FOUR YEARS AGO TODAY

i was just about to draw a funny little cartoon of me complaining about today’s heat and make it all charming and cool and whatever but this machine is so goddamn ancient, it can’t keep up with adobe photoshop. it made my “art” crappier than usual, and i bet you thought that wasn’t possible.

so we rented Clerks last nite so i could finally see it YES i never saw it before and now i have three words for you: BORING AS HELL. good thing lindsay lohan was on SNL bad thing pearl jam was the musical guest.

so clerks cult groupies before your heads explode yes i am aware that at the time it came out there was nothing out like it so i guess maybe it was refreshing but still maybe there was nothing out like it FOR A REASON. kevin smith why weren’t you able to make the characters in this movie have their own personalities? do you realise that a blue collar guy would never speak the way he was speaking? do you think that being silent in your crappy movie the entire time is an effective gimmick and worth carrying over into other films? ARE YOU A BIG FAT EGOMANIAC WHO WOULD SUCK YOUR OWN DICK IF YOU COULD BECAUSE YOU LOVE YOU SO MUCH?

i still like you, but…

this is too boring to complain about.

we saw scary movie 4 yesterday and then we went to a raptors game and no one told me how fucking boring basketball games are good thing the tickets were free and i poured my beer into my lap twice and then realised that the lid was not put on properly to begin with then we met up with pete and his sister who is a million feet tall and we got wrecked and it was fun and samir and sharpie were there too.

good thing i am the best fucking lunatic dancer EVER. seriously i am amazing at dancing i love myself so much bye.

MG and Luke Doucet and Melissa McClelland do HURT

Fil has a bunch of pictures up from the Mod Club on Thursday

maybe i’ll just be a rap star.

TWO YEARS AGO TODAY

this guy keeps writing me and saying how shitty my writing is.

anyway, i had this dream that i had a talking dog and it told me it didn’t like the name i gave it and it use to be a girlhuman in a past life and it was abused and then i was driving a truck and it got all smashed up cuz i was chasing after this damn abused dog and the car was idling and then the room i had in this house had a square hole in the floor that led down to a well and these creepy red biting bats lived down there so i boarded up the hole but i could hear them trying to fly out of there to kill my dog.

there’s a hole exactly where my buttcrack is on these pants i’m wearing and i don’t have underwear on.

My Alcohoroscope

ARIES – Drinking style

Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don’t know when to call
it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time shot
contests. They’re sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a
couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a good way to get what you
want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when
blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if
not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you —
so long as you haven’t gone and done anything really horrible to them last
night, you sneaky Gemini.

Trademark cocktails

Aries, born under the hot-stuff planet Mars, is the ruler of spicy food and
red things — and for balance, astrologers recommend they eat tomatoes,
onions, olives and greens. That’s right, Aries, you were born under the sign
of the bloody Mary. Aries also rules grapefruit, and they’ve been known to
kick back a salty dog and a sea breeze or two. For extreme hotcha, try a
concoction with cinnamon liqueur in it.

Drinking buddies

Marlon Brando, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Al Gore, Thomas
Jefferson, Elton John, Eric McCormack, Rosie O’Donnell, Sarah Jessica
Parker, Reese Witherspoon