i am at MTV right now

– like in the offices part at 1633 broadway

– they checked my bag when i came in

– my housemate works here

– the offices are funny

– today no one is around

– some dude took a chainsaw down the middle of his desk then spraypainted it with fluorescent green and orange colors

– they give me free coke here (cola)

– imagine the movie ‘office space’

– that is what it is like, except the cubicles are made of actual drywall and they are like mazes and some rooms have no cubicles at all

– i can see jersey from the window here

– on the 52nd floor

– we are editing this show my bf’s band played in chicago

– my eyes are fuzzy from watching three tv’s at once and the internet

– we’ve been ordering margaritas from this place on 53rd street, they actually deliver

i keep wondering if it is the monitor that is fuzzy or my vision.

Yes, everyone, i am still alive. thank you for asking.

sat’nite after margaritas this dude jesse and i decide to ride all around our brooklyn neighborhood on this bicycle straight from the 50’s with pink streamers on the handlebars – him peddling, me in back with a boombox blarin’ some oldskool funk. so close to wiping out when we took this corner and crash into three black kids on their BMX’s

how to be a tantalizing tomboy……..

i am eating pro greens green pills

they make my head explode

yesterday a fat lady walked into the toilet i was in and saw my pussy. she stared for a few seconds then slammed the door. i made a dorky,

“WAAAAAAAAAAyyyyyyyyyyyyyyHHHHHHHHHH……..”

sound and kept peeing. then she went to her table and told everyone what had happened, saying i didn’t lock the door, thus being my fault.

went to lucky cheng’s last nite and sang karaoke with anita cocktail the transvestite. she grabbed my boobs a lot and danced when i sang VOGUE and FERNANDO.

she tole me she weighed 217 lbs and called me a superstar.

i am hungover.

2 nites ago i dreamed i was watching television and there were all these assholes standing in my way so i

screamed out in my sleep I CAN’T SEE!!! my boyfriend thought i sed I CAN’T SLEEP and was all, “You ARE Asleep. SHUT UP!”

i always feel very embarassed when i talk in my sleep and get caught. cuz you have to explain what you said and you always look like a tool.

Ariel from Disney’s, The Little Mermaid turned me on. I always wondered

if

she had a pussy under her green gills and if she would ever take the

shells

from her tits off. I felt uncomfortable looking at beautiful women if

other

people were around. I was worried they could tell i was turned-on and

everyone was looking at me. It was different when i saw hot guys – i

stared

and gaped like a dirty old man and told everyone i had a boner. Never

with

women – they made me feel shy and stupid.

when i was 16 i dated a 29 year old –

– we were together for 6 months

– for the first month and a half of our relationship i faked a british accent

- finally i told him it was fake

– he was ok by that but a lil weirded out

– and that led to trust issues

more on this later

it is so effin’ H O T my hair puffs out into this weird shape on my head. i’ve taken to wearing a doo-rag scarf thing so now i look like a cancer patient. how nice. sometimes i can’t help staring at retards. i’m sure everyone does it. i kinda feel guilty for doing it but you know, can’t be helped.

i am the white diana ross