
B – BIRTHDAY: march 31, 1983. omg turning 27 soon, the jinxed age: cobain, morrison, hendrix, joplin, brian jones etc.
C – CRUSHING ON: anyone who will look at me.
D – DRINK YOU LAST HAD: coffee.
E – EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: someone who is super high cos you can corner them with all your material and they can’t get away.
F – FAVORITE SONG: wicked messenger black keys cover, but a classic is anna (go to him). i play this version frequently.
G – GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: worms. ew worms. ring worm.
H – HOMETOWN: streetsville
I – IN LOVE WITH: myself and clothes. myself in fabulous fabulous clothes despite favouring dressing like a hobo.
J – JUGGLE: penises
K – KILLED SOMEONE: no. but i am amazing in goldeneye for N64 and make dudes throw giant rages when i beat them even though i warned them. DEAL WITH IT TESTOSTERONE.
L – LONGEST CAR RIDE: toronto to manhattan though LA to arizona felt longer and was scarier cos we drove through a monsoon the same nite toronto got the blackout.
M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: chocolate
N – NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 1 brother, ‘spect!
O – ONE WISH: $$$$$$$$$$$$$$
P – PERSON YOU TALKED TO LAST: steph.
R – REASON TO SMILE: it’s sunny out, shit’s never as bad as you think it is, eventually it will be spring again. uhm i’m stoned.
S – SONG YOU LAST HEARD: no one does it, dept of eagles.
T – TIME YOU WOKE UP: 11 when my dad called then 12 (funky sleep schedule plus i’m a dirtbag and will be working late tonite)
U – UNDERWEAR COLOR: pink with three hearts on the front. pedophile panties. EW i am throwing these out. (or selling them to you on the adult ebay)
W – WORST HABIT: oh god sooo many. fanatic ear picking is probably the worst.
X – X-RAYS YOU’VE HAD: do ct scans count? i’ve never broken a bone knock on wood so no boner x-rays.
Y – YOYOS: is this the only Y word you could come up with? i actually had a yoyo phase in highschool it lasted a week but i was pretty good. the end.
Z – ZODIAC SIGN: aries but i don’t really believe in this garbage.
OBNOXIOUS WATER! if some asshole came to my picnic and revealed this little treasure oh man, get the FUCK off my blanket immediately. i mean obvs i will have a buzz on at any picnic duh (so it’s opinions time) but seriously THANK GOD FOR THIS TINY FUCKING GLASS THAT CAME WITH THIS TEENY LITTLE BOTTLE I MEAN, I JUST WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITHOUT IT HOW DO I DRINK THIS UGH WILL IT STILL POUR? SO PEDESTRIAN. oh and of course a woman at this high-end market was like have you ever been here before? me no funnily enough i haven’t. i’ve gone passed it the past 26 years of my life but never actually been inside but relax lady stop dying all over yourself about it this isn’t the cheese boutique, jesus.
thank god for these tiny little apples too and their tiny little individually cellophane bagged bags, sigh, such dreamy little life savers. (in case you can’t tell anymore i am being disgustingly sarcastic right now. these apples make me want to puke diarrhea)(oh my god it’s bed time).
Markus why don’t you apply this fire and brimstone to your precious Catholic Church?…your priests and bishops certainly know a thing or two about blowjobs and pilfering cash.
wuh-oooooah gnarly burn dude!
oh i just remembered i dreamt (nightmare!) that i had a $450 phone bill. i’m going to check my bill summary online right now to see if my dream was true. this post was going to be longer. internet has been spotty here at my dad’s. watched some planet terror with my brother earlier, holy sickitating.
update: it’s $122. not great but not $450 either so, good.
yeah i guess i should update this thing. look at my hair. LOOK AT IT. ugh zzz. no energy today cos i got blasted with mom last nite. i don’t think i paid for one drink. city girls you really really need to branch that shit out sometimes. city boys never pay for shit. no gentlemanly nothing to ‘em (if you so happen to bump into one at a bar, not saying they’re all like this). it’s cos they see city girls as plentiful, if that one can’t stand my scroogeness there’s five more lined up down the bar who’d probably die to buy me a drink. in the suburbs there’s more men than women to go around, or at bars anyway. also you are hotter than everyone else too because you know how to put outfits together so you pretty much have the pick of the pack. i walked passed a group of dudes on my way back from the bathroom, one guy was like blah blah blah well and then i…JESUS! good feeling. sorry i am in an arrogant phase right now. crazy single girl syndrome i suppose.
i also cannot get the vision of all my possessions stacked in garbage bags out of my mind every single second of the day it really bothers me. monday can’t come soon enough. on sunday the boss is taking us all paintballing that’ll be a good stress reliever. i was going to say i don’t think i’ve ever shot something before but that’s not true i shot bb’s though i doubt the rush is anywhere close to amazing as the one you’d get from shooting someone with paint pellets or whatever they come in.
ugh so scattered.
i feel like everything i post is TMI forever anyway. i don’t even know what normal is anymore. i feel so disconnected from myself, i don’t know how to describe it. i’ll chalk it up to stress and feeling like i am constantly running. i can’t be still. SEE more TMI! omg just shut up.
go to this tonite. fil will be there. we’re cool now.
