look at this friends! you are fully allowed to buy me one! fil said he will stick it in the freezer when he goes to work in the morning but i don’t care i have lots of love to give and i want to give it all to a bioengineered friend! apparently they’re at that iodine and arsenic place beside the dun right inn right now!!!!

i’m hoping today isn’t going to be another all about fil day – he’s just left to have winter tires put on his new girlfriend. we might go up to the cottage. it’s ridiculously warm today. i’m trying to think of anything obnoxious that i did last nite. ?? well there was suppose to be guacamole on my nachos and it wasn’t ’til i got through them that i told dave (who is also as retardedly wasted as i am) about the guacamole and he’s like well obviously you should send them back and i was like I KNOW I AM NEVER COMING BACK HERE EVER and he was all BLESS YOUR HEART.

ok it was funny at the time because i am at this bar at least 5 times a week.

then i got all these babes hooked on porno hunt and they were all no don’t leave us we neeed your help and i’m all hey ladies i gotta smoke but before i leave…

bleep bloop blop beep.

and they’re all WOW you are INCREDIBLE.

then i felt smart about myself for ten seconds.

fuck i can’t wait to move so i can write about playing megatouch in other bars.

but wait, earlier i ran all the way to the liquor store to try and make it before 6 and it felt like my ankle was going to explode cos i guess i haven’t had to run for a very long time and so i get there and see that they don’t close ’til 8 so i exploded through the doors out of breath and sweaty and went YAH CHRISTMAS HOURS, THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ BOUT! WORD!

and there were three tiny old ladies in cardigans looking at wine and a bunch of other respectable looking people milling about and i felt like flava flav and how everyone thinks he’s too embarassing to live and in his mind he thinks that they are thinking that he is really fucking cool but i was flava flav the moment the epiphany struck for him and he finally realised how much of a joke he is.

FLAVA FLAV!

who’s watching strange love right now?

i stumbled across your blog, and being the nobody i am
i would assume you have deleted this already. if you
haven’t, stay there, where ever there is for you,
because you have it, something that other people
covet, something that other people don’t have and it
pisses them off. now i sound like a fucktart, anyway,
thats that.

last nite natalie spent a million dollars off her credit card trying to beat all of my megatouch high scores. HA! she’s all BLA HAA WHEE I’S TRYING TO BEAT YOUR SCORZE RAYMI!

and she didn’t.

then she left and so did fil and i decided to be a barfly and play by myself and then this fat nice guy is all HEY THUR YOU PLAYIN’ MY GAMES I NEED TO FIND A GAL LIKE YOU

me: Bleep Boop bleep beep

him: ME AND MUH EX WE USES TO BET EACH OTHER, WE MADE BETS ‘n stuff

me: beep bleep

him: LIKE IF I WIN THEN YOU HAVE TO RUN AROUND NEKKID!

me: bleep boop boOOOOOOp

him: BUT WE DON’T GO TOgetheR no more

me: dude can you shut up?

him: WOw you’re tough. i like YOU.

me: you can buy me a gin but i have to leave and meet my boyfriend

him: YOU GOT A BOYFRIEND? WELL YOU LET ME know when you dump him, ok?

me: look at me? do i look like i am single? you have a loonie?

bartender shows up

me: hey this guy is going to buy me a gin and tonic

bartender: this guy’s name is *******

me: i know. that’s my brother’s name.

him: P(*^fdhewf32n bwjf,3m42tr segf;oi

me: k gotta go bye

ok i will write something now.

being a cat lover i have come to the conclusion that they are rude fucking assholes, tho i love ‘em still. the cat spends all day following you around and demanding to sit on your lap your chest your face for you to feed it and then let it sit on you some more and this carries on throughout the day and then finally it’s time for bed and the cat decides your hand is not clean enough to rest his fucking head on so he spends ten minutes licking it. how fucking rude. fuck you cat, YOU’RE the dirty one. MY EYES ARE FUCKING BLOODSHOT BECAUSE OF YOU AND I HAVE YOUR HAIR ALL OVER MY CLOTHES YOU SELFISH TIT!

anyway. yesterday was a stressful day for me, having nothing to do with the comments thing, this blog isn’t the centre of my universe you know. ok yes it is. i totally blew it at band practise, every song was just terrible. though we normally practise on tuesdays so maybe that had something to do with it, and my dad was using a new whateverthefuck FX pedal and randy had a new bass drum. my mind kept wandering. cool story.

Ms Lauren

I gathered the patience to read your dumb excerpt. Unbelievably shallow, selfrighteuos, vain, simplistic and whinny. You not only want to imitate Joyce (poorly), but you also want to be like that looser Keruac. The drivers licence angst is just so stupid. I think I will email the excerpt to some friends.

i don’t know who the fuck joyce is

you can have multiple votes.