i could really go for a negro about now (actually not a fan of black licorice at all and no that does not make me a racist) err so like the only safe black metaphor you could come up with was a mary poppins chimney sweep reference? we get it Czechoslovakia, you are racially ignorant insensitive but like, really? there are other words for black in the english dictionary.
yes exactly RELAX everyone cos more races have been targeted to stereotype not just black people take our little drunk irish friend here check him out, he’s chillin’ all gingered and freckled and in case it wasn’t clear there’s that GREEN shamrock shirt and the pint of beer in his hand and he’s clicking his heels like oh hummm hmmmm who would do that? oh a leprechaun that’s right but whatever the fuck that all has to do with these shitty little candies is beyond me.
LOVE MOM
ps. ladies look, housework is good and fun and makes you happy, proof!
THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT MY FACE LOOKS LIKE WHEN THE VACUUM COMES OUT.
ok so we have our racism and sexism bases covered, what other isms are left? marx? haha right i’ll get on that.
i wonder how many photos there are of me digging through my money purse for drink money probably like infinity.
so the legion eh, the burlington legion, interesting nite that was. have you ever been stared at by a lady, dr. evil style type lady folded arms ‘cross her chest at a legion hall in burlington? well i have. have you been stared at by three others just like her sitting down at their round table glowering at all the fun people infiltrating their precious hall (these rented out parties are necessary to keep their legion afloat cos they can’t afford it otherwise so stop scowling basically, we should be hugging) and then they get their one old man friend (seriously relax guy don’t have a heart attack please) to be the bearer of the no drinks on the dance floor news, honestly? how does one person holding a beer on the other side of the room burn you up so much? i felt like i was glimpsing into my future, gotta lay off the bitterness a tad or my face will look like that some day. i bet they liked it when we did the limbo or when tarley and i danced to peggy sue and during the guitar solo he picked me up in his arms and spun me around in one hundred circles, i bet they liked my underwear.
you can see the dr. evil lady in the background of this video by the pool table, after they were finished dancing she clapped, ok so you were experiencing joy whilst watching this line-dance routine but your body language was all wrong. so sad.
anyway, this other table of ladies were my favourite cos they had SERIOUS hairdos like saturday nite fuckin’ dos and they clapped ALL NITE LONG and line-danced and when things got slutty (me) on the dance floor they were into it. i have more opinions to share once they come back to me. oh yeah the bartender was a dick but i could tell he was just in character cos we broke him a few times. i didn’t wear any of my crazy dresses just my regular little AA number and i’m glad cos it got pretty sweaty.
oh and i helped on the mic during the raffle so it made me think that maybe i do have the balls to one day do stand-up and it’s not just the delusional talking here, i’m kind of a natural when it comes to addressing large groups of people i just let the neurotic take over sometimes and forget that.
the hired “dj” “performer” was 4 feet tall and barely knew any songs, had no lyric sheet and he was dressed like a pirate/magician i wonder how much he gets paid (dad call the legion!). the table of ladies i liked were his buddies. the manager/owner of the hall got right ripped and was awesome, you know old guy sleaze party down awesome. i’m pretty sure we made his nite.
pictures of this gong show to come speaking of there’s a huge navy bell at the door and if any drunk rings it you’re supposed to buy everyone drinks. i banged it twice to piss everyone off, the second time being on our way out then i ran off screaming BYE GUYS! and could hear everyone groaning and being scared by the crotchety biddies as i exploded out the doors safe into the nite. DON’T HAVE A BELL BY THE DOOR HELLO THINK PEOPLE!
hey y’all didn’t know we was to be spendin’ the nite in them there sticks so sorry haven’t said a good ole hello yet today, so, hello. time for hangover chinese, lost and shandy apricot ales mmmm. kiss kiss hug hug your pal raymi. o_0
i just realised that whatever scar tissue red hot chili peppers video totally ripped this off albeit more of a pantywaisted version thereof and if you know me you are aware of my disdain for all things red and hot and chili and peppers. i think i prefer the censored version of this video where at the end she just disappears into nothing all emo-like in lieu of the ridiculous flopping over the van and hitting the pavement. grand turismo was the soundtrack to my seventeen year old bad girl days as was abba gold.
this is the little lamb thing i ripped off yesterday except it (mine) looks way more stupid look at that guy i just want to punch the arrogant fancy free right out of his dickhead face. i am so mad at myself for trying to recreate that little asshole on canvas actually it’s kinda hilarious to me looking up at it on the wall right now hahahahhaa. yeah i so can’t wait to paint it thanks winter for zapping all my braincells and overall desire to achieve.
ps. do you guys think i’m gay for putting JLo’s (glow after dark) sparkle lotion on my tattoo? blink once for yes. this guy at a pretentious art gallery in the distillery after complimenting my necklace (“it looks so antique!”) was like wow AND there are SPARKLES in your tattoo!? no, i just PUT sparkle lotion on it thanks bye.
i’m like, one thousand per cent sure fil’s mom santa bought it for 99 cents at liquidation world so don’t judge me ha right for all the things to judge me on DON’T go there. i’ll keep you posted if anyone notices today.
check out what this oh so enlightened pioneer had to say about my blog. did i go to art school? way to do all of two seconds worth of research before opening your stupid fucking mouth you ignorant child.
remedyvisual
Oh god, I met a billion clones of this girl and her friends in school. (Yes, it was a big school. Art school is a ponzi scheme for separating bored rich kids from their trust funds and credulous poor kids from their student loans. I can’t wait to get in on the scam!)
Also they are all over Toronto shopping at the same handful of stores and talking nonstop about cheap clothes and their psychiatric meds and doing deliberately childish looking art so they can’t fail.
I think there is an industrial farm someplace growing these kids in pods or possibly hatching them nonstop from eggs laid by some sort of grotesquely overgrown Queen Scenester in an underground lair. I wonder how much it would cost to hire Sigourney Weaver to shave her head and grab a flamethrower and thin the herd out a bit?
nice hair, douche.
holy write-off day much i didn’t accomplish one solid thing i set out to do today other than take a s*** and draw a crappy picture of a lamb ok there i just had some yogurt. i’ve also been emailing an old friend photos of school peers from facebook and we’ve been in our humble opinioning each one appropriately so that’s taken a little out of me. tough work man looking at all those tired faces fucking exhausted me.
we are going to a stag and doe tomorrow at a legion hall in the burbs, i am trying to figure out what outfit would be the most annoying and just how uncomfortable i can make everybody around me if i am dressed like a sofa, or a pour some crazy on me wedding dress-looking thing obviously i have dresses on the noggin’ sorry. (not)
don’t you agree the bride-to-be would super appreciate this outfit at her party?
AHHAHAHA
fil went for a long lunch with an old friend of his i bet he’s buzzed right now.
ok what else right so like, seriously, what should i wear tomorrow? prairie dress or barbie dress?
DOUCHE AWARD GOES TO THAT GUY! he was boppin’ away to some super ungood beats it made my heart sad.
as did the following…
there are SO many snowed-in bikes in the city um, why, how smart are you guys did you lock it up and then go to a never-ending sleep over or something?
these made our hearts VERY glad.
shut up brad just go into your little mural la la land and fuck off this was funny supreme at the time, anything rules in comparison to a crappy party, brad said lets chalk it up to a “new experience” and left it at that.
holy static this number will have to be commando for sure. maybe i should turn it into some kind of jumper pants thing that i would never end up wearing. would look good with high messy side-pony and a bunch of ‘tude.
winter enthusiasm time to paint something.
dear raymi
your hair is lookin so good. question: do you have a weave? like how is it so thick and long??
hi from berlinnnnnnnn überxtine
hhaa no my hair is real dude i could not afford that would not do that to my head ive been growing it for ages
eatin’ some humble pie right now cos guess what guys I LIKE LOST yeah finally ten years behind the times much after ass loads (not really) of shit talk about this stupid phenom matt gives us season one dvds watched three episodes last nite straight through don’t think i blinked once. great. anyway, don’t talk to me about ANYTHING please i have muchos catching up to do.
kinda reminds of being on the flight to england and this chick in the program (from perth) was listening to a cassette of dance mix ’94 (it was the year 2000 at the time) and i’m all haha you’re funny what the hell are you doing? she says it takes things awhile to make their way to perth.
so now i’m that girl.
aaaand watched phil the alien last nite too holy hysterical much? i thought it was made in the 90s nope, 2005 so canadian eh haha.
i really wanted to wear one of my big stupid dresses for superbowl sunday i even partially curled my hair for it too but steph was goin’ for more of a babysitter vibe, so fine tickle trunk outfit it is.
this was during the fil fashion show i am still sour about anyway lets carry on.
steph does not live d/t and normally we drive to her place which blows for fil cos everyone gets laced and he just rides a minimal buzz so we took the subway then got on the wrong bus and had to double-back walk for ten minutes. THAT was fun. but in immediate hindsight a most welcome tramp as we were in for some serious chili dip and t-baycon burgs, beers and lots of chips.
DOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooood.
i am probably making fun of her outfit here.
i think i ate the most out of everyone AND i skimmed the top for the good stuff.
5 stars next time use light cream cheese please.
hey what’s your sign?
oh is that your wang?
i win this round chili dip don’t play with me.
i brought my little slippers and was on edge apparently cos i ripped off the little diamond ruby button thing that keeps the mary jane look together so babysitter steph sewed it back on for me. thanks!
look how hot my baby toe is, that’s from years of dance.
success.
i am still recovering from all this.
zzzzzz. i channel changed a lot and tried to watch funniest videos and fil got mad he said it takes away from his sense of it being an “event” i know haha that’s probably when i sneaked off to the kitchen and helped myself to a little swig of absinthe, smart move right after demolishing a burger right? WRONG.
yep still whimsical.
someone had their funny hat on.
r/r didn’t even know he was drinking my apricot beer took him like halfway to notice it wasn’t an OV haha ps. thanks for the OVs haven’t had them guys since oakvegas when it was on tap at the pub.
jesus. bacon and BEER ham. i ate the beer ham first then fork and knifed the rest on a half bun and was finished before their asses could hit the couch.
probably steph’s?
the burger won that round see how attractive i look.
family picture time is now outright DEMANDED which is fine of course but next time i am not doing the self-timer, not fair.
WINNERS.
ryan what the hell are you talking about STOP TALKING.
alright alright alright last one.
lets kick this party up a few, dewds.
yeah these are definitely after that personal green fairy treat.
where should i actually wear this thing out next, valentine’s day? nothing says romance like killing your retinas and making you think you hear wolves howling off in the distance of a fancy restaurant.
unnnnnnnng feel so fat.
meanwhile in fun town fil pulls a no-no (purposely)(hopefully).
yeah hi sorry there cool story.
maybe i’ll wear it with short shorts and nothing underneath.
GUYS WHO WANTS TO GO SHROOMING??? if you love me you will never ever say shrooming, thank you.
from my post secret rip post
haha that sounds terrifying and funny but please don’t say shroomed again, you remind me of this skid i used to work with at the hardware store who invited me to shroom with her and her friends DURING WINTER AT NITE IN A PARK and she was younger than me and thought she was all street. sorry i’d much prefer getting cozily drunk inside a warm bar with my fake id instead. she’s the type of genius who thinks 9/11 was an inside job cos her stoner friends say it. in summation, I GOT HIGH ON MUSHROOMS AT DISNEYLAND AND GOOFY PROBABLY KNEW.
ok back to more important things…
i just want peace in the middle east, you know? that’s all, it’s not much to ask.
what we have here is me placing an imaginary phone call to someone who enjoys marijuana to let them know that i have it.
woah things are getting pretty intense.
then everyone (save for one) is sold on my green fairy fun zone and decides to join.
diva moment. a little sentimental over the bottle ending, it’s ok just chuck some flowers in it.
i kept thinking he was wearing a late show with david letterman hoodie, that would have been way cooler.
paul newman played with those. (no we haven’t watched it yet)
big flippin’ deal.
wuh-oh fred penner turned up to ruin the card game.
you actually see steph has had enough (brews)(not of ME no way).
hey seriously now? come on guys get it together.
this concludes super bowl sunday four days later thanks for watching friends.
