and now the dudes are linin’ up cos they hear we got swagger but we kick them to the curb unless they look like mick jagger

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shall we then…

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so many pics. ahh love being thrown back into the green tartan plaid cyclone again.

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here we come. we’re media i said at the gate when they tried to roadblock us. it was a day bender party so yeah. two best words in the social media venue event universe: we’re media.

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how touristy and cute.

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s h i t s h o w.

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we had a bodyguard. i was extremely shy out on the street like this. too much attention. but then EVERYONE had green accoutrements, boas beads, crazy dumb hats so i flaunted it like i was hot or something. basically i was wearing a slutty maid costume. WINNING. WON!

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i tricked people into thinking i was a nice girl like this. fools.

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catch this leprechaun and her pot of gold. i’ll grant you some wishes, i shall i will.

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later on after the shit show we had a cool down in the cab en route to central.

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our other boy accessory. i asked if he would be my protection or handler. he said no to one of those things but then when we got there it was a bit scary aggro drunk horny mobscene and i was the golden whore ticket so it was a good idea to keep close to the pot. isn’t it sad that my only st. patrick’s day knowledge/references are about leprechauns and pots of gold? ok fine, dublin, guinness my friend rob spence um rainbows cable knit sweaters mutton chops the cranberries bono wellies circle of friends and that’s about it.

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the young kid (i have no nickname for him yet) that i went up north with said to keep it up and messy that’s more milk maiden or lederhosenish. so i listened. good thing too cos as i was dancing like a fucking maniac i whipped my head all over the place and then the more sloppier messier sultrier it became, the looks i got holy jeez. me and casie both were a definite happening and THAT is how it’s done folks now on to the next station.

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jay edgar hoover (sort of his name) seen featured sandwiched between casie and i here looked at my blog a week ago and tweeted that it was equal parts WTF and FTW. (dad that means what the fuck and fuck the world)(hi i miss you dad!) so i retweeted it. boy, isn’t twitter FASCINATING right CASIE!

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i am a scary lizard woman thing. i think gator print makes my hands look older fyi ladies avoid LEATHER on your NAILS it’s just a continuation of your leathery old bag hand skin. VITAMIN E DATE!

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casie said we looked hot hipster cool.

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he’s a young boy too. casie and i are old punk coug madams. i call dibs on being heidi fleiss!

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holy crap how long was this cab ride and don’t you want to just drive me straight to the royal york?

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i was faking it.

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blurry tits i have tits. i am going to start dressing like snooki now and wear bras and teeny tiny tank tops and pad around like a bitchy blob. same routine, different outfit. i spilled myself up into the teacher’s place last night in my yoga pants and bra and then i realized how much more powerful i could be with a bra on. also i guess i could have just kept the irish maid slut get-up on too. hindsight is amazing. i was tired of wearing it though.

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ok lets blast through these it’s gorgeous out.

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still pretty fucking amazing though.

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i threw some skid rats out of the central bathroom a guy and girl like, what the hell were they doing in there he was gross long haired there were all these backpacks and she had a full pint and beer jug (!)(?) i’m like ARE YOU FUCKING MOVING IN GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW and i was dressed like this with my leather coat on and made all the girls scared in there. meanwhile casie is in the other stall cackling RAYMI HAHAHA I LOVE YOU AHAHAHHA BLAAHAHA i had my hand up like a tough guy on the door and went to this one girl “who is in there, is there a guy in there?” clem asked me to cos a girl ratted that a guy was in the bathroom and they were fucking. so we kick him out and then clem is like now go get the girl. she was this arrogant smart-alecky looking twat with a shorn buddhist haircut and her smug pint she goes yeah yeah i’m leaving hands up in mock surrender and then she hesitates to talk to her one friend who was trying to cover for them initially i go NOW GET OUT NOW YOU’RE NOT HAVING A LITTLE TALK IN HERE GET THE FUCK OUT NOW what the fuck are you moving in now and they start dragging all their backpacks holy mess retard hippies. i was like so classy that’s very classy of you you trash. yeah i got abusive. don’t care. lesson learnin’ coming at you don’t get crush fucked in my friend’s bar bathroom he could be liable for your drug stupidness plus it’s embarrassing go to the comfort zone next time. the one girl at first who was covering was like um do you work here? trying to give ‘tude which i IMMEDIATELY let her know that was a bad route to go with me (i scared her. she was shaking). i go answer the fucking question is there a guy in there or not? she goes i don’t know how to answer that. they’re all clearly on drugs. i was amazing is the moral of the story if you need me to berate, belittle and toss someone to the curb for you ever please do not hesitate to get in touch.

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some of my old custies/bros over there. hi adam and fatty! the best part of me tossing those burn outs out was afterward casie and i were mugging for the camera in the bathroom mirror in front of the one loser girl looking for her loser friends st patricks day loser hats and she was like that girl so doesn’t work here yet she kicked us the fuck out. clem was waiting outside the bathroom and heard my entire verbal smackdown. he said it was awesome.

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i mean, how much would it suck to get told off by this? muchly. then i get blog spotted by another guy and so i invite him and his friend to join us. friend copped tude. wuh oh countdown to raymi FLIP OUT.

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long story short he calls casie rude cos she was texting. um we don’t KNOW you, you joined US and you’re making assumptions based on how we look and how we have zero interest in anything you have to say and now you have the audacity to say WE are rude? who the fuck are you again? get the hell away from our table. blog spotter was kind of embarrassed but thought it was awesome cos this guy is an actual legitimate prick to all their friends and it was like pushing a boulder uphill to even get him out so there you have it i taught someone else a lesson. i did gavin a solid. you’re welcome.

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clem you should get more tats. how did the rest of your night unfold?

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raymi the nice girl.

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act 3, scene change. we paid a visit to a friend of casie’s.

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he left to get mix and we made ourselves comfortable. i walked in and bellowed YOU ARE ANAL RETENTIVE! you’ll see why.

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my underwear matched my shoes. bondage underwear. the only black booty shorts i own. casie you can borrow them.

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ok no more newds but, what about naughty? oh whatever we were having fun.

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next time i’ll keep my mouth closed.

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casie had green glitter in her hair i love it!!!

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anal messing with.

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which alter ego do i like best?

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this one i guess.

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i hold all the power this way. guys just go uh duuuuuuh ok.

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insatiable urge to clean a man’s clothes WHAT is WRONG with me? meh. if it looks good and serves a purpose (pin-uppy practice) then roll with it. always ask yourself is this marketable?

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unanimous yes.

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my torso is getting tiny.

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played it down with flats.

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ok so i’m going out tonight, maybe we’ll bump into one another. but be good though. ok, i’m ready now here i come, ta-da. yes. yes i’m wearing this. and so on. that’s kind of how it would go right, in a couple?

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time to go my fan club awaits.

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i even have bombshell teeth. i’m sorry, but it’s true.

ok i’ve had enough i’m showering now. xoxox