i always wanted a man’s sweater that was striped red and green and had a zipper on it and a collar and now i have one because some unlucky hack left it all hung by itself on the wall and forgot about it so i stuffed it in my left sleeve and then i looked like i had a robotic arm that was fatter than my right arm and i was a good peter sellers sleuth type and before i left i turned around and pointed at the room and said YOU’VE BEEN MINXED!

ok no i didn’t.

i feel guilty about the sweater now like there is going to be an article about it in the gossip town times and then i’ll have to bury it in the backyard and then i will be on city pulse with a sweatshirt on my head and my lawyer will be shoving the camera away.

i’m so hung/dehydrated i feel 90 years old.

el duderino you.may.have.already.won@gmail.com to raymi

…the best man

i get strange emails.

have you seen that campbell’s commercial for chunky chili where the narrator mentions “knocking up a pastry” ? what the fuck is that suppose to mean and how is it related to chili and campbell’s?

litblog talks about me.

we took turns being the jenga master last nite after eating duck and a fancy salad and orange potatoes that were actually sweet potatoes duh. and we saw the snake eat three little mice that were already dead that came from the pet store. it was gross but cool at the same time and also sad. the mice looked like they were sleeping and then OH NO Mr.snake comes along and eats them so bad they get eaten! aimee was offended by fil’s hair that i had put into braids on the top of his head like he was coolio. maybe he’ll get corn rows?!!

coolness update the III:

cats like it when you sing meow meow meow at them over and over to the tune of stop right now, thank you very much by the spice girls and you also keep rhythm by snapping your fingers along with the meow-singing.

people don’t like it as much as cats do unfortunately.

coolness update the II.

so there’s always a bunch of kids partying down at the house that we practise at and when we were leaving last nite some kid was walking out with his jacket in a garbage bag because he puked on it and i went HA BUUUUURN! and then all his friends also went BUUUUURN at the barf jacket kid and i forgot all about it ’til just now and i kind of feel bad but i kinda don’t at the same time.

i’m glad i was quick enough on my feet to use the burn word ‘cos i like keeping it real oldschool style because i have street cred and it made everyone jealous of my capacity to deliver smack talk and everyone knows that putting down people younger than you is how you get respect.

coolness update:

i was just watching muchmusic, video flow or something and you know how they’ve adopted the ticker tape text/chat messages from viewers just like mtv (gay) well, some douche bag wrote: MALTON 4EVER! and it went across the screen during a “hip hop” video featuring faith evans and i was like well there goes the neighbourhood.

people not in canada, malton is the ghettoiest ghetto that ever ghetto’d near the airport.

they showed a chick having her 200 lb tumor removed on oprah today. that’s like having a whole person or two skinny bitch persons attached to your body except theyre not persons at all they’re a useless nasty blob that needs its own seat in the car beside you and everyone has to be pretend sensitive about it to you but behind your back they be all yo, when is homegirl gonna have that shit done cut off?

grossest footage ever.