Hi guys. It’s me again. My blog traffic has been snowballing I keep telling you, so now I gotta feed the monkey and be somewhat consistent with my bullshit here like I can even recall what I said last, the rich content (images/youtube) blerh blah. I have two lives. I have two names. Can you blame me?
As I turn the page on to part two of my life now that I am back in Toronto, with new eyes. It feels pretty cool. December was hella stressful, a lot going on and January is only phase II of crazytown for your hero. Lots of changes this month as well. I have several ongoing projects alongside clients, new gigs and things to do, see, endorse, show up to and so on, and the social media correspondences that never. seem. to. fucking. end. I am snapping on a few of my elite fans lately and being gifted sweet merciful karma in the forms of obsessive compulsive texting messaging me relentlessly dept. and my patience has been beyond tested. I also have a psychotic stalker who talks about me to herself all day long (libelously!) in a messageboard as well as subtweets me and emulates everything about me while bashing me obsessively. I’ve just super had enough.
It was a struggle to communicate hey I am on vacation in Detroit LEAVE ME ALONE I was anxious about returning to Toronto to this shitstorm of people just wanting to drag me into their lives again, their drama. I still plan to not be a part of it like fuck I’m busy let me work. I designed my own life please let me live it.
Despite all my rage I’m still just a whatever in a something. Moving along now! I bought the three ding dongs these hats. Mom said I left mine in Oakville godsarnit!
I am excited about my shift today at Swan Dive I am blogging my nerves out here as well as just blogging for the joy of it. Blogging is great for your metabolism because it can be stressful asf especially when you are squeezing it between doing other shit on your list.
Bloody Mary bar. Not called a caesar bar like I inish thought. Bloody Mary is American. It goes down to the differences in our tomato juice, so stupid, who cares!!?!?
Wasn’t in drinking mood too bad. You get a glass of vodka from the bar and off you go to town here. Click to enlarge.
One of my ratchet looks. Funeral procesh went by. Sad. Crushed a burg in a min. Happy.
I want to become a better dancer. I will become a better dancer. Dancing at the bar is gonna be tight. Maybe Babysitting Money (one of my dj alter-egos) will get to spread their wings and soar.
Am probably wearing that little wee green number tonight. I will be a human jungle. Oh lawrdy.
When the neighbours are completely brilliant too and you are like is this even real.
RSSR wanted me in these glasses from day one. I wear a lot of specs. I have a thing about the bridge part of the nose being too wide, too much for my nose. Anyway I like how this photo turned out okay I am not always right.
Bruv that passport has been around the block and then some.
This is a mod trench. feeeeeeeeeeling it.
It was so good. I still ate a bag of chips afterward. I just love American chips. I want it I eat it the end.
Like the Slave for you Britney spears video pink thong over her jeans you know I already tried it on like that as well the first night when they showered gifts on me and I was beginning of trip skinny. One of my favourite gifts thank you!
Hello fraus. What a week it has been. So wonderful. I have like, a million stories. I guess we can begin at NYE. The Royal Oak Music Theater. L and I and R were the best dressed assholes in the joint (Deren said so) and speaking of, I finally got to meet one of my e-besties Deren Ney of Nicki Bluhm and the Gramblers. He’s one of my fav whatsapp collections. Nicki has been in a GAP ad, they’ve played the national anthem at baseball stadiums and shit. Big times.
You know how we became friendly fires? I did a dance video to their Hall and Oates cover song and boom. History. We were supposed to meet on April 1 but I went to Aruba for my 30th a couple year’s back as he blew into Toronto – sad face. A few near misses since 2012 as he is a touring rock and roller but not this fucking time! It was a moment asf. I spread it that he was my brother and you would not believe how quickly it caught on and he said all my and Lizzy’s front row antics were hilarious. Best time yassss.
The music video in question. fun trick. mute this. play it to ANY SONG YOU WANT AND IT WORKS.
Minxed all up around the joint.
The next morning. I don’t look so mangled do I now. If you fall asleep in your party dress then you weren’t so much a devil the night before. Party girl rule of thumb up yer bum.
Go big or go home. Or. Go big THEN go home. As we did. Lul. This pic brang in some star quality attention whup-wuuup.
The voyage began in a small town called fonthill. So many joyous computer font puns just ran through my head you don’t even wanna know. We stayed in a modern home. A big part of modern homes involves cement. Such as these steps. The floors were heated but lemme tell ya from my bare ass, this particular step wasn’t. I am trying to build more confidence with nude modeling, artistic and candid hipster Raymi magic etc so yeah. Just in posting them. I always feel the sting before the burn of my ego’s grapple over should I or shouldn’t I plus WHO am I? Just fucking do it, right? Slutever says if you’re going to post one nude you may as well post nine thousand. And how dare I say!
We spent the night and had a nice late brunch of beautiful homemade quiche, mimosas. It was lovely. It has been a nice holiday. Been dying to unwind for a month now and shut off my phone.
An adorb, spooky, whimsical and oh so perfect treehouse in the backyard. Said I slept in it and the internet believed me like a firestorm. YO CHILL!
You know how much of a glory hog that I am so you know I loved the vip treatments of Kame & Kettle brewery the new mastermind godsend to the tiny beautiful town of Fonthill. That’s my second FH endorsement! Drop in for a gorgeous pint of craft OPA beer in this brewery if you’re one of those roadtrip date artists, take her here. L and I serenaded them to Adele’s Hello when it came on and all the regulars loved it. They have board games too! Bring your own picnic even.
Then we drove to Detroit and crushed some A&W along the way. It never ceases to amaze me how fast I can eat a hamburger.
Our Christmas festivities continued over at Daddy Doc’s. He was supposed to head out by 8 but the dream team kind of changed those plans once we arrived with a bottle of this crazy chocolate coffee liquer shit woooooooowhee Bethlehem it was good asf times. We went over again to play the other night and I got into a chainmail body suit let me tell you it was a bit scary and exhilarating I have newfound respect for the S&M scene you crazy fcuks! Getting it off was the scary part I am very protective of my blond hair which is loads more delicate now. It took all three of them to get it off me and we had to put a hipster toque over my face, head, hair and neck. It pinched too a bit. Okay more on that later I haven’t even uploaded a picture of it.
My traveling workspace takes many forms and shapes you should see what it looks like right now haha.
Selfies at Doc’s are funny and fun. I’m overwhelmed with murterial for dis blog.
Orgasmic chicken was had in Mexican Town once we left Doc’s place. I have a picture of the name of this place on my phone if you really wanna know. We got a bird for the road too and ate it over the course of the next 48 hours. Just sharing my life with you people!
I was extremely spoiled in gifts by these people. Can’t even. Hashtag so blessed (that’s a Jonah Hill joke rip-off) but anyway it’s so true.
I heard on facebook that we should not humble brag anymore but to just straight up brag. So fine. This guy chased me down. Twice. To tell me I was an unbelievably hot beautiful woman. That has not happened in a long time or like maybe ever? I felt I should mention it. Lizzy and I were little rascals hehe.
Getting ready for the night. There was another awesome one of these where I am flipping the bird but I thought the sky would fall if I posted it so I went the safe dumb dumb route. Lizzy’s face brings all the boys to the yard.
Our pal Doc is a man of many hats. A photographer, music show producer guy plus day job but anyway he has a collection of props for said photoshoots and it is fun to hang there.
Oh my gosh the day has just flown by. Time to wrap this up. Soon.
Lurve this coat.
Might shoot another video tonight. Very very fun.
Learning where to stay within the lines of. See how I can’t take authority at all lol.
Arm bling blang.
Lots of new dresses spoiled and rotten. That’s my thing. Come see me in action Thursday night at Swan Dive btw.
Hello! For Christmas my gift to you is a blog post and in it I will discuss our favourite person: me. I’ll try not to complain or say anything too mental.
The images I’ll be using will be a varietal ongoings-blend of the last month cos lawrdy know, I is behind. If you’ve seen some of these pics already before I don’t care (already a lie, I SO care) because they need to be on my blog for the newbies.
I was freezing during this shoot. If only it was as warm that day as it is today. It’s climate change times like these that comfort me and my lack of reproductioning cos by the time my kid is an adult the whole world will be a goddamn swimming pool.
Creepy outtake I liked.
On way to Ho Ho to. Still need to blog that too. I’m covering my nose cos sometimes I fantasize about it not being there and how much prettier I would be at all times. I don’t even care how pathetic and narcissistic that makes me sound. We get one face and we have to deal with it our entire lives.
Not only frozen to death I was also hung af. Went to a big party the night before and also had a shoot the day before. When I push myself I can get it done but the aftermath fatigue is something very real. But that’s my life and I made my own bed.
Having this shit on my face at Grand Electric was amusing. You talk to people and kind of have to act like you aren’t aware of the intergalactic insanity smeared on your eyes and they also play the game along with, ignoring the pink elephant too. People in Toronto don’t offer up personal things to strangers because it’s like, please stop trying to tell me about your life. I pointed at my chest (self) and declared, “photoshoot today” then felt like a total loser so after that I just acted like the makeup’s not there. So NOW I’m an idiot who wears eccentric warrior makeup and that’s my thing.
The only Joe Fresh who took this bait was Joe Fresh Korea. I’ll take it!
Did you ever hear about Pedro the old ass seagull who was my friend for an entire afternoon at Wasaga beach and 100% because I fed him a medium sized thing of mcdonald’s french fries? We have many family photos of this bird that spent the day with me, even sat on the blanket hahahha. I was solo cos my brother was old enough by this point not to be dragged to all that family road trip shit. In the photos on the beach blanket, you can see all these nerdy books I was reading at the time too and my journal. NERD ALERT. You probably knew this story already because you know everything about me.
Enough about me for two seconds. Booboodoodoo is back in my life again. With another booboodoodoo (a son!) good times dudes. She’s a partner in a new venture (a bar called Swan Dive please follow them on twitter!) and I’m going to be bartending there wee-hoo. Located at 1631 Dundas St w, Swan Dive is an ecclectic scene a la “Grandma goes to the disco” says Bechnique. Peep their Instagram too and follow thank you! They are open for NYE and if I were in town I’d be ‘tending but you should go anyway cos there’s no cover.
I die.
Just totally perfect. I thanked Rebecca for this “mother experience” yesterday. Found him a high chair on the street nd carried it back to Swan Dive for them it was so lesbian. I was dressed like a lumberjack cholo as well.
The showcase will be filled with oddities. We repeated the word oddities numerous times after that because fun.
Hardware store was fun and funny. There were xmas trees on display and Rebecca would say do you want to see the christmas? Look it’s the Christmas. You get to reform language with children it’s best.
On Monday did’er up at Addisons rez for the agave tequila party. I have to blog that too.
How could you even concentrate on playing me with my hair doing things like that to you?
Saw Hunger Games 2 nights ago. Loved it. I want Jenna Malone to have a crush on me.
I was on the phone with Lizzy walking home last night saw this house was like yo I gotta take a picture of this I have to go. Demon vintage cat!
Toronto is amazing. Can we come in and see your storage facilities just curious where you put all this crap inside.
Watched 3d A Christmas Carol, the Jim Carrey one. Did not know it even existed. Naturally I was mindblown.
The state of the table after eating was so funny. I’ll share later. not even the baby’s fault at all. Pho is messy cos you’re eating soup with chopsticks hello!!!
Dan Levy and I at hohoto. Getting the timing right and trying not to look fug makes for zany photobooth pics. I love and cherish them. I haven’t even looked at our own personal reel of pics from the night, I made Rob get pics from the outside through the curtain at us and he said those ones are amazing.
Twas a very good night and YES I’ll be covering it on Raymi Toronto. I blew my load on a different post the other night that’s the cue to be posted yet bla bla blah etc you don’t care. Do you want to compare To Do lists? Omg what an idea for a book. Famous People’s (or normal people’s) to do lists. From grandiose dreams, to mundane shopping items. Seeing the ongoing crap that Kimye does (vineyard) to other future projects. I would basically read anything about anyone at any time.
Okay now we are talking.
Raspberry liqeur night oh what fun hahah. I ate a million clementines.
The next slew of shots I roll out will be from this shoot. Yes I am the worst.
Sometimes my spirit animal is Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman when she wears her spectacles all trainwrecked and her eyebrows are scarily off-set in shadow, kind of like mine. We all have celebs we secretly convince ourselves we are as hot as. Oh fuck I have so many delusions don’t even get me going.
Party injury. Wasn’t my fault someone did it to me.
When I was a pensive bunny. Preschool terrifed me to be honest I think my brain was still developing. I was like who are these people and WHAT is going on? I was so shy I had no voice. I remember getting scolded and viewing the teachers as 80’s cruel. This is a picture of me judging everyone.
I started bikini modeling young, in Florida. Why the hell is this my bathing suit mom? Lol!!! I didn’t know how to swim yet I remembered being scared of this pool. We threw rocks in it too and my dad had to swim in to get them. Shawn and I have ALWAYS been giant assholes.
Mocha was the best. Is someone cutting an onion in here? This is probably the first day of Preschool, second year? My style has been rock solid from the get-go.
I am smiling because we had been beating the shit out of each other for an hour on the grass and it was super fun we got grass stains on our brand new jogging pants knees and got in trubs cos after Nana’s we went to our other grandparents and these were our back to school clothes lol. normally I wouldn’t smile cos I didn’t get the whole posing prettily concept or being aware of being photographed and it made me very uncomfortable.
Can you believe I remember this moment? I remember everything about that day. I was kind of scared of Santa here and I didn’t understand why it was Christmas in July to the point of my parents being like give it a rest Lauren! But why is Santa here right now? Why don’t more people know about this??? I was so inquisitive always asking questions could never enjoy anything because I had to know. Meanwhile Shawn is chill as a pill.
Obviously I got screwed over with a bumper boat that only went in circles for my whole turn. I was PISSED.
Shawn was the cute one. I came from Fraggle Rock. Also one of my nicknames. :(((( hahahha.
Everyone told me to scram after this cos I am a girl. Thanks you’ve been great have a wonderful holiday with your loved ones and to the solo peeps out there, I got you!
She tastes purtier than she looks. update: got the melon liquer open and drank it on the couch while watching marc maron stand up comedy it was hilaaaarious.
Hello Dings. Hello Dongs. I’m here today to talk to you about Star Wars The Force Awakens. I will not spoil anything for you (I might though, to be fair) here. I use to review movies way back when on my blog, out of (pain) pleasure and sometimes out of payment plus pleasure. My reviews typically revolved around all the things that pissed me off in the movie theatre along with hair-brained opinions of my own, as well as differing ones that always drove me up the wall and makes for great blog fodder.
I’m putting this post on RTM instead of Raymi Toronto cos I want raymitheminx to get all the glory although the potential of it going viral (getting picked up) would be something good for RTDot but I have had this bout of writer’s block this week blergh blah so I need to exercise my mind in a less stringent environment, which would clearly be here.
I’m going to get this part out of the way first. The part that super-ensured I review this movie at all because of all the haters posting about how much they allegedly “don’t care” about Star Wars very much proves otherwise. Oh yeah, you don’t? Cos I see you big time caring over there in actuality. You’re POSTING ABOUT IT. You remind me of me trashing on the world cup cos I never bloody ever watched it. Guess what happened when I watched it? BOOM. Bandwagon. With me on board. Every single person ranting about Star Wars HASN’T EVEN SEEN IT YET. And. It’s not like I am even a Star Wars superfan or anything here because I’m 100% certain I passed out cold at the last Star Wars movie I saw in theatres I am way on the fence with this one residing firmly in the middle between utter boredom and okay fine I’ll see it only cos the tickets are free and everything else is that I will be consuming as well as I got five t-shirts as xmas gifts for my loved ones lol.
Moreover. I cannot stand people who act as though they are more-evolved than others for shunning a widely loved and recognized movie. It’s just ONE THING people. Can you not let people see it and then move on with your life? It didn’t become a thing until I saw lots of people (myself included) sharing their cinema photos posing in front of the Star Wars sign en masse like we know it’s a dorky joke and that’s why we are doing it. Really, that PISSES YOU OFF SO MUCH? To see nerds happy? You think you’re evolved? Sorry. Nerds are the evolved ones. Let them have this. Go back to your nasty too cool for school hovels, preaching this that and the other sanctimonious shit like no other day then. You’re hypocritical AF cos when you post about something you love, wouldn’t you lose your mind if someone posted all this OMG SO BORING shit all over it?
This popcorn made me crazy fyi, and the pop. I just had too much. After the movie waiting for my friend outside I was having a panic attack. Going to the movies is no easy feat, especially downtown Toronto on a Friday afternoon. Going into public spaces with crowds is going against everything I stand for so I get that anxiety is another reason why the haters are hating too. All my old movie reviews revolve around someone sneezing and it thwarting me into WWIII of the mind and god have mercy on the soul of the (any) person sitting behind me who so much as grazes the back of my seat. All reasons to NOT go to the cinema. You know what I finally discovered was a big helper in watching movies in a giant room full of noise-making strangers? Drunk movie watching. Pop one or two back and you will not care about ANY sound nor even be aware of it in the theatre but go in there as a c__t, on-edge type and you only have yourself to blame.
Now. Here are the FUN REASONS why you should go to a star wars premiere with a bunch of nerds. Every time someone tripped up the stairs beside me here, green shirt guy had a trip count and would announce to that person which number they were who had tripped right on that spot. Also. Light sabers kept going off accidentally. They were provided by the company Nimble Storage who did a presentation for us which resulted in free popcorn pops and t-shirts as previously mentioned. It was MY light saber that went off during the presentation from being nudged on the floor and it would not turn off, was extremely humiliating and the guys behind me had to deal with it. Which was a lesson to be learned prior to movie screening as there is nothing scarier than nerd rage during movie-interruptus. I would not let that thing near me for the movie at all.
My legs killed from taking the stairs tbh another reason I felt a bit green after the movie (they were shaking on me) I had no energy left Star Wars sucked it out of me paying all that attention haha. Look at ALL the lazies who took the escalator up ha ha.
Might wanna remove that coming soon portion.
I wanted to take a few more to use for a photoshoot but people were getting greedy clutching 3 per person so I was like nahhh.
This pile quickly disappeared.
Then the horrible part happened when I had to give up the seat beside me cos the guy on the end had hoarded so much shit he had no room and I kinda snapped at him yo bro move your things, make room why should I give up MY extra seat? I lost. He pretended he didn’t speak english anymore what a guy anyway, the bro who sat beside me was decent and we chatted throughout until we were both less lost in what was unfolding in the movie. SPOILER ALERT “Is that the new R2D2?” “Yeah I guess so” then later on R2D2 appears lol. Neither of us knew when the last Star Wars actually was but it doesn’t matter cos they string it together for any idiot to understand and the leading girl isn’t famous AF yet so it’s not distracting.
My new shirt and yours too if you’re one of my special guys. I rate Star Wars 4/5. If I didn’t go, and before I went, I’d be like omg whatever. But I went and so here we are. I look fwd to seeing Hunger Games next week something I’ll like a million times more. Okay peace.
“My colleague showed up and I could hear him for ten minutes prior to him sticking his head in my room. I’m a voyeur like the rest and best of ’em too I guess. It was just kind of funny because it was torturous as I could not move from this chair lol.”
Hello hello HELL OH. Lets see. Write a list of things that are pissing me off right now OR go into blogzilla mode and write ding dong poetry like I have been intending to for days along with these awesome visuals. I really need to turn off devices, unplug, disengage. Do it up right like I always did before here. Shut out the haters. The hater does not exist and don’t feed the trolls. It’s goals goals goals. If I told you all “what is really going on” rn you would understand. I throw myself into art because it’s what I like to do and it is the only thing that saves me in the end. The only thing that is good in all of this dog shit and turmoil. Art is what drives and inspires me. I get too caught up in the the tornado I whip up around me at all times and I turn my back on my art. For shame!
Gabby and I had a great shoot on Saturday. Angie was and is a pro you’ll see as we go I’m sure you’ve cruised my IG account already anyway and seen them. I’m going to swing by Richard Freedman‘s soon and check out the rest he does great work! What my leg looks like in this photo is not up for discussion either. Bodyshaming is outdated asf and you don’t get to be part of this world if you act that way. Negativity trips people up so badly and is used as a force to do exactly that. I don’t respect people who do this and I don’t react very well to FUCKING ASSHOLES fyi. Get people who actually want to listen to you, cos I’m telling you it sure asf is not me.
My shoot on Sunday with Kane and John was a literal breeze. I was frozen asf. I pushed it to the limit this weekend but I sure asf got results so pardon my insanity at the mo. Running your own brand takes a lot out of you. If I actually laid out my mass-daily communications out for you from all the networking, planning, and scheduling that I do, checking in with my inner circle and my own researching and writing plus all the hours I piss away on social media combined with those few moments where I actually get a second for myself and mental clarity wherein I come up with a new good idea and then get the gears in motion to put it to fruition all the while riding my phone and more messages with people that come at the cost of “being popular” and that’s not said in an arrogant way it’s just a bold fact. Trust me. I know not all circles are open to me and that’s totally okay because I am too busy working with new talent, people, artists, those who are positive and inspired and want to work with me. I have woken up and I get it now. We do not work with NO people here.
I have an impatient, frenzied, impatient demeanour about me when I get this way. When I feel like an elastic band stretched too thin. Because I feel in a hurry. The other day I had a revelation about it all and I will tell you about it.
Other than the fact that I am done pleasing other people. I remembered this Lady Gaga interview I saw where she is SO CALM speaking in it. The polar opposite of me. I was struck when I first saw this particular interview (I will try and find it for you guys) by how eerily slow she spoke and I found it almost to be, a put-on, because come on it’s gaga we’re talking about here. I’m going to picture her sitting in that chair in her slow, calculated, fashion next time I am manic running my mouth off a mile a minute and slow down. She was actually fatigued at the point of the interview and was speaking this way to keep her decorum and sustain her energy whereas when I am burnt-out I amp it up and speaking extra-fast. This also seems to coincide with people pushing my buttons on all fronts, which is why I am doing a gradual skimming, phasing out thing. Anyway that’s my relevation and share about it. It’s important to recognize when things are pissing you off and people are driving you crazy and to do something about it. I know that people are determined to destroy me, it is fact. For jealousy, for sport, I don’t know why. It’s repugnant.
I’m happy with the amateur shots I will be totally thrilled by the pro ones. I’ve been dying to work with Angie Feret for ages now. Finally it happened.
The concept for this was girl pile and I wanted us all in matching looks, like triplets. With clompy black hoof-like shoes. Some men on FB were like what about bare feet? What about them? This concept is not up for discussion, it’s not our problem you have a foot fetish. Have artistic suggestions all you want, but, actually no. You’re not the director. End of story. You were not on-set. This was not your idea. This is OUR baby. When you talk to your television does it respond? Computer is acting up have to cut this short ttyl shower time sexcellent.
