OBNOXIOUS WATER! if some asshole came to my picnic and revealed this little treasure oh man, get the FUCK off my blanket immediately. i mean obvs i will have a buzz on at any picnic duh (so it’s opinions time) but seriously THANK GOD FOR THIS TINY FUCKING GLASS THAT CAME WITH THIS TEENY LITTLE BOTTLE I MEAN, I JUST WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITHOUT IT HOW DO I DRINK THIS UGH WILL IT STILL POUR? SO PEDESTRIAN. oh and of course a woman at this high-end market was like have you ever been here before? me no funnily enough i haven’t. i’ve gone passed it the past 26 years of my life but never actually been inside but relax lady stop dying all over yourself about it this isn’t the cheese boutique, jesus.
thank god for these tiny little apples too and their tiny little individually cellophane bagged bags, sigh, such dreamy little life savers. (in case you can’t tell anymore i am being disgustingly sarcastic right now. these apples make me want to puke diarrhea)(oh my god it’s bed time).
Markus why don’t you apply this fire and brimstone to your precious Catholic Church?…your priests and bishops certainly know a thing or two about blowjobs and pilfering cash.
wuh-oooooah gnarly burn dude!
oh i just remembered i dreamt (nightmare!) that i had a $450 phone bill. i’m going to check my bill summary online right now to see if my dream was true. this post was going to be longer. internet has been spotty here at my dad’s. watched some planet terror with my brother earlier, holy sickitating.
update: it’s $122. not great but not $450 either so, good.
yeah i guess i should update this thing. look at my hair. LOOK AT IT. ugh zzz. no energy today cos i got blasted with mom last nite. i don’t think i paid for one drink. city girls you really really need to branch that shit out sometimes. city boys never pay for shit. no gentlemanly nothing to ‘em (if you so happen to bump into one at a bar, not saying they’re all like this). it’s cos they see city girls as plentiful, if that one can’t stand my scroogeness there’s five more lined up down the bar who’d probably die to buy me a drink. in the suburbs there’s more men than women to go around, or at bars anyway. also you are hotter than everyone else too because you know how to put outfits together so you pretty much have the pick of the pack. i walked passed a group of dudes on my way back from the bathroom, one guy was like blah blah blah well and then i…JESUS! good feeling. sorry i am in an arrogant phase right now. crazy single girl syndrome i suppose.
i also cannot get the vision of all my possessions stacked in garbage bags out of my mind every single second of the day it really bothers me. monday can’t come soon enough. on sunday the boss is taking us all paintballing that’ll be a good stress reliever. i was going to say i don’t think i’ve ever shot something before but that’s not true i shot bb’s though i doubt the rush is anywhere close to amazing as the one you’d get from shooting someone with paint pellets or whatever they come in.
ugh so scattered.
i feel like everything i post is TMI forever anyway. i don’t even know what normal is anymore. i feel so disconnected from myself, i don’t know how to describe it. i’ll chalk it up to stress and feeling like i am constantly running. i can’t be still. SEE more TMI! omg just shut up.
go to this tonite. fil will be there. we’re cool now.
so, sass‘ roommate gunther and i have been getting on like houses on fire cos he’s a lazy bored pothead like me (has his own company in jamaica, a skydiving company at that). we’ve been having loads of stupid pointless funny stoner conversations too ahhhh flashback. shit like bacterium being a universe unto itself never questioning why, why life, why are we here? there is no reason basically, this is it. we’re a fluke of nature. then there’s people who do question it but are too lazy to bother offering one goddamn guess at the big question they endlessly pose. go on, one guess, just one, since you care so much! then gunther’s gf turns and says HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU’RE BOTH NOT BACTERIUM EXISTING IN YOUR OWN UNIVERSE RIGHT NOW.
woah, faith, don’t take advantage of us cos you’re the straight one here. not fair.
anyway, i’ve been one-hitting it all week not really getting high but noticing everyone around me so is and i was worried that i had crossed the weed line into chronic town, but then gunthy rolls a spliff one toke and four hours later where did the day go? so i think i have to break up with the one-hitter and just suck on a joint from now on.
i wrote down two important topics on the dry-erase board that i wanted to discuss with you guys.
1. corn nuts
2. aggressive teeth brushing
i guess i’ll begin with how sometimes i’ll come out of my teeth hygienic reverie and realise i am brushing my teeth like i am trying to murder someone. like i am trying to kill somebody. that’s as far as that joke got. i often come up with tidbits i find could be usable in stand-up, but they don’t really go anywhere and i figure i have terrible stage fright so it won’t ever happen. maybe if i was blackout drunk.
now the thing about corn nuts is you cannot enjoy eating them yet they are SO enjoyable to eat. they’re so fucking loud though. you have to go down to a room in a basement with no windows, turn out the light and maw on them in privacy but that can never be the case, not possible, cos there are always people around when you want to eat corn nuts, and usually the corn nuts belong to them so you can’t very well take the bag and run. that’s rude. even if the corn nuts belonged to you, you can’t do that either because exiting a moving vehicle is dangerous so you have to suffer eating each corn nut one by one and one corn nut just simply isn’t enough. nowhere near it. you need at least 3 or 4 to get your satisfy on. but again, so loud. i tried eating sneaked in corn nuts in a movie theatre when we went to see youth in revolt. nice try. can’t even hear the movie over the sound of my own crunching plus the entire dialogue to that film is spoken in whisper so that you know it’s hipster-friendly. yes this is the right one because everything is in pastel. anyway, my ex fucked me up on this loud crunching thing, he has mad chewing issues and because of that i too have them. thanks!
if you were to find yourself happily alone finally with your bag of corn nuts you would instantly find yourself unhappy at the realization that you are alone, stuffing corn nuts into your mouth at lightning speed. alone. for some reason eating alone is the saddest thing in the world to me. i find many things sad but for the moment this is the saddest of them all.
ok i have to fucking go now what the hell am i doing.
it will be nice when i am able to make coherent thoughts happen again or regain the ability to have fully-open eyes like the rest of humanity. if i lack sleep that’s when shit gets crazy.
i have a post in the bucket that i want to share but i fear it might be the apex of too much information, which normally wouldn’t stop me but i already feel under the microscope enough as is presently, trainwreckage-like so maybe i ought to hold off for a little while.
guess the chick who tossed her craft magazine finally got a boyfriend hey?
went to the in crowd party with sass and the ten million people she knows. i felt extremely extremely awkward. i have never been with a guy who dances, or goes dancing so i’ve been out of the loop. i know, why did i suffer so? maybe if i dressed less like a simpleton and more like an adorable slut pilgrim (oh wait i do do that, just not that nite) i’d be more on my game.
don’t even think of sweating in that thing.
bottle service vortex!
and then i sweated.
good nite dancing. i love dancing. incidentally, i am an amazing dancer. it’s good to be back.
