first we need a date. got one. co-ordinate outfits. check. matching my little pony extensions. no prob. legs for days. covered.

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hahahahaha.

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off they go into the nite.

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i learned last nite i’m gonna have to stop gorging and actually start tasting otherwise i am NEVER going to get a boyfriend. she died of a heart attack, childless, manless and faaaat. tres sad.

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i love this time of day between night and day i know it’s called dusk i was just trying to be poetic, jesus.

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britt, it is way too late to be wearing shades and driving. she took ‘em off after this. always commit to the cool even if it kills you. not me thought i am too important to die just yet.

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cafe du lac is at cheese boutique RIGHT NOW until four so if you wanna fight your way thru saturday foodie shoppers and sample their stuff i implore you to do it. i was so full from this dinner i didn’t even give’r last nite it was that satisfying.

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cafe du lac is (was?) a famous cafe in quebec so there you go french fucks stationed in onterrible, go there and be irritating. my hate on for french people comes from working at the central (french club friday nights, they don’t tip, they’re fucking rude and self-entitled and at the end of the night they want to split their bills and demand to run tabs throughout the night, sometimes paying for singular drinks with visa/debit ugh…) and don’t you worry they have their own special little post coming up, french people, not central, and i’m allowed to talk shit cos my mom was born in montreal.

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blurry. the other diners were beyond intrigued by what was going on over at our table. who IS she??? oh film festival? kathryn (the owner) just fucked with ‘em a little bit. mystery sells. as do long legs and blonde hair and big cameras.

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very cozy place and friday is band night. that guy sounded like huey lewis.

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you can spy on the kitchen a little too. huge respect for restaurants coming up with major food working out of a smaller space.

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this is the shortest dress i own. i can’t even sit down in public spaces in it it’s all ass.

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very good wine list.

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trying to recall what i might have been thinking at the time of this photo. starving actually probably just tunnel vision for food. britt was totally ravenous.

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and a total babe too. she looked at this and went, “fat” oh really? i would kill for your figure you little bitch.

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i look like blonde joey ramone.

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i felt really awkward. i love having my photo taken but not in front of normal people sitting down right beside you cos we already made enough of a scene in just showing up then the cameras roll out and ugh, i just have to learn to shrug it off and ignore ignore ignore instead of getting aggressively defensive and snapping I AM WORKING which would be totally rude. people are allowed to look and allowed to be curious i know but sometimes there is always one who decides to make a thing of it. i will come back to this at another point.

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i have so many photos of me “doing something” out there cos i feel like the wacky diffuses some of the tension in the room like they already think whatever they’re seeing is part insane so it doesn’t really matter how much more i push it.

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truffle butter from cheese boutique we inhaled it. truffle anything will make you do that which is kind of dangerous if you think about it. truffle gasoline!

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oh my god so it begins.

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calf tongue. a first for me. everything was explained to us by chef bernadette and i tried really hard to pay attenion but i’m sorry, it is really hard to remember all that but let me try again. the calf tongue was marinated for a long time. the beans were super spicy wrapped in prcosciutto and an amazing stinky blue cheese blobbed on the bottom to blend it all together. there good enough? if i didn’t know that was calf tongue i’d have thought it was some kind of normal meat.

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salmon tartar on the left, in the middle is foie gras (soooo rich)(so cruel!)(so delicious!) top right is elk and top left is thick prosciutto basted in blueberries. i hogged as much of this plate as i could, stupidly so, had no idea another taste appetizer plate AND three more main courses were coming out afterward PLUS dessert. VIP is the place to be.

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that would be my i am listening face.

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listening and alright already face.

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love the presentation. i want to stack food like this. they have this thing on the menu that comes in a huge upside down jar that you take off only when it reaches your table, it’s duck violated by foie gras. total artists those guys are. just check out the menu it’s ridiculous.

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i got up before pigging out to pose for this awkward photo. at the end of it all bernadette changed into her night outfit and we were all a-gog at how babely she is.

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elk. i owned it. i think i have to get my cholesterol checked soon.

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britt got the raw end of this deal.

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crab legs, ate the entire thing shell and all so i guess it’s soft shell, beet salad aaaand creamy deep fried parmesan and gruyere squares. basically high-end cheese sticks. when i had one of those my eyes rolled back in my head. britt got a picture but i deleted it cos i look disgusting.

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sooo pretty. guys if you fuck up you should take your girl to cafe du lac to get out of the doghouse i saw a couple making out in the back that almost made me barf the kiss was so passionate, i think they were french. hahaha.

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potato things i thought were onions. you throw these a-top anything you want though we just ate them with our fingers. all table manners went straight out the window by this point.

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have you ever had the chef come out and explain your food to you? that doesn’t happen. what i’m saying here is yes, i am royalty. actually the owner kathryn (who tweets and is awesome) when i sat down was like oh YOU are raymi wow you’re cute. i think she was expecting a huge fucking ugly nerd not glamourazzi paparazzi.

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halibut on mashed i forget but i told my no carbs to eat it so i could scrape it all off the plate. i remember hearing that those skinny green things are sea asparagus. super salty. so yum.

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oh wait here’s the photo of me eating the cheese. orgasm.

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bernadette was kinda calling bullshit on my being overly agreeable to everything we were eating so i tried the halibut right on the spot to show her live what my thoughts were. i was like it’s not dry at all, moist, delicious tasty. this was my favourite main actually and they tried to take it away multiple times and i snapped at kathryn with a knife in my hand ahahaha sorry. i think she liked it.

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they’re letting me come back for another round so if one of you a-holes plays your cards right you can be my date.

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parsnips!? must be. are they less starchy than potatoes? if so i’m copying them for thanksgiving well i’ll just make a fucking mountain.

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i think this is venison. those orange things are mushrooms that aren’t even in season yet so i guess bernadette yelled at them and made them grow to term? how does that even work? there’s so much i don’t know about food.

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i was an extremely picky finicky eater as a kid i drove my mother insane and there is no chance in hell i’d touch this if you put it down in front of me but now i am such a snot it’s pretty ironic, my mom wouldn’t eat half the cuisine i spoil myself on. one of these days i’ll make her though.

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one of those weird mushrooms. very good. i hate portobello mushrooms. i think that’s my only food hatred come to think of it. they always get soaked in balsamic and the combo just grosses me out and the fact that they’re portobello ooh so fancy am i supposed to blow you now cos you’re not the simple basic kind of mushroom? i’ve always been a bit weird about mushrooms actually. they’re alien-looking, some can kill you, some taste super bizarre. i guess they’re the fish of vegetables and are they even vegetables? confusing much? another thing is people get offended if you don’t like portobello mushrooms. it’s happened. i don’t want to take this post in that direction though cos we ate foie gras and calf tongue so….

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what the hell is venison? i just wikipedia’d it it’s deer. great! i’m just eating the entire fucking forest now.

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oh my god there’s more you’re killing me here (loving it) but yeah at this point we were blobs. that’s rostii on the left (YUM) and duck stuffed foie gras.

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and that’s single forever dead center.

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the one on the right, better by far than haagan dazs, bernadette was quit proud of it. britt said it tasted like rich easter chocolate. it was both and we fought over it. the middle is the maple syrup tart (i think??) whatever it is it’s the cafe du lac signature dessert, very nice, yeah it must be the maple syrup tart cos my brain is recalling the hint of maple flavour. on the left is earl grey creme brulee so you go from right to left sweeter to less sweet and then you’re done and you go into a food coma.

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i am an eating warrior. once this post is done i am totally going to slaughter myself at the gym.

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cute sous chef remy.

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bernadette gets ready for the night.

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dragged kathryn into the vamp shot.

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remy came out to see what the fucking big deal was. hi what’s your name? raymi. oh i’m remy. remy and raymi.

it’s 9/11 anniversary hopefully i don’t actually have my annual massive anxiety attack. here‘s my blog post from september 23 2001 of the photos from 9/11, there’s more we have but yeah, scanning is such a chore. i blogged hella infrequently back then. i know september 11 is just a date and i shouldn’t let it affect me but i just can’t control it. part of my brain is permanently damaged from this event.

lucas and i were just trying to figure out if it’s affect or effect. then he said oprah had a grammatical error on her twitter today, she typed than instead of then. BURN. we have grammar fights in this household all the time. melodie is fascinated by how strongly i feel about the proper usage of language, spelling, speaking. so when i fuck up they all laugh at me and use the word i said wrong against me. dicks.

you’d think a blogger would lead a post with the most enticing photo of the lot. newp. not i nor here. lets check out how tired i looked yesterday and how much i don’t have eyebrows anymore.

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that was my punky brewster gym outfit. i had planned to blow hundreds on a new ensemble at lululemon then i couldn’t be bothered. one day soon though.

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here’s a shot of me from eyeweekly doing enter sandman. i was like one of two people who got to sing karaoke before the system went retarded. set the bar high check my sweat stain. i’m uploading the video now it’s super huge so it’ll take awhile.

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costume change one. i was gonna do the dress all the girls want but then i thought it would be too oh my god look she’s wearing THE DRESS. maybe i’ll wear it tonite instead. rushed to grab two nice bottles of wine for dinner with family skid rat. i dunno why but i’m posing more and more like my dad in the face in pictures these days. they call me little duncan.

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we are staining some shirts with elderberries. melodie is a witch. for real. not a hippie, just a witch. we hate hippies. melodie is always making potions and weird things i walk on by the kitchen on my own journey and she’s like here taste this, puts whatever the fuck in my mouth and off i go on my quest jacked on weird shrubs from a forest garden in the middle of nowhere.

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i was on the fence about dolling the crap out of myself last nite or just goin’ skid. skid won out. i feel like maybe if i make more of an effort it’ll do me a bit more of a solid in the “making it” world you know, look the part, be the part, make something of your life. nahhh.

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and then there was this. co-ordinated shithead uniforms.

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we were blasting metal and fighting. getting pumped. punk practice.

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i think i can take melodie in a fight. she’s pretty strong but i pump iron. i had her in a nice little headlock, she was sort of resisting it. lucas went to grab the camera but the battery was charging. i don’t think i am ever going to grow up.

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my legs are so baywatch. we wore matching wool socks and her vest was orange, my sleeves were orange. combined we make sense. apart, who is that fucking rainbow?

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we need to film a movie in our house. i tried to throw a balled up tshirt (out of sheer laziness) into my room once from down the hallway. impossible cos the hall snakes and slants like a labyrinth.

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the expensive wine justifies the trash. i have a pic of the other bottle don’t even ask me what it’s called though it was lovely, a pinot grigio. i try to go as dry as possible despite chardonnay tasting better and sweeter. the less sugar i ingest the better i’ll feel the next morning. ahh ok found a photo i took of the other wine bottle.

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i am a legit wine snob now too. this shit is not cheap.

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i gave lucas a complex about his shoes. are you wearing those shoes? yes why? are you from the forest? they actually go with our outfits. he changed them in the end. melodie and i can be pieces of shit to lucas we made him go get us a chocolate bar. i said specifically no choc orange or choc mint. he brings back choc mint. ate some anyway out of spite but yeah, get it right next time.

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garbage pail meets cabbage patch skid raymbo bipolar bright.

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this is what someone screaming FUCK YOUUUUUU looks like.

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here too.

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here i am forming the word FFFFfffffff-uck.

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then i am walking away to go slam dance with a chair.

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then i changed cos i felt like i might want to boyfriend hunt and i don’t think boyfriends want girlfriends what look like truck drivers. please excuse the house mess we are in-transition from being cold and being hot as hell house.

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yup this is the one. unfortunately my crazy needing to change made melodie have to follow suit meanwhile lucas is like come on assholes. he was waiting downstairs and we forgot about him he comes up all huffy i’m all would you prefer to live alone and have NOBODY to wait for? melodie at the same time is all you don’t understand the mind of a woman. hahahaha.

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yeah yeah yeah.

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perfs.

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then lucas tried to convince her to not wear my white leather and i told him to get fucked. whenever she looks super hot he makes her dress dumpier. fat chance guy stop cock blocking us.

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charlene the mean babysitter. pay up.

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sometimes photos just need to be blurry.

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fiiiinally made it out of the house. that party went til 4am so we didn’t want to hurry on over.

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it’s ok guys i’m here now let the good times roll.

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we definitely got the dance party started. everyone was standing around bored and awkwardly not sure how to make fun happen then we full throttled and showed ‘em how to do’er. i think i punched melodie in the nose or in the eye. both probably.

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we literally made that party happen. well lucas did. cindy and reg worked on (made?) fubar 2 with dave (terry) and they live below us and we all practically live at wrongbar (know those guys well) so two and two is four there’s your film fest party you’re welcome very much.

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i don’t even know if terry is single. i was too gonged to try and sniff it out and i didn’t want to be an asshole and force myself on someone just so i could say i made out with terry cos i actually respect the bro. he’s a filmmaker eh, smart guy, talented.

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deeeeeeaner!

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this is about the time i slipped away. some people were talking about a royal york after after party getting more booze ugh no thanks i can barely keep my eyes open anymore. i love when “somebodies” try and play “somebody” with you and they have no idea who you are like dangling a bottle of vodka and a hotel room is supposed to inspire or motivate you to jump through a hoop for them or something like guy do you even know how much i can already make my own shit happen at the snap of a finger? cute whatever i know it’s always good to throw a blonde groupie-looking type into the mix but i really needed to peace out so that i did. thanks gill and nav and everybody that party killed. more footage to come i need to shower and prepare for fancy dinner review tonite, i am taking britt out which reminds me i should eye up the menu beforehand. here’s some pics from the ratatat show david took. just when you’re recovering from one bender ten more wash up on the shore.

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i love the sound academy. i don’t care how far away it is doesn’t matter they hook me up like retarded walk me through the entire joint like gold get me blackout wasted plunk me in the vip section with all my bros i don’t have to be near any other humans i can dance like a maniac all i want it is such a fun time. next thing we’re going to there is MIA. last nite ratatat were amazing. went in with zero expectations came out completely cured of any and all emo. techno electronica whatever that genre is has a way of making it impossible to think about anything else other than dancing and lights and madness it was exactly what i needed and i am so glad i didn’t bail i woulda just been sitting on my ass at home bitter and hungover. i had the best nap it off today. i haven’t slept in so hard in a long time. def needed it. i am going to bike to lululemon and buy the best work out ensemble ever to congratulate myself on being awesome then i am going to sweat all over a treadmill and then i am going to join the family tonite at wrongbar for the fubar 2 party i can’t wait to see terry and deaner in character.

i loved it when some blonde groupies were walked up to the exec bar where we were (vip was closed so it was vip stand-in section which i have always wanted to hang in) it was so wayne’s world. best best best.

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good afternoon.

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try sitting in this outfit. holy hell. so tight couldn’t wear underwear.

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carens in yorkville. dig that shit. def going back on an eating tour. dunno why never went before used to live within spitting distance of it.

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quickie wine slosh pre-movie. such a depressing flick, love during wartime? glad we didn’t pay, no one at cumberland is ever at the podium when i go there and i always say fuck that next time not paying but then i always pay and still, no one to greet you. last nite got my wish. i do not regret it at all. in the back of my head for two seconds there was a fleeting vision of a security dude tapping me on the shoulder but it was just other theatre-goers sitting down beside us down the row. have you ever taken the go train and not paid? not worth the anxiety at all worst fear ever sitting there thinking they’re coming for you every time someone walks onto your car or changes cars, moves in your peripheral vision. i used to commute all the time from ‘sauga when i interned at a mag in high school spent so much money on commuting like, a fuck ton a month, it was depressing, but anyway only once or twice i took the train without paying cos i was so pissed about all the money i was spending working my ass to the bone on weekends and monday to afford commuting (monday being the one day of the week we had class) fuck man i was so overworked and stressed and all these kids chose placements in shitty suburban locations and were getting paid and they didn’t have to commute. i was bitter but i purposely chose a placement in the city so i could fuck around and maximize my life. i was a maniac. the point of this is i was too chicken shit to not pay for a ticket there and back, day in day out, i am an honest person, i don’t steal or lie, i’m a law-abiding idiot you’re welcome. well i guess smoking weed is illegal. is it?

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THIS IS ME BREAKING THE LAW!!!

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so i’m a little emo at the moment. new orleans trip is postponed, friend is ill. i’m also overwhelmed because now i see all this expanse of time on my hands in this city that i didn’t have before but now i have it and i booked so much shit to do today that now i don’t have to do because there is no rush to get it done before i leave. so i have an extra day to practice lines. i canceled/rescheduled my mani/pedi appointment because i was too ambitious in thinking i could get my shit together enough for noon today. i like how the nite before you tell everyone you have something going on the following day and to tell them to tell you to go the fuck home and then it’s like 2 in the morning and you’re kidnapped by them. thanks enablers! yeah right so i kinda wanna put a bullet in my head right now haha. clem says at least 400 times every time i see him that he is in a dark place. i guess i am too. sometimes i’m able to chase it away but holy shit what a change 24 hours can make of a person’s spirit.

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well at least my hair is magnificent again and my eyebrows are like fuckin’ albino oh god i just looked in the mirror. britt is here laughing at my out loud blog type narration from the other couch.

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she picked me up from trish’s today so i got to walk around with her in last nite’s clothing while she did her errands she’s having suicidal crampfest. at least i was dressed for a date so i was able to look semi-good. i was going to write a guide to being a princess dirtbag for that fucking mtv magazine but they decided i was too edgy or some shit so it never got writ but basically that is one of my tried true tested dbag tips of looking put together.

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britt said the barista at starbuck’s double-taked me. i like that britt notices that shit cos obviously i’m equally as narcissistic as her probably more no wait who cares but anyway she always tells me when we go out if someone is looking at me. i think she thinks i’m more famous than i am or i am actually that famous? cos i do notice i get eye-hogged plenty but i’m not sure if it’s because people think i look like i should or could be famous cos i dress slightly eccentric and i feel like i have this noticeable energy that just makes people glance at me OR they DO recognize me. i don’t know. i only half pay attention to it but when i’m with britt or someone else it gets pointed out so the thought i sort of thought i had about it becomes reinforced. makes you feel kind of crazy i guess being semi-famous in a city where no one is allowed to acknowledge you cos that’s how toronto is.

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i just ran out of steam. i think i need a nap. should nap. but i won’t. i’ll lie in the tub after i eat something.

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the gym is so not happening today.

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i’ll be in town i guess for film fest stuff if it’s worth it enough to party by so invite me to something otherwise i’m going away.

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i want my own cooking show. it is my destiny. i forgot how much i enjoy that shit and how good i am at it. it is a skill. some people just have zero clue when it comes to seasoning, blending flavours, making something delicious out of nothing. i need my own cooking show with a butcher block table, endless red wine while i prep and a mic. there are so many things in life i want to do i just mention it and move on, nothing really needs to pan out for me, thinking about it and talking about it is good enough sometimes. close enough. like a contact high. we all sat around and listened to my vision for ten minutes now lets talk about the next stupid idea i have.

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sometimes i feel too thinly stretched out and it’s completely of my own doing for sure. i have my fingers in many pies because i am greedy and have an overwhelming urge to dominate it all and not leave anything out when really a smart person would come along, skim out the unnecessary excess, apply full focus on one project and make it shine whereas my deal is all AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THENNNN! i dunno how this turned all side-tangent but the moral of this photo’s caption is i was having a panic attack and hiding it so then i made rose’mimosas and it went away. you have to drown it in a bit of booze to take the edge off. so i’m smiling cos i’m happy the terror subsided. too much caffeine too much hangover too much stress. i am pretty good at mastering anxiety these days. i am more in tune with quashing the attack. even though my heart is fluttering i am able to identify that it’s from a jolt of caffeine and weed not from the world caving in on me. while watching dirty rotten scoundrels it came on and i told myself it’s JUST an attack, not a big deal, it will go away, get over it, try to laugh at it, be amused. if you can break it down like that you’re on easy street. anyway, the re-emergence of anxiety in my life is a sign that i am givin’er way too hard so i had better lighten up.

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i know right. where to begin with the compliments, no idea. first the tan and the casual sophisticated demeanor and the setting itself ahhhhhhh. this is what quitting looks like. easy breezy fuck’n sleazy. actually, no it’s not that easy. i’m a bit stressed that i did it but not as stressed as i was working there. i’m way too high-strung. i went by yesterday to gather my last round of tips and felt physically stressed. brosz7kowski started having panic attacks from his last job so he quit. he said he was on his way to work on the subway completely wigging out and the closer he got to his building the more panic he felt. marched right in and said to his boss he was done. sometimes you just have to do that if it’s affecting your health, it’s not just the job itself it’s the state of being you’re in. ok why am i talking about this i’m done it’s done stop stressing. this is why i am anxiety-riddled i just can’t get over things i have to turn them over cross-examine psycho-analyze, discuss, vent even when it’s said and done i am still not finished.

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ok lets change topics slightly. now that i am done my duty in the service industry, from that side of things, i have above and beyond high expectations (demands) when i go out to eat. even before i ever served i was a fucking cunt about everything now it’s just, you do not want to be my dinner date basically. well you do and you don’t. it depends on my mood. for starters i size people up in every situation/scenario there can possibly be in life, i am endlessly fascinated by humanity, we all know this, it’s why i blog. they’re (people) my material. so and so did this, they sucked, now here’s my essay on a situation that lasted ten seconds in a variety store lets take turns dismantling it in my comments now. some people watch porn, those funny or die videos, read the onion, troll messageboards, us, we hop on the raymi bipolar express day in day out. there is something for everyone. no i am not stoned right now i realize i’m all over the place i assure you there’s going to be a point eventually.

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this guy clearly ruled.

so basically the hostess of turtle jacks was a snotty little bitch. it doesn’t matter what she did or didn’t do. her entire demeanor was just all wrong. gym guy said it was part lack of experience and one part bitchy. i stand by my expectation of a person that if one works in the hospitality world which i consider all hosting jobs you don’t have to be behind the desk of a hotel but anyway, BE HOSPITABLE IT’S YOUR FUCKING JOB! this isn’t date night when steve carrel and tina fey get treated like garbage at the podium of that dinkus trendy resto this is fucking turtle jacks get over yourself, play fake nice with me, humour me, kiss my ass, seat me, say something clever or witty then if you fancy yourself so much you want us all to know you’re above this menial job come on then prove it to me show me how smart you are cos if you were an actual smart person you’d be playing the game straight off the bat not passive aggressively seating me in silence and pissing me off.

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cute backpack i’ll come back to this.

and then last nite, industry nite (blanket term for slowest bar night of the week please come in and give us your money) at that cozy pub on king douche west, the fynn bar that always seems to be empty when i go there. they had all these signs out front begging you to come in grabbing your attention and it worked, we go in and the shitty treatment begins. first we were indecisive about where we wanted to sit, not that i’m high maintenance or anything (so am) but i like to have the best seat. it must have a view of the entire room so i can stare at people and make up little assumptions in my head about them, it must be plush and comfortable and not totally near everybody else. does the waitress recommend a section or anything whatsoever? no she slams down the menus and says haughtily she’ll be back when we decide where to sit and storms off to the kitchen or the bathroom who knows. oh really that just happened? this is a good start. then we are ignored a shit ton and some guy comes out to serve us instead, classic trick in the you deal with them book. oh do you want service? no we don’t thanks we’re fine. at this point i’m like we should just go to bier market fuck this i want a nice glass of wine i don’t want to suffer for it.

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the place was dead. there was no entertainment like it said on the menu. fine. in fact two other drunken guys down the bar barked at the bartender COME ON YOU KNOW YOU DON’T WANT PEOPLE IN HERE RIGHT NOW they were just dishin’ out the shitty to everyone. fucking right i’d be bitter if i had to work labour day monday but you know what sweetheart you shoulda booked it off then or chosen a different career-path or a new joint to work in your miserable aura is affecting my miserable aura and i just quit a job for this very reason not to be confronted by it every other place i go in the city. we did eventually end up at bier market where there was more shit attitude. yes end of the night trying to close things get a little depressing and patience runs thin but after a long probably dead day of business you’d think the people who actually show up would be appreciated. i know some days it would be dead for hours then one guy shows up and you get a little miffed that you have to now babysit but you’re also grateful cos hello, $$$$$$$$$.

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maybe it was because my shirt was too open. haha. wow i felt so passionately about all this ten minutes ago now i’ve run out of steam. case in point i hate bad service and bad food. maybe i should address people the second i walk in the door to just go easy, don’t cop a ‘tude cos my ‘tude detector is the best there is no arrogance about it i am just hyper-sensitive to rudeness and have absolutely no tolerance for it.

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the guy who waited on us at turtle jacks was sooo nice and chatty and brilliant at his job in comparison of the hostess it was night and day. the guy at the pub last nite who came out to serve us was like uh do you want drinks like you’re not supposed to be my table but…i said yeah you can serve us cos she seems a little mad. that message was immediately delivered back of house cos she eventually dragged her heels on over to our table didn’t look at me once just directly at craig and took his order. had to call across the room numerous times for service. bullshit. unacceptable. F. you get an F. ok i am over this now. for future if i feel like being pissed off while extremely comfortable and sleepy i will go back to that pub.

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trish works at the dakota now. oh great. my poor liver. i liked how the bill looked, their letterhead. very cute old timey. this band called rattlesnake choir played and i couldn’t get over how familiar looking the guy singer was then this other guy shows up and i knew i had served them last week or so. after the show i was like hey you’re really good blah blah bla you drank at my bar last week. cool story. i was wearing a super short dress and these guys plus an ancient old man with them were digging it so i hammed it up a little. SEE, that’s what good service is all about. personality explosion.

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such a relaxing weekend away. textbook cliche beautiful. it was like staying in a showroom, a show house in a design center. woke up and pointed at the perfect dressing table with the perfect things on it in the perfect room and asked if we were in an antique store and ten thousand other funny quips i can’t remember. my mom would die to see this place. i’ll show you guys more don’t worry.

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so my next game plan is to smile more. more often? is more often redundant? i think it is. anyway, smiling. it’s going to be my new way to manipulate people by. i’m pretty good at it. i have good teeth and my face looks pretty cute when i do it right, i have little dimples, why the fuck am i mona lisa facing my life away? what do i get with that face? nothing. what do i get with smiling? everything. have to be cautious though cos it can go goony just like that.

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i want to shove my face in that so badly right now.

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mcgarnicle is the best cat ever. came home pretty late and he ran on over to me for a cuddle. stew left him behind in all the moving i called and asked if i should bring him inside but he said it’s fine he’ll get him in the morning. what a smart cat to remember me and to know i’m a safe house or whatever and no to answer your question i do not miss cid that cat was a fucking asshole to me for five years no matter how loving i was he just wasn’t having any of it. he attacked me in the face when i was sleeping all the fucking time, he wedged his fat ass between fil and i on the couch all the time, drove me infuckingsane and made it so i couldn’t have my own cat or take rocky while my dad was in hospital. i’ve seen cid since we split and it’s like i was never a part of his life, he still doesn’t give a shit about me and that’s fine the feeling is mutual hahaha. curly haired fuck’s dog is kinda similar, only cares about curly haired fuck and also the beast’s dog though he’s a puppy still so it’s ok i guess but the route of spoiling is going to potentially ruin that guy. why do i find men who have animals who fucking hate me and are obsessed with them? bad pattern. basically hi i have a kid that is never going to like you, have fun! ps. stew is gay if anyone was wondering you keep saying anonymously how hot he is i dunno if you know he’s gay or are a girl or a dude but if you are interested and worthy enough get in touch.

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did i blog this photo yet i feel as though i did and i feel as though i should delete half this post cos it’s too complainy but i also feel like you like that so whatever no sense in trashing it.

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did i blog this? ughhhhhhhh.

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. ahhhhhhhhhhh. don’t you think airhead internet girl speak is obnoxious and stupid? do people talk like that in the real world? OH MY GOD I’M DYIIIIIIIING OVER THIS JACKET! really? well take it off right away that sounds dangerous! i’m going to start talking like an adult hereonin lets see how long it lasts.

so the next thing i have to brag about takes place september 14 at cheese boutique and i’m taking melodie as my date because she is smarter than me and will help me take notes and also because i love her and she deserves it. we photograph well together, we have a good time, she fucks with whitey haha you know, the man whatever so it’s great to play ditzy self-absorbed blonde and have punk rock hot body smart mouth put you in your place on my arm. people’s reactions to our traveling circus always makes me laugh. cheese boutique is having a slow food once in a lifetime dining experience IN the actual boutique itself. they’re going to set up stations throughout the store (i can’t wait to eat and look down on everyone from the second tier chocolates area one of my favourite parts of the boutique cos it reminds me of the candy store out of willy wonka) and we will be served by all these elite chefs (foodies get a ticket you will murder yourself if you miss out) reds bistro – Michael Steh, Cheese Boutique – Afrim Pristine (number one chevalier in the world don’t forget)(IN THE WORLD), Crush Wine Bar – Michael Wilson (they did the wine for the toronto zoo eatathon i went to), Stratus Winery – Wine pairing (pumped), Le Select Bistro – Albert Ponzo (have yet to go but i will oh i will) C5-ROM – Ted Corrado (my aunt and i went here for high tea it was fucking awesome and they were also at the zoo foodie event) also Earth, Globe – Kevin McKenna. tickets are $75 which is pretty reasonable considering how generous these eating parties are/can be also when i consider it more, $75 is nothing really for a night out on the town not to mention this is something that won’t happen again for a very long time. there may be a few surprises in store too, some i don’t even know about (for once).

so that’s what i’ll be doing the day after i get back from nawlins so i’ll likely be fat and bloated from all the shit i’ll be eating there.

this long winded pile of puke needs to end now i wonder if i can fit in a gym visit pre-hair appointment hmmmm. newp ran out of time oh well.

just booked an appointment for a mani/pedi at mosheta for tomorrow i feel so orange county right now what’s next a brazilian? oh wait leslie booked us those at some spa in nola. knock knock who’s there my life is retarded byeeeeeee. i’m going to end every post with and now this is why i quit my job, whether it’s relevant in context or not. always keep them guessing (knowing you are an idiot).

+++

Hi,

Adrienne

sent this to leslie and she said “yeah this is not bad news” hahahhaa. what’s even greater news is it’s hurricane season and i’ll be stateside for my annual september 11th wig out. nice knowin’ yas!

happiness meter: 7.5/10 not bad.

celibacy watch: still a virgin.

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right back to the grind. i punched the driver’s side window of a car on my way to the gym cos the oblivious quebecer woman behind the wheel decided to plough willy nilly right into my path even though i made two moves to avoid her she still didn’t get it. i screamed at her YOU ALMOST HIT ME she just rolled her eyes like oh whatever so totally used to being self-absorbed and fucking lazy.

i’m sitting in the living room freezing right now. had THE best weekend. stayed two nites in muskoka was supposed to be just one. movie fest. eating fest. swam in the lake. slept in the boathouse. made fun of everyone i saw at turtle jacks totally opposite of the scene of the one in burlington. bought some shirts and a dress from a surf store playing retarded psycho music that doesn’t mesh well with hangovers.

shower of power time now.

roots appt tomorrow thought i was leaving for new orleans on wednesday. newp thursday (give me a ride to the airport someone i will make it completely not worth your while) and the nite before that im taking the family and others to ratatat at sound academy. that’ll be a gong show. as for tonite, comedy or movie?

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kathleen loves seagulls. they get a bad rap because of humans. they’re addicted to our sugary chemical food waste so really you have no rights calling them shit hawks cos it’s your shit you scattered all over the planet you fucking assholes. they’re merely a reflection of you.

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destroyed my brake pads. kathleen hooked it up. love you!

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here’s video highlights of that distillery party from last weekend. great turn out!

i think i’m going to have a massive ten year blog anniversary jam. companies who want in on swag providing, sponsorship, bands even, get at me. just trying to sort out logistics. the actual date is november 28 (also my dad’s birthday) kind of a hallmark. ten years. what a dinosaur. what the hell do i do for that? cry in front of a podium? where should i have it? maybe i’ll put together a trivia challenge for prizes or a powerpoint presentation slideshow i dunno, something. should i get roasted? agh nervous just kicked in. ok i have stuff to do now. went on date two with gym guy last nite. i was basically black out drunk on our first one. kinda funny. we went to yuzu (amazing) then made fun of people in the soho grand bar. they have amazing martinis named after neighbourhoods in the city. there isn’t one called parkdale though. what would the components be? listerine, crazy glue and windex. the blue of the windex combined with the piss yellow hue of the listerine would blend ever so nicely.

i have two more work shifts one today and one tomorrow so if you want to see my retarded face in there those are your chances. 5-whenever i get out of there and tomorrow i open then i go to a cottage and meditate in a forest in the rain.

my very first blog posts. cringe.

me at 17 in oxford. ten years ago. feels like yesterday.

some tard in my comments is like you better have something up your sleeve otherwise people are going to make fun of you for quitting your job. yeah uh why do you think i quit idiot. also way to support the independent pursuit. live bravely, dream big, be semi-insane and take risks.

oh and the does it offend you? yeah! show is tonite at mod club if you want to hang in the balcony in my reserved section with food (sorry no free drinks this time) let me know and i’ll put you on the list it’s starting to fill up. PARTY ON RAYMI’S DIME!

set times:

Doors: 7pm
Does It Offend You, Yeah?: 8-8:45pm
Kele: 9:15-10pm

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cowlick out of control, needs to relax. i was wearing my hair up in pebbles updo so many days in a row without washing it some got tangled in a hair elastic and ripped out. it’s growing but looks major stupid during the whole blow dry process.

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just going to breeze through these shots. that’s rabbit.

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it’s safe to say this nail polish shade is a big hit. now i’m back on the baby pink train for the time being.

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primo dining vantage camera point everyone comes out uber talented-seeming when they have a picture like this. guy all you did was sit the camera on the table and press shoot.

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big deal brewmaster what looks like my uncle roger. once he got a little gassed out came the vietnam stories. we were feeling it.

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10.5% oh what a hangover the next day was.

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still riding my one little bar trick wave. the lushes love it. a lot harder to do with these kinds of glasses.

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someone was actually paying attention or pretending to.

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ordered wine straight off the bat to mellow out. beer weekers eyeballing some arrogant twat with a glass of wine, guess how many comments? get over it guys i love winona ryder i also do whatever the fuck i want, are you new?

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this is when the buzzed shows up.

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i even matched my underwear.

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the lighting in that pub is very cozy. sigh fall. here it comes.

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ginger took that one.

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went nuts on the food photos. amped to take more with the pen.

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i have no recollection of what was paired with what. here eat this, drink that. done.

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such a brat.

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8.5% went with the soup. magnif combo and that’s when my taste detection abilities went out the window.

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they ran out of girls gift bags so we let ging take a dude one. wow what a fascinating photograph.

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this is more like it. my eyes were gushing so i had to bring out the garths. i have seasonal allergies. it really sucks.

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i have my moments. i bet you’re getting sick of these photos.

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why is my hair taking so long to get long????

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requisite shining shot.

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bailed on jd party last nite and i’m hung all the same anyway, carry over hangover. went on a date. did i tell you i fired up a new dating profile? i dunno what it is about my pics or the time of year but i’m being inundated with way more dudes this time around. must be photos or looking better or they’re just more desperate or it was always like that i just didn’t notice.

i have periods of being totally fine with being single and then totally angry about it. i’ve become picky as fuck in some areas. if you’re out with a guy and he’s not the one you can just dismiss and be on to the next. you don’t bother to bend your mind to see the possibility of getting to like him and make a life or whatever, well you do but only for a night then you wake up the next day pissed off at how much he sucked. totally seinfelding my way through dates, essentially.

i’m completely tired of men and dating while also completely addicted to the hunt. it IS exhausting. you connect with someone but can’t see them for a week or two cos of conflicting work/life schedules so in-between you go on a couple dates to kill time and test the waters out there, you haven’t forgotten about the first guy you just put him on a shelf til later and see how you fare with others whom without fail completely bring you down. i have no shame about internet dating. look how much it makes sense for me i wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for the internet.

i know shit is taking off and about to take off really hard for me so i don’t know if i’ll even have time for a relationship, i make time for one even though there are so many more important things i should be doing for my career right now. i can’t help it i’m just “meant” to have someone around constantly to irritate boss around demand shit from pay me attention dote on me and be doted in return. it’s not difficult but once you’ve been single for awhile it seems to be the case. whoever this lucky bastard to be is must meet every single stipulation i have. stew and i were hanging at mezzrow’s last nite and he said he only bangs “the one” types and i’m pretty much the same. so basically if i sleep with you it’s cos you’ve passed all my tests and i could see us hanging around and becoming in like but then it goes to crap somehow and i get really pissed at this person for somehow not being a mind reader and just knowing that i thought all these nice things about them.

i have a few guys in the wings ready and willing to lock shit down with me but i’m perplexed. sort of a mess. sort of not ready yet even though i keep whining about wanting a boyfriend. do i really? can my next boyfriend handle all that comes with raymicorp?

i quit my job on tuesday. i have a couple more shifts but yeah i just can’t do it anymore. i got tired of looking at rich little chicks and their arrogant asshole arm candy dudes with their father’s credit cards and i realised i could afford to not take that shit anymore. i love that bar and i love everything its done for me i just need to focus on not being hungover all the time plowing through emails with one eye open half-assing my business. it’s time to make a change. clem said if i was working there a year from when i began then i failed. i worked there 8 months. it kinda fucked my summer the summer of all summers to be depressed by. the bar made me fat i am sticking to that excuse. the stress made me fat. the bar stress fat. having a couple shifts a week made it so i couldn’t really get away so i was stuck in the city constantly it felt forcing myself on awful dates to kill time thinking a new relationship would fix my problems.

i wouldn’t mind going back in the fall or winter for a shift or two if they’d have me. i didn’t go out in flames like i thougt i would tom cruise jerry maguire styles. i don’t think half the staff even knows about it yet though who’s to know for sure the gossip fishbowl there is ridiculous as are all bars. i am still in shock about quitting and i worry i might wig out a little over it but for the most part i feel liberated and proud of myself which is why i’ve been hungover two days in a row, celebrating. yes there is finally a reason for it other than “life”.

if you don’t feel the desperation at your heels to achieve then you just won’t bother and before you know it months fly by and you’re not getting any younger or prettier. if i have a safety net then i will not bother working any harder than i barely work already. so i had to do it. i’ve had very few “real” jobs in my life so to me it’s a big deal that i did this meanwhile i have friends who land and ditch jobs like no tomorrow. i’m a loyal person, a lifer, i don’t passively do anything. i know i’ll miss that place. i still have dreams of the hardware store i worked in and like, crave building scott’s fertilizer spreaders, or mixing paint. i could see myself living in the sticks sitting in a parking lot chainsmoking throwing top soil into the trunks of cars no problem. i require full body work stimulation. fuck maybe i should do something for the planet and build houses like sayid in lost somewhere remote for a couple months instead of being a huge selfish prick all the time.

i’ve got some other great news but it’ll have to wait. i need to learn how to sit on things.