ungh my fucking EYE people! it’s been hurting since yesterday, i thought i blew it out or something from crying my head off sunday nite but i just deduced now that it’s possibly from a bug bite, yeah thanks a lot little fucker you know i rented BEE movie last week and this is the thanks i get for it? yeah thanks a lot seinfeld.

it hurts if i blink too hard or squint or think about it god i’m hideous. it itches and it’s right on the border where i put mascara all over my bottom lid where it meets EYEBALL holy hell is that ever convenient.

UPDATE: it’s a sty! fuck! i also think i’m getting sick. life rules right now!

anyway, here i am taking myself extremely seriously as usual:

jesus, i hope nobody watched that. you can see the massive bruise i have on my right thigh. i am falling apart.

and this was my disgusting lunch, veggie “hamuburger” thing:

me: sigh

me: EWWWWWWWw

and will you look at this sloth?

two words: EXER and CISE.

thingsididlastnight

BURN!

she looked so damn good when she said to me “its not like they said it would be, loneliness is beautiful strange and free”

central is closed on mondays so we went to the butler’s pantry instead, it’s cozy and nice enough i guess, kind of a lame scene though.

headed inside cos it kept raining on and off, sat side by side watching this couple feel like they were being scrutinized by us, both a bit dowdy and unhip, made me feel a bit sad. not that being cool is the focal point of my existence or anything, but happiness is, and these dudes didn’t seem to be brimming with either of the two. they barely spoke to each other, and seemed tired. when i eventually stopped paying attention to them i caught the chick staring at me porn all over my meal, our table was right under a spotlight too, pretty funny.

biryani 7.95 very tasty.

this is supposed to be their show stopper dish, the “bibim bop” i forget what they called it i know there’s different names for it, anyway, i don’t see an egg on top of this shit or a hot clay pot so i call bullshit, the bulgogi beef was good enough though, i deduce it’s the most popular meal cos all the squares get a kick out of pronouncing what it is, i dunno, i was pretty underwhelmed.

i like that they plated this like that cooking mama game.

people in the annex dig this get-up, people as in pervy dudes checkin’ out my pud, fil says i can’t say that word PUD PUD PUD haha. it’s not as lippy looking as fil makes it out to be, it’s just, you know where to look and if you’re lucky you may glimpse an outline of some sort. ungh you guys are sick. fil says if he dressed like a slut maybe he’d get checked out as much as me.

our pal chris handmade some obscene amount of these pins. yeah i bet his wife made them all nice try chris.

that’s it for now kids, we rented the grand which is good enough for you to rent, funny. according to sass we are so OLD and hetero, just like that butler’s pantry couple. le sigh.

+++

all these nerd losers are debating my mariokart wii penis video STILL like go out and get laid or something am i right?? anyway here is a new video from the original perspective, still proving that’s a giant fucking cock.

A LAUNDRY STORY!

guess what, my laundry nemesis is at it again today, three washing machines for a teeny amount of clothes, she separates like this: whites, whites with tiny little colour embellishments (so unnecessary to separate that from whites), and colours. meanwhile i stuff 200 pieces of laundry into one machine (they actually work best when they’re full as hell) anyway the best part of this story is another woman came in a minute after me with laundry and tsk’d when she saw all the machines were taken and i got the adrenaline surge shakes and jumped on this chance don’t you worry yes i did! i said, yeah it’s the same person who does this ALL the time no wait i said i KNOW who it is, takes up three machines for a tiny amount of clothes, what a waste of water and it’s totally rude too. the woman is pretty miffed and in agreement and notices the over-flowing amount of suds in two of the machines and says yeah she uses a LOT of soap too and i say yeah, does it all the time (repeating, driving point home) and i have this huge basket of clothes and it fits into one machine and i mix colours and whites no problem and so now i see that i have successfully got her going i add well she’ll be back down in 20 minutes (pointing to the machine time counting down) heheh. the woman says YEAH AND THEY WORK THE BEST WHEN THEY’RE FULL (something we don’t really know for sure but were told this in a memo and it’s something we like to repeat out loud to each other a lot) i get someone else to deal with the problem that’s been irritating me forever. i was this close to saying someone should really write a note about this (people LOVE writing notes in buildings!) though i did add hey isn’t there a 2 machine limit? woman says yeah but i guess if you’re alone you can use three? i shake my head, implying that’s not the point AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT HERE PEEEEOPLE? i think laundry nemesis is a maid for someone in the building, her laundry obsession leads me to believe this, like always there, and she dresses like a maid would, plus she’s eastern euro and scowls a lot.

god i love the laundry drama llama ding dongs.

no YOU get a life!

ok now i have to run down and swipe a dryer, if she has separated her clothes for drying this time i’m going to speak up! oh i hope i do!

**update**

i went down and there was soap suds all over the floor and laundry nemesis was there too AND the woman and the woman was complaining over the sink ringing out a cloth saying OH JUST TOO MUCH SOAP over and over then sees me and says LOOK! and gestures with both arms to the machine that’s stuffed with soap suds and the nemesis is lookin’ real sheepish, collected her clothes and left looking over her shoulder at me on her way out HA! then i asked the woman if that machine was hers (nemesis’s) (FULL of soap suds like someone dumped soap in a fountain or hot tub scene in a comedy) and the woman says oh no she knows better she has worked here for years and years um yeah sure but you missed the total guilty look she gave me when you weren’t looking. i just shrugged and put my clothes in the dryer and the woman says wow you weren’t kidding that is a LOT of clothes.

ME I WIN!

Ryan:today is powerfully uncool i’m watching golf
help

me: yes
hahahhahaha nice one

time for a shower, yay it’s raining, AGAIN, not like we haven’t had enough rain in toronto this week!

thanks matt for ruining the only good picture. ungh the sting of shame from all the dumb shit i said to dave foley is still fresh so i’ll save those gems for another day if that’s ok with you. dave if you’re reading, i’m a lot smarter in real life, and by real life i mean outside the world of live shows and 2 in the morning boozefests, you national treasure you (fil cringed when i told him i said that). thanks for hanging out with me longer than necessary though.

beast from montreal.

nxne mascots.

bv3, i saw them open for pulp at massey hall when i was 15, they were so awesome and humble and let me and my dorky friends hang out in the alley and watch jarvis do sound check through the door and they waved up to us a lot when they were on stage and we were up in the balcony anyway, they’re a lot less humble now. cheryl i want my signed pulp cd back NOW!

what’s up guys?

setting up for the mmva’s, the new kids were there!!!!!!!!!1111111

hi wendi!

oh yeah we went to the riv to hang with radmad and craig’s sister, blew my mind, she’s awesome. radmad was railed from all day drinking all over toronto touristing. bumped into jeanette who now has platinum hair she was amped on redbull, was worried the waitresses we left a shitty note for last time we ate there would be working, they weren’t. maybe they got fired?

i’ve never seen tiff SOOOOOOOOO drunk. in fact all these squares we see out throughout the year who normally take’r easy, they’ve been ripped all week long it’s awesome, bizarro week.

dave knows an astronaut who lives in manhattan beach, he says tom hanks is ahead of him in line to be blasted into outer space. i bring you the hard facts people. i told dave i would enjoy rubbing it in the face of my dad and brother that i met him tomorrow (today)(happy father’s day dad!)

another first! matt + water.

hi alex dewiest skin ever. we looked through all the pictures of her cat on her phone, vids too. chicks be cray-zee.

ok time to go home i’ve had enough. oh right, redd kross were perfection and their die hard fans are fun to watch.

not one comment while i was gone you guys are so mean! ok i take it back, erin did her commenting homework while i was shakespearing this post, just in the nick of time too.

went to the VICE party, name wasn’t on list, was cool enough looking to get in despite that, i know i rsvp’d i got a bounce back email saying name was on list, feh. two drink tickets, two vodka sodas, got a free copy of vice at least, kinda lame party cos everyone is too cool/insecure to chat each other up well ok i blame it all on me being a shy loser because yes if not for that there’da been line-ups to say hi to me. god toronto lighten up!

saw s-nicole and she showed me her rad bicycle accident scab i rifled through my bag to get her a unicorn band-aid, couldn’t find one, i know i put one in there yesterday cos i remember thinking that it would jinx me into scraping something. she was wearing a oh nevermind i’ll just show you this picture:

total babe right, babes make me say the dweebiest shit to them, thank god i’m not a dude. her blog is pretty dreamy, all fashion and romance and epic loftiness, quite fantastical, i stalk it. you can’t comment on it though. oh wait i just looked up lofty and turns out that’s kind of insulting, i mean the good part of lofty, and besides it’s like one of her favourite words, and i know this, because i stalkread her blog.

anyway i’m here killing time for a bit then i’m off to more all over city madness, i called gill, she was supposed to be at the drake, she answered the phone sounding like she had been brutally beaten up or kidnapped and hoarse-sounding in a closet, i think she was just sleeping finally. i feel like i am stalking gill cos i get updates from fil of her nxne activities and we send each other cryptic txt messages that are all warbled one-liners. oh man so many stalking admissions for one post.

saw some C-lebs, talked to no one and no one talked to me. i muchly enjoyed the 40+ yuppies in summer attire getting turned away from the patio private party on my way down, that part was worth the west end trip alone.

i love your face oh so much.

riza if you wanna hang-ten tonite call meeeeeeeee. radmad is down for it.