Here is a long email which I seem to write you annually, or when you shut down you comments or whatever:

It’s a shame about the comments because I think they are entertaining sometimes and occasionally there are interesting insights in there. More than anything I think people use the comments because they like interacting with you and watching you interact with other people in your own singular way. Even with the assholes. It’s a big part of your blog.

But I think I understand a little more this time, compared to the last time you shut down your comments why you did it though. Back then I was like, “Whatever, you can’t let those retards get to you.” I just wrote “reatards” and then as I was fixing it I thought, “readtard” is actually a good word. I’m going to say it from now on.

But I digress. For some reason this time I can see more clearly how you must feel when you lay yourself out there only to have smart asses having a go at you. It’s probably easier to handle when you’re just joking around but when you’re really opening up, that must sting. I don’t know how you do it.

I just got my first nasty comment on my stupid blog today. When I read it I was like, “I would love to kick this anonymous cunt right in the face.”

…It wasn’t you, was it? Kidding…. But was it? Anyway, I can’t say I was completely unaffected by the cunt and that’s because I was talking about some personal insights in that post. I wasn’t joking around. And that was me and my own little timid writings! I don’t even lay it all out there the way you do.

You should know that all those readtards that leave those cynical, know-it-all comments are just as fastened with you and what you have to say as everyone else is and everyone knows it. Most of them are probably miserable and hate themselves. If we’re lucky they’ll blow their own brains out. But they always piss off back to their porn sooner or later anyway.

Fuck the readtards. Fuck them. Your book looks like it is going to be really good. I’ll read it. Stay brave and don’t stop writing and taking photos and making art and videos and being honest and following your whims (I know you never said you would, I’m just saying). Why the hell shouldn’t you if you aren’t doing anyone any harm? It’s because you do it for you that people are so interested and feel compelled to comment.

Actually I’m starting to think like I did before. You’re not actually going to let these dinks get to you are you? Let them comment. You don’t have anything to be ashamed of. It’s not like they are going to make everyone go, “hmm, that fucknut has a good point. Life is an audition and I suddenly don’t like Rami’s blog.” Just publish a book of their inane comments and pay for a car with it.. or at least a bottle of whisky to put between your legs.

I’m done saying “readtards” now. It’s not that great a word.

I think it’s punk rock to not have comments. I really like your excerpt and yes I’m a sale. Some of the trouble with comments is that everyone wants to relate it to themselves, though it’s not them.

For example, I just noticed that Jack Kerouac never seemed to drive, you made it noticed. I lost my driver’s license about 3 years ago for getting drunk and driving into a street, and I literally can’t call to start getting it back, I freeze.

And revise it so that I would have wound up getting killed by a semi say yesterday in say Minnesota but really you just notice more without it, there’s a road inside the highway. And I think by now if I were behind the wheel with a license I’d be wondering what it would be like to be able to say I didn’t have a driver’s license. What I mean is I think you should drive, it’s fun.

I’d like to be able to recite by memory a funeral elegy about age, age 22 specifically, really a beautiful speech on quality quantity, the periodical irrelevance of a number, but I can’t do it, I’m 21.

About depression I might be getting fragmented understanding from the outside c/o antidepressants but I also knocked on wood.

Emailing you any more runs the risk of ingratiating myself needlessly, I just wanted to say “cool”.

Sincerely, Ryan

“i liked it when you used to…..”

yeah well fuck off — i don’t anymore.

anyway. good for you with the book. that’s an accomplishment.

Pierre

I’m sorry that the Internet rabble is getting you down. I guess that is the unfortunate side effect of instant publishing. Instant unfiltered feedback. It can be petty, harsh and unmerciless.

Don’t let it get you down.

Your (and Px’s) blog inspired me to get off my arse and start sharing my work with others. I think it is very brave to do what you do. Until recently I agonized over things for days, printed them out, then burried them in my closet.

I found the third paragraph of your book excerpt really moving and evocative.

Don’t let the cowards stifle you.

What girl bloggers I read have similar problems, which is sad. Interaction, feedback and conversation is what makes posting your thoughts, stupid moments and publicizing your private life- that much more interesting. To quote a movie, “The benefit of meeting others is that they may introduce you to yourself.” Without comments, another avenue for that to happen is killed. That’s part of what frustrates me. Not that you’re not surrounded by enough people in your real life to keep life interesting and to keep you honest and beautifully balanced, but limitations are limitations and who ever wants options unavailable?

Maybe I’m taking this too far, it’s 2am here and I’m over-analytical during the daylight hours to begin with. The more delirium sets in, the worse my overthinking gets.

You’re welcome or I’m sorry, depending on what this email ends up being to you.

Love ya. Take care.