There is a face in my mind that I can face again

I must have been on tv again last night. Or, I must have done the right thing, person, or place. I just gotta vibe like more people be creepin’ they call it stats. Numbers don’t lie. But actually I know exactly why and it’s kind of embarrassing to figure it out after the fact but still amusing all the same and by golly I do enjoy watchin’ them numbers climb. Blogging is a sickness worse than junk I’d say.

There is a saying or a quote, I can’t verbatim it because I can’t remember it exactly and it is buried on a sticker stuck to my longboard but in any event it’s basically like the shortest line to success is a line of blow with the right person? Yeah. I think a line of blow with any person is the wrong person because that stuff is poison BUT there is merit to the meaning.

Just hanging out and exchanging ideas with someone, anyone, is helpful. I realize I have been very isolated lately and I totally lost who I was and that shit stops now. I am a pent-up angry f–ing Raymiac. Seriously. I have wasted almost half of my life caring what other people think of me. I care what you guys think ha! Can you actually believe it? Waste. of. time. No offense. Like if I want to make an amusing dark and exciting remark about blow, goddammit I will. it doesn’t mean I do it I shouldn’t care if it makes it look like I do, it’s just commentary.

Other than that I have felt like a specimen for/of ridicule for a very long time even though I know in my soul I’m legit I still have a nagging but what are they going to think or say deer tick bite feeling thanks to the stupid pukes what make up the majority of the internet.

And what I learned in Montreal is to chill the fuck out and lighten up. Those bohemian laid back a-holes were an eye-opener for me. They were like yo, relax, you’re a blabbity blah awesome as shit, young, empowered chick, other shit too I’ll keep for myself but essentially my eyes went all big. Own the awesome. Remember to at all costs. The city hardens you and you don’t have for real fun anymore.

I had it cranked to eleven the other night at the Garrison and Bech was like Lauren was wasted because I was dancing and hobnobbing. No I wasn’t! (Yes I was) But that is beside the point. I had fun because I super don’t do anything anymore so I can tell the difference between what sucks and what doesn’t but you can’t, you think things that rule suck.

There’s been some bad luck lately, some private things, stress, a fucking LOT of that it is in part why I’ve been kinda silent, not myself. Honestly when it rains it pours and then like everyone around you is jinxed and then there is the aftermath fallout. I think things are getting better now, I hope. In short, I have been going through some shit bro.

Boy does this ever feel super trivial now hearing about the Connecticut school shooting. Awful. Hi, gun laws please yet? You just destroyed a community just before Christmas, way to go. Sigh. I just spent twenty minutes surfing the webz all about that now, watching the live feed of the school.

I’m sure as more developments arise it will all be there on the internet waiting for me while I return to my navel gazing. Distract distract distract that is what I am here for.

Lovely Lois made me this oatmeal? it was a treat with special oil in it I forget the name of that helps your body release the fats (yeah right I don’t believe any of that shit) and she added this chocolate tasting special stuff that I also completely forget but maybe she will leave a vomment and tell you health freak dieters out there what it is. The blueberries speak for themselves.

I’ve never had french toast that looked like eggs still before. Delicious! You know my carb guilt but I ate it anyway. w/o syrup ain’t so bad plus it’s magic special fancy bread allegedly. See how dubious I am ha.

Sometimes work days go a little like this.

Capped off something like that.

I didn’t know my mom doesn’t like red wine. Her loss.

Thanks iYellow Wine Club for the amazing fete. Love Xmas vacay and Sonoma county cab Sauv (holla Gallo!) best time. I smiled the whole way through the movie and mouthed many parts of it, it was really fun getting drunk on the best expensive tasting red wine in a room full of winos it was a party and hilarious. Getting up for chicken wings in blue cheese and parmesan bites hooked up a little bit extra because I went on a date with the party server a decade ago about, no, 2004. He was an accidental jealousy trap and younger he recognized me first it was really amusing.

Amazing.

Had brunch with Tim. Discussed some NYE party thang-a-langs. I am bartending that joint and I’m going to have some Raymi specials on deck! Lauren O. is my sister ‘tender too so you know it is going to be a scene. I am not under or over-selling it but if you’re one of those idiots who’s always going wtf should I do on NYE and then you do nothing or have a tiny (boring) thing with your friends or you’re out raging multi-places, just drop in and say hi and do a shot with me or let me serve you and you better tip well I’m going to make pinnacle whipped cream shooters and get PBE to give me some cases and invent a whipped cream vodka playboy energy drink raymi speedball BOOM! Went to Tim’s bbq party during NXNE over summer, everyone knows this guy, his parties are legend, all kinds of bands I don’t know the names of will be there and probably (definitely) lots of local scenester celebs too. The theme is BE NICE so be nice assholes! Love you. I gotta demon in me and I just can’t set it free come witness. He wrote some nice crap about us too.

Okay back to how I have no self esteem lately haha. That’s over now. Raymisemo, the time of, now coming to a close. Nahh. You can never quit depression. You can’t.

Someone left me a shitty comment a couple months ago. Little Raymis can smell a shift in the Raymtrix and of course as I’ve kept mum they were all wtf about it. One in particular was like instead of all this phoney whatever shmultz I was pushing they said can you at least just tell us, something, anything, like if you’re sad I can’t recall it as I dealt with it like how I deal with all negative trolling, delete, but hi, I am not sad anymore, there. Happy?

This pose however makes me feel sad ahaha.

HOV party last night, it was the best. Always one drink in you’re a little skeptical but then you find your party legs and you say hi to that scenester you’ve seen around town for years and you say the stupidest thing imaginable as a convo-opener because you do not give a fuck about anything anymore and then you start enjoying yourself.

The bathroom line was never-endingly long it was nice to take a piss for the first time in hours next door at my beloved Salvador Darling and Tanya was a slice of heaven as usual.

Plus, Thursdays is buck-a-shuck oysters and they come from Oyster Boy. Genius.

Then we went to get Well. It was a great night for your hero I saw all my old pals I love them so much, missed them.

Melodie doesn’t age.

Nor Rebecca.

You know it’s a good night if it ends like this. TGIFrigday! XO RLW