supes slowmo version

you can see fil beside me clapping for a model and i’m not. FIL YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE.

here it is on youtube. thanks skooky.

TIME FOR SOME MEMORY LANE!

here i am in my i am an anime character phase, if you are ever curious as to how many times you will get laid with short hair versus long hair, please refer to this photograph. i believe i am 18 years old.

here i am wasted off my face in the uk age 17 going down the stairs on a roll of carpet, we were partying with some jersey boys, go figure. my parents sent me to england to stay out of trouble, sigh, parents. that was the nite i discovered malibu rum and coke equaled delicious.

taking it down a notch, here we have my brother and i partying in my grandparent’s backyard and look how psyched i am i look like a chinese boy.

here i am with rn, i am in grade ten and still loyal to my first boyfriend, but it’s super close to going to shit, he didn’t know that though. i loved those jeans so hard, levi stretch denim, i got em in black too, i wore them so much the inner thighs chafed away to nothing, they were so tight. those dyke shoes were from le chateau.

my grandpa and three amazing haircuts.

i call this one jailbait with bruce springstein look-a-like performer, he was hitting on me hard, dropping hints, i didn’t get it, my mom did though. i dumped my boyfriend a week after this bender weekend with my mom. yep, nice one dina lohan mom. i am three weeks from turning 16. that amazing creation of a shirt is from le chateau, bought it that afternoon and we met that rockstar supernova douchebag whatever his name is there’s a picture somewhere on my blog.

my dad is holding leaf tickets i am kinda miffed cos there wasn’t anything for me and my brother is hogging the smarties, fucker.

that balloon had crepe paper legs and we fought over it like mental cos we had to hold out for presents time, it got violent. the thing around my neck is from this thundercats rip-off stuffed animal i got from santa, some lion thing i wish i remember what it was called. my mom braided my hair the nite before i guess we were too poor for a crimper?

i wanted some tea-set privacy bad so i went to the den and poked myself in the eye then cried for a while and the rest of the family pictures from that day my eye is bloodshot wow the shit i remember.

oh look, more smarties he wants my attention and i am being all passive-aggressive, he is likely thinking of something mean to say about my drawing.

my room in oxford, i went on furniture/art-stealing heists at nite cos my room was huge and empty then it became the party room and everyone wrote on the walls, i have a super long irritating story remind me to tell about my first day in london it will make you want to kill someone.

me and grandma i don’t know what i am showing off you can see part of my brother’s gigantic cranium i try really hard to give him a complex about it.

also from the same bender with my mom weekend, the caption i wrote on the back of this is elevator. proof that everything is infinite + finite. HAHAHAHHAHAHHA.

+++

my amazing debut

there’s a missing clip where i am making an oh brother face it’s a close-up.

no one likes me cos no one is commenting on my blog i sound like my mother but anyway it’s true unless it is one person reading my blog 2000 times a day you are all fucking selfish dicks. bye.

nxne photos i am a lazy ass – lee’s palace, last thursday

chicks on the right i know from gradeschool and highschool, the darkhair just got married and the other is engaged. everyone is either married, engaged, or has kids what is this the eighties? i am not surprised really, not to toot my own horn or anything but, i always felt the cool ones don’t marry until they absolutely must and the other ones can’t figure out anything else to do with their lives. sorry. no wait i meant it’s the love, the love!

anyway the one on the right i was more tight with, i said her name outside and before she even turned around she yelled SHUT UP. i have a very distinct and memorable voice. she’s a nurse and her fiance is a cop. weird!

guess who they were there to see?

blue rodeo. who didn’t go on ’til 3am GIRLS NITE OUT!

i was into that guy on the left he would be sitting on the side stairs smiling and then casually get up with a tambourine or some shakers do his thing then sit down for a bit then get up again and join the band.

see?

just throwin’ that one in there again in case you forgot.

if you want to see a totally unflattering picture of the girls i bumped into click here yes i am a dickhead and i will take it down once found out so enjoy full-on fluke blinking shot.

*you are yet again all ungrateful no one thanked me for that. sigh.

last nite watching cntm was stressful and after it was over i was like i am going to turn off my phone, but i didn’t, and no one called anyway. it’s not like we were ON the runway or anything you see my face several times, i’m glad and not glad that they didn’t include the stupid fat faces i made, maybe that’s why we weren’t in as much, i know i elbowed fil a couple times too. anyway thank fuck it’s over now we wait for youtube to stream it. sigh.

i’m putting these up to stop myself from watching more of last week’s cntm on youtube fil hurry and get home.

i told my whole family to watch me on tv tonite, no too busy, will you tape it? uh? NO. try at least pretending to care first. i just called to remind you to watch for me on tv and you tell me to tape it for you? that’s YOUR job i already did my part not to mention went on television for you to watch! i didn’t tell my mom though i figure she would ask me to tape it so i’m saving myself the annoyance. gonna file it under THE FAMILY DOESN’T CARE. what else is new.

+++

dear world

i have not seen one episode of (in no particular order):

GREY’S ANATOMY

LOST

SOPRANOS

WEEDS

and i don’t plan on it SO STOP AKSING ME!

love raymi

ps. GO FOR A BIKERIDE.

pps. burn.

+++

watch canada’s next top model tonite me and fil are on it.

+++

gone pervy

more on fil’s porno flickr of course. mine too i guess.

Ryan: did you blog anything what’s fundamentally revolutionary today or funny?

me: kinda

30 minutes later

Ryan: ok you were right
i check yr blog like every time i check my email these days
your name’s damn well an ad for it

me: yep

Ryan: i liked that face in the crowd bit i think it’s like part of yr job as an ex to make sure they don’t get over you probably a lame ego thing

me: yes totally, i am not friends with so many guys cos of their new girls its insane

Ryan: in a sense you could take that as a compliment

me: and even some of them like me and tolerate me but i sense the resentment and at some point there is always the talk where they tell me their feelings about me

Ryan: in that it sounds like those guys gave you glowing reviews gives the new bitches something to worry about you know?

me: yeah well mostly i treated them like garbage in the end and their peanut minds blocked that bit from their memory
well my thing is all about MOVING ON
not moving back in like other girls i know

Ryan: yeah goodcall

me: i guess having a blog up there for them to obsess over adds to it

Ryan: helps

me: and even dudes i was never intimate with their new ladies dont feel me

Ryan: sometimes i do miss the “friend” part of an ex-girlfriend but it’s worth it sometimes to watch the bridge burn down

me: generally most girls decide to not dig me, it’s been that way my whole life

Ryan: naw that’s just a girl-thing

me: it’s foreign to people, well dudes, like fil, who everyone likes, not to understand he thinks im just making it up

Ryan: girls seem to like you, i had an ex who did

me: yeah well they either hate me or fiercely dig me
which is refreshing

Ryan: fiercely
me: like protective

Ryan: yes well i wouldn’t feel too slighted probably this new girl saw buddy’s eyes light up at your name and then total-defence-warning-signals go off for them and they just wanna keep that slut away whereas if you weren’t anything to care about in the first place then wouldn’t they be like oh hey i’ve heard so much about you

me: yeah well im brazen i guess
i totally busted his heart like three times so i guess she heard all about it

Ryan: i dunno the individual stories but if you can generalise it’s that people take sides, usually their own sides? with you it’s public cause yr blog but i’m small-town so it’s public too, you’re not one of those chicks who kisses one guy and eyes up another are ya? i know lately sometimes i think this girl i’ve been with is just wanting to broadcast it to like well her ex she was with for like 4 years so anyway it’s a turn-on but what i’m saying is i don’t understand women and their motives

me: i am loyal to my bf i do not fuck around

Ryan: sorry i didn’t mean an accusation i just don’t know you is all i just always suspected that like..if a girl says “i have a boyfriend” X amount of times, eventually it means i DON’T have a boyfriend not necessarily you

me: i never ever say bf

Ryan: yr blog should be evidence enough that you’re spoken for and happy that past lives need not haunt anyone

me: right

little children is spectacular. the narration, the story, the imagery and execution, if i had a dick it would be seeping right now. we have avoided renting cheating movies cos we just end up sitting there glaring at each other and accusing each other with our eyes, but i was at the movie store by myself yesterday without fil breathing down my neck to rent some piece of garbage like deja vu so i got what i wanted and i am so glad i did.

our movie projection jealousy is really something else, it’s endearing and cute and sweet, but i think i have created a monster in fil. i cuckoo’d my jealous onto him over two years ago kinda jokily and i’m i dunno more secure now i guess but he is totally two years ago me, adorable. well more like fat me without the fat. am i making sense?

anyway the movie is pretty heart-breaking, every character is flawed you cannot fully like them, there is a gross jerking-off scene too.

the duality between the cop who gets fired and the town pedophile is great and it is sad because the cop only realises his shortcomings too late.

jennifer connolly’s eyes, eyebrows and hair are just mental i cannot believe she is real.

how gay was i for saying execution?

you will want to strangle the fuck out of the one blond busybody park mother and you will need to find yourself a red bathingsuit like kate winslet’s.

+++

look how HUGE my cannons are!

thanks colin!

hi,

congratulations on being the first stranger to post a comment!

you are the winner of a hack caricature of yourself and cat:

here.

if you dont like it – i can take it down. if you do like it – tough beans its never coming down.

sincerely – the captain of a bottled ship,
colin

ps. nice site!

i love it!
LOVE IT
did i tell you i am riane rong‘s old school exchange chum

me: still at work!?

Phil: leaving in a sec

me: i bought my dinner from the organic lesbian restaurant

Phil: nice
does it taste like fish

me: they are filming another american pie around the corner

Phil: or carpet
or box

me: oh its uh boring

Phil: or rug

me: i got u some spring rolls and soup
someone took a bite of one i forget who
oh the film crew is all out there

Phil: oh they must have slipped

me: they went quiet when i walked by

Phil: ok i will leave now

me: then on way back quiet again and one guy went on his walkie HOT GIRL
and alerted all the other guys down the line

Phil: WHAT

me: so i had to walk by them all with sweaty arms
and one goes hey you want to be in the movie
i said

Phil: are u trying to make me angry

me: if i have to audition no way
i said it really snarky
i think they might have recognized me from last summer
walking by all the time
they are all old and ugly
fil u have a hot girlfriend ok
who is finally starting to feel better anout her appearance
hello

Phil: i know i am joking sheesh

me: ok but yes it is funny

Phil: yes

me: like it is 33 out they are all hot and testy and bored
and i made them feel better

Phil: you should get on the movie
in
whatever

me: yeah right they would make me audition

Phil: well you should at least ask

me: i was going to say yoy guys are making ANOTHER straight to dvd?
i wasnt sure if they were serious

Phil: ok well tell me more when i get home

me: anyway ill walk by again sometime theyre gonna be there awhile
thats everything

Phil: see u
ok bye

me: bye
oh some homeless sketch bag said i look fantastic
no amazing
fabulous?
the point is he was on a blanket in front of the futon store

we made a deal that fil would get me a present if i grew out my nails, and i did successfully for 2 months, no biting, i held up MY end, did he? no. and now three of my little dudes have been ripped out. i am tired of repainting them and in general thinking about them and looking at how dirty they get and the shit that gets stuck beneath them the only good thing about them is how amazing a penis looks being held by them what i didn’t say that this place is rated G. anyway, fucking nails, fucking fil!