sometimes i wonder, am i crazy or am i just eccentric?
depressed people have it bad and you don’t really understand until you are plagued with this super emo feeling that won’t go away on its own it’s like sinking into a couch and you are thinking everybody hates you, it’s so gay.
this has been the worst month and i can’t even think of a reason why. i keep thinking my grandma is going to die on my birthday or leading up to it, everyday it’s she is better then she is worse, better worse better worse ungh.
another way to make a shitty blog post is to bring everyone down.
i wish i had cheese and crackers.
maybe i will eat a whole pizza because anorexics eat pizza.
my sleeping pattern is totally fucked i wish i was asleep right now. i hope i don’t have more episodes. if it weren’t windy i would go longboarding today.
last nite i screamed out IF THE LEAFS DON’T SCORE I WILL FUCKING KILL MYSELF and this fat chick turned around and said THERE’S KIDS THERE giving me stink-eye and my mouth was open in shock like DID SHE JUST CHASTISE ME FOR THE F WORD OR FOR SUICIDE? everyone else was yelling and swearing but i was the only one who got a lecture and you know what it happens to me ALL THE TIME. i guess i am the one who angers people most like in a line-up of people you would want to tell off, i’m the number one choice always.
anyway then the row behind us started trash-talking our row and said i wasn’t even hot and then me and fil started fighting and pitt got retarded and went to scarborough kidnapped by a cabbie and called the cops and they arrested the guy for assault and kidnapping.
GO LEAFS!
also pitt went down a railing in the ACC like superman aka cristian slater. it was pretty amazing.
HOW TO NOT WRITE A SHITTY BLOG POST (questions to consider)
1. have you written about this before?
2. are you writing about a dream? seriously, do you think we want to read about your dream? this is hard not to do, especially when you are desperate for material, it’s like how you are not suppose to talk abuot your ex on the first date but you do it anyway. if you MUST write about your dream, don’t go into detail, three basic facts will suffice.
ex: i dreamt i was eating a donut. then i was paranoid it would never digest in my stomache. it was a yellow donut.
random pointless facts are funny. here is another version of the same dream but with way more boring details.
i was walking to the donut store, walking and walking walking…oh i saw, this…guy, and i knew that i was very hungry….blsakfesgklrebvgkdsv U&TU%R*&f HJBVNMvljgl and then i freaked cos the donut was so, porous…..and KUGAXS;iu sagfvew vfdsf iuewlg a vanilla ice cream cone, strawberry sandwiches, a kitty cat some tea kettles…saeh rwiuf dskjfb and then i thought oh NO this will be in my stomache FOREVER and i was trying to determine what color the donut actually was cos i remembered this one time that colors mean something so i think it was like a beigey creamy color closer to yellow, but.. not quite..yea, maybe come to think of it the donut was yellow. anyway so as i was chewing…..
you see? fucking boring.
3. what is the point of this post? are you referencing a comment someone made to you three months ago but no one read or even cares about?
4. are you writing about your sister’s wedding? WE DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR SISTER IF WE DID WE WOULD BE READING HER FUCKING BLOG!
5. are you writing about a movie that sucks? seriously don’t tell me some movie that clearly sucks is awesome i will come over to your house and set off fireworks in your livingroom until you “get it”
6. are you writing about a musician or music group like it just came to be popular yesterday but everyone else has known about it/them for at least a year? seriously, shut the fuck up. do you think writing about music makes you cool? who are you, me in grade seven?
7. do you write about the clothes you wear like your style is original? oh wait is that a foto of your repro spicoli vans that only retarded jocks wear? oh, it is? NEAT!
8. are you beating a dead horse? are people NOT BUYING your shit or joining some group you invented STILL? guess what? YOU ARE A FUCKING LOSER!
9. are you ripping me off? yes? ok that’s a good blog post then.
10. are you writing about me? also brilliant cos i will link you and at least 500 people will visit your blog today.
this is how you get people to tell you super secret stuff at parties when you meet them for the very first time and then later on you talk to their friends who they’ve known for years and are like joe blow told me this this and this and their friend is all WHAT I HAVE KNOWN JOE FOR TEN YEARS, HE NEVER TOLD ME THAT – YOU MET HIM FIVE MINUTES AGO AND HE TOLD YOU THAT!?!??!
1. get wasted
2. get joe blow wasted
3. divulge a bunch of personal information about yourself that you’ve told to various other people before in the past, bonus points for watery-eyes.
4. eye contact
5. touch their shoulder and smile a lot, nod your head
6. make them feel like they are the only person at the party and they have your undivided attention. ask the right questions, stick to the same subject, it will lead you to the juicy shit.
7. tell them a hilarious gossip bomb about someone you know
8. by now they should be telling you a bunch of secrets
9. memorize everything they say
10. act like it’s no big deal that you know this shit
