WOAH wonkette linked me!

day 3 of sick is so far the very worst whoever gave me this i hate you. fever hallucination dreams, sweat chills sweat sweat nose throat ears jaw everything aches you name it i may as well violently barf to make it complete. i dreamt there was an alternate version of dazed and confused over and over and over again and then some shit about that octuplet mother and my elementary school playground. right now i’m in bed, i can’t sleep yet can’t stay awake or do anything useful.

anyway that’s your update.

i can’t believe we don’t even have a thermometer.

my body is a furnace right now and the idea of anything makes me feel nauseous like how it’s made was just on and looking at huge pieces of wood going through a hydraulic bending whatever almost made me spew, how pathetic.

homemade soup fil made me last nite.

the cable box in the bedroom is frozen on the preview for that bad natasha lyonne movie crazy for love so i can’t even watch something, i froze that a few days ago i believe. that movie looks creepy cos she dates the guy who plays her brother in slums of beverly hills.

update: ooh casino is on thank fuck the next three hours are covered.

i feel a teensy bit gross now. note the coffee cup and the jaw grinding and the um, outfit i decided to wear.

but i wish this was me instead.

ugh day 2 is even worse this sucks i’m in bed with a sweat mustache it feels like the heat is on a million degrees screw this comforter ok now i’m on the couch much better hi. shit i feel high.

cid was pretty cool with playing prisoner, cats are #@%^* weird man.

ok here’s a quick and easy healthy lunch salad. that’s turkey bacon and it’s only a gram worth of fat per slice versus the typical 18g per depending on the brand you go with, i’ve seen 27g of fat per 2 slices, so bad. anyway, these are lilydale and very tasty and you still get that bloated sodium i just ate bacon satisfaction feeling in your belly afterward so you don’t feel like you missed out.

spinach, tomato, half jerk sauce dollop, half japanese ginger dressing dollop mix ‘em around and voila.

you will probably want to make more turkey bacon cos it’s that good. we also bought a package of maple smoked ham in the exact same shape/form as these, also extremely delicious AND even less fattening.

and feed the prisoner.

so fil and i were hugging with our pants off and cid was chillin’ on the end of the bed still wearing this and i guess he did not dig the noises we were making so he shot over real quick with a warning meow to let me know and was mere inches away from my face. can you imagine being mauled like that? i only laughed at him cos he was still wearing my shirt like a cape he darted over so fast it came with him hahaha.

anyway he almost spoiled the moment, the little saboteur.

what the hell is this post an homage to cid? jeez. he is rewarded and showered with attention over inane things like having one paw placed slightly in front of the other.

this is an oldie.

how awesome i looked yesterday ugh. the first day of being sick i always attempt to not look it, in-denial flu something or other but then i sweat through my makeup and my hair well, you’ve all been sick before you get it.

ring back much better fit that little asian lady was right.

had to reschedule tattoo touch-up for next week. it really isn’t as faint looking as it appears in pictures sometimes, i think that’s from my blond baby hairs growing back.

i have nothing left to say.

can someone please tell me why it is when i do wii fit like a fiend for days on end and eat right, i gain a few pounds but then the several days in a row i don’t do it and eat like a fucking pig i lose the few pounds+ ? i’m talking cheese bean dip chocolate meat and potatoes beer wine cake etc etc etc what the hell? but then when i go to tone my body and free step for a half hour daily and do sit-ups torso-twists and other stupid exercises i get heavier on the scale (visually though no difference other than chiseled toned torso) and don’t tell me it’s muscle gain cos you are full of shit.

i don’t really want to know the answer here i just wanted to brag about being a filthy lazy skinny pig.

i am so weak, i thought i wasn’t that sick i called renita to tell her lets do this tat thing i’m fine, we rescheduled for tomorrow anyway, but yeah i’m a weakling if you wanted to play a wimpy game of catch using a wiffle ball right now with me you’d asphyxiate from laughter choking.

next year i’m getting a flu shot.

so so so so entertaining yet makes me feel as nervous as watching figure skating.

oh great i’m developing a lazy eye now, awesome.

i’ll just keep my eyes closed then. look how dreamy and dewy laney looks god why can’t i be dewy too? yeah yeah i know it’s my makeup zzz…

we were to go to the dakota last nite (evidently it’s the happening place sunday nites but i wouldn’t really know as i am an old woman now) but the line was super huge, our cabbie was like yeah i just drove by there and no line then we roll up to 60 people standing around ha yeah thanks buddy so we tried it for a bit bumped into stanley who let us line-jump (thanks friend!) then said no thanks after shaking in the cold for ten minutes or so and went to crooked star to stand around awkwardly for a few and one of the bartenders we know is doin’ the joaquin phoenix beard look right now (brad you know this guy too) and i barely recognized him anyway no room there so we went to ted’s for a sure thing and good times were had. ‘cept for when everyone goes out to smoke man i can go on and on about how much i hate smokers i’m pretty sure it gets worse around that time of the month but anyway, you’re selfish fucks basically (we’re still buds though don’t worry -_-) and i didn’t make plans with you to hang out alone every half hour or so. you’re telling me i should just leave then? also, going to smoker’s homes repulses me too cos all my shit smells once i leave i have to plan like two outfits around this smoker’s house drop-in and immediately throw all my clothes in the wash when i get home, i never noticed how disgusting the smell of smoke on clothes was when i smoked but now i just ugh, can’t let it go.

anyway this was going to be the blog post about how fil proposed kinda went off the mark there for a sec um oh right well i had to play a few serious credit’s worth of spiderman pinball to cool off when everyone went out to smoke and i refuse to sit there alone with the people i just met and play hostess to them for you even though they’re great but i already did my song and dance when we first all got together and now you’re fucking off alright then that’s my cue peace.

so while i was angrily killing it at pinball i was privy to the most annoying conversation ever at the table down to my right. these spoiled university squares were arguing about alcohol and “what gets you” (?) and apparently the “what” that “gets you” is the carbonation. this one guy was scream repeating that over and over again so unless he was talking about not being able to drink as much as you’d like OR having a huge gut by the end of the nite, he’s a giant ignoramus. also he said that video phones are the wave of the future and that he only knows two people so far with these cell phones but seriously everyone’s gonna be doing it haha sorry someone’s watched too many episodes of total recall. another thing that pissed me off was this chick posed for a photo with him and her hood slammed my hand while i was double-balling it against doc oc (this post is just awash with coolisms right) um what else yeah i’m happy and in love everyone should get engaged.

so the place inevitably filled up and the music got louder (note to ted’s please stop drowning out people with your loud shit music why do you do that it’s so unpleasant i’m tired of coming out of there without a voice) and i saw irene on the floor with a candle, her friend lost her wallet and visiting from vancouver too hope that got sorted out. i felt a bit sheepish wearing my mushroom shirt it felt like walking into h&m and the dress you’re wearing is on the first mannequin you see anyway she was wowed by the ensemble and chastised my “fiancé’s” disdain for my new dress obsession.

before all this we celebrated fil’s sister’s birthday in the burbs, great dinner, great cake, great shitting pants stories, great vibe all around.

there was a third element to this gift too personal to add here sorry.

yeah, i’m goin’ there.

sorry* for the gratuitous ass just be thankful i somewhat censored these.

*actually, fully not sorry. happy family day ontariARiO! (and whatever other provinces)