drunk nerdy loser

V: so it turns out that man didn’t create light.

M: it was woman.

V: no it was lightning.

M: oh, is that what you learned in your dyke course?

This is how you go crazy

You move to toronto when you are nineteen years old and then let crazy fucked up people move in with you who take advantage of your generosity and you work as an online prostitute and you date an abusive drug dealer who cheats on you and you do blow every other nite of the week and then you go to los angeles and smoke weed until your brains turn to dirt and you go to the loony bin and then you go back to canada and stay in the loony bin for a little while longer and then you get out and seclude yourself in a tiny town where you don’t know anybody for six months and then you gain some of your confidence back and go out on the town one nite and you meet another drug dealer and date him for six months who treats you like shit and then you finally lose your cool again and dump his ass once you get all skinny and manic and you can no longer smoke weed because it brings back terrors of 9/11 and generally some uncool shit.

When you are in the loony bin you spend a lot of time with people who are far more crazy than yourself and you take everything literally because that rational part of your brain is so doped up and the schizophrenics scream at you and the fucking senile split-personalities intrigue you and the christians terrify you and on and on until you realise you are pregnant and you just can’t believe your luck.

Jro emailed me and said that this guy is my new husband. i checked him out and was like yawn my new husband is boooooring but then after scrolling down a bit i was like WOAH MY NEW HUSBAND RULES BECAUSE HE IS COMPLETELY INSANE!

ps. check out jro’s site because he has amazing comics that are endearing and political and mean. this one for example:

update le deux:

it looks like i have a bloody produce bag on my head. or i was shot in the head and i put a plastic bag on it to stop the bleeding. i’d take a picture but it is just too disgusting and fil is going to be pissed off when he gets home and sees the rug. i’ll just buy a new one. whuddup wal-mart!?

17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor

found that off goldenfiddle

coolness waste of time update:

i have a trillion red dye stains all over my back, shoulders and arms and forehead and my tits are literally sweating cos i have a plastic bag on my head to make the shit happen quicker and it’s made my body temperature skyrocket. i could die!

i got bored so i bought some hairdye and i am waiting for the colour to process as i type this and i got dye all over the bathroom rug, bloody red dye. oh well.

Jeffrey says:

here are camera phone pictures

Jeffrey says:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jackfalcon/

Jeffrey says:

I am eating grape nutz

Jeffrey says:

and drinking apple juice because I am 8

Jeffrey says:

some interview this is

raymi says:

i just went to make a drink

raymi says:

sprite and jager because i am your drunk aunt

Jeffrey says:

figures you decide to have an interview and then fall asleep

Jeffrey says:

whats up Jager

raymi says:

you have a camera fone, amazing

raymi says:

hello kitty new york !!!!!!!!!!!

raymi says:

wow she has bodyguards?

Jeffrey says:

I took those for you

Jeffrey says:

and sent them to your phone

Jeffrey says:

totally had bodyguards

raymi says:

i dont have a camerafone because i am dying

raymi says:

were people allowed to hug her

Jeffrey says:

yes of course

Jeffrey says:

but you probably would have got in trouble if you started crying and shit

raymi says:

probably

Jeffrey says:

Yeah, I saw that and I was like “WOAH”

raymi says:

it would have made everyone uncomfortable

Jeffrey says:

right

Jeffrey says:

bummed out kids

raymi says:

lets talk shit about your friends

Jeffrey says:

lets talk shit about your universe

raymi says:

fine

Jeffrey says:

my friends are all gay black jews, there’s not much more to be said

raymi says:

they rule

raymi says:

thats my new blog title

Jeffrey says:

yeah, Borlin was like “every now and then I get a weird sort of insulting email form her, even though I never even met her”

Jeffrey says:

OH

raymi says:

borlin

Jeffrey says:

I went to see Natasha last night

raymi says:

OH!!

raymi says:

did you swoon

Jeffrey says:

BUT because I am fucked up, I missed her set

raymi says:

oh

raymi says:

well did u meet her

Jeffrey says:

and I was pretty sure it was her out front talking withe everyone with a big keyboard thing

Jeffrey says:

and I was covered in sweat and she was all dressed up and talking with white people about “the performancs” ao I didn’t interrupt

Jeffrey says:

and then ran away

raymi says:

the performancs?

Jeffrey says:

the performance

raymi says:

well u should have at least picked up her cd

Jeffrey says:

I ain’t buying shit

Jeffrey says:

I mean, sure, I’ll check it out

raymi says:

its beautiful music

Jeffrey says:

is she shorter than you

raymi says:

same height

Jeffrey says:

kinda looks hispanic or something

raymi says:

uh no she has blond hair

Jeffrey says:

oh well it wasn’t her

Jeffrey says:

oops, she was playing when I walked by then

Jeffrey says:

hah

raymi says:

you are soooo lame

Jeffrey says:

whatever

raymi says:

good

Jeffrey says:

fine

Jeffrey says:

well she was hot

raymi says:

she totally is

Jeffrey says:

I don’t know what her music sounds like

raymi says:

it sounds like poetry and screaming and shit to dump your boyfriend to

Jeffrey says:

nice

Jeffrey says:

I would not expect that at all

Jeffrey says:

it looked like some boring angry bad piano playing lesbian shit

Jeffrey says:

oh wait, those are the same thing

Jeffrey says:

neahht

raymi says:

nice one

Jeffrey says:

thanks

raymi says:

im putting this on my blog