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players only love you when they’re playin’

hello frenemies. i have not been on the back of a bike in a very long time. once you have the cow and all the milk for free you can kinda just send it out to pasture no? i stopped enjoying being taken outfor bike rides and then started getting really nervous, one time i squeezed fil’s ribs so hard on the qew i practically bruised them. we got off and he turned around and asked if i was nervous or something, oh, you could tell? well anyway, yesterday i re-learned that i really like sittin’ on the back of those things crouched over like a fucking monkey and i look pretty good too. you should try it.

there’s nervous parts like when you accidentally get on the highway i picture dying a thousand times and being run over by every single vehicle behind us (dad you should stop reading) while at the same time you’re like freeeeeeeeedom.

i kind of got super fucking sick of telling you how miserable i am so i decided to share it in real life instead. my new buddy stu who lives across the street from us was like do you write about it in this way cos it’s kind of beautiful. no, i don’t unfortunately, i write about it exclusively in this annoying manner that’s just like oh come on! anyway i decided to take a mini blog break not that anybody noticed except those who hate me.

dad wants me to move to burlington. fat fucking chance. i do have a great time when i’m here but the best part of burlington is that i get to leave burlington. and then come back. dad if we had a pool i’d consider it. also a better computer not my old POS laptop.

i stole this off someone’s facebook. it’s for you. starring you. about you.

holy shit i have a lot of photos stacked up i’m behind on. this is sunday night on mark’s condo rooftop. gorgeous view all around and hilarious scene of other condo owners drinking their booze remnants. americans need to experience a few sundays in a row in canada when the lcbo closes and everyone gets desperate. i wonder if we’d all be raging alcoholics if we had liquor access 24/7 every day of the week? or would we like, be normal?

the family had a yard sale that turned into drinking party. wicked. i slunk home and was like oh great they get to see this walk of shame, went up to my room got a pile of vintage dresses and brought them down. one sold and it wasn’t even vintage, nor my dress, it was casie‘s she gave me after the mtv party so i didn’t have to go home in that peach berserk dress. it got 4 dollars and it was a nerdy dress anyway. i’ll buy you a box of cereal casie and then i will eat it all myself. none of us are eating right now anyway cos of wakestock next weekend, speaking of which you can get ticket discounts using our blog promo code whatever that is like i pay attention to things what where am i, burlington?

password: partygirl limited time offer dudes. 3 day pass! collingwood. wakestock. public enemy! mEEEEE! jocks. sluts. bathingsuits. fights. blackout drunk. killer!

that awful weather on saturday toyed with my hair large. smart day to give yourself a bangs cut. i was desperate.

i’ve been going on a granola hangover brunch tour of the city. next i have to try the drake’s. this is the gladstone’s. very nice.

this is a million in the morning after a massive bender.

easy’s granola. tastier than drake’s but heavier. they don’t have mimosas but they have vodka for their caesars, so get them to make you a screwdriver with their amazing fresh oj then you won’t have to kill yourself.

craig and i have been pals since i was 19. he is kind of super irritating but in a comforting way? he’s friends with mark. this is about the time we were getting kicked out.

matching white shoes (reason for weird embrace shot) i hope he goes hipster cos he kind of dresses like a total doofus some of the time but he gets away with it cos he’s a normal guy in the i don’t care category. he doesn’t really “get” the whole white shoes thing right now, meanwhile he wears crocs. so…

sometimes i could just puke and puke with envy.

mark and his hot gf made us fajitas. such great hosts. i brought a bottle of tequila so i felt like i made something too. i made awesome.

saturday’s shitshow was unnecessary. i shoulda just went home. lesson learned. niagara street cafe is a black hole that sucks you in, hours feel like minutes. i stole that off kat’s twitter feed. way true.

time to go home, homo.

the beet salad at mitzi’s sister is sooooooooo good.

i always overpack when i come out here and then i end up going shopping. i essentially come out here to lose weight via tanning. tan. go shopping. watch tv with my dad. and dye my hair, which i will attempt once i fire this post out. i am super unhappy about that hairpin, too thick for my fine little hair, they fall out of my head then i walk by a mirror and see hair sticking straight out.

my dad can never get over how tall some people are. hey, do you like basketball? beast gave me a ride instead of flowers. works for me!

emo emo emo i’m so deep and dark i feel things immensely barf.

quick change into denim diaper at barangas. knew i’d sweat like mental in black jeans so i planned ahead. guy was jealous. helmet hairrrrr.

i went to salvation army to find a jacket even though i have fifty appropriate ones at home. no jackets were found so i wore my dad’s vintage stoner levi’s one. i used to wear this all time as a teenager. it is pristine. oh i just remembered i left a 20 in the pocket.

aha cool timing randy pulling up behind me. i thought my dad was going to be really nervous about us going out for a cruise like he was when fil and i would, i was half-dissappointed that he wasn’t.

shirtless to the last second no need to sweat unnecessarily.

anyway it was a good time. i wasn’t dying inside like he was worried about. we’ve been chatting awhile and basically don’t care if we date or not he just wanted to meet me because of my hilarious profile. i killed my account in the middle of a thousand pending retards wanting to hook up. done with internet fuckers. his friends are all awaiting my blog review too. ughhhhhhh. damned if i do damned if i don’t. if i don’t say things assumptions get made. if i DO say things ten billion more assumptions get made. maybe i should just start meeting women off the internet instead hahaha.

stu and trish and the rest of my sunday evening. trish and i went to elementary school together FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME. stu lives across my street. we went to some bar i forget the name of but is below whatever party we were at thursday nite (this week has been retarded, fully) and then the beauties guy showed up and i was like hey i’m the girl in your video the one with the ass musta been fun going through that footage hey?

so he has a bike AND is an engineer. what are the odds eh.

ginger too. my dad says his buddy bob has a theory about red heads. they have anger, moreso than the rest of us. um, can i get some scientific data on that please?


and now for the entire reason of my coming out of blog-hiding, my mom is driving me up the wall about this photo contest she’s in and deserves to win because she actually captures oakville on the daily, loves, lives, breathes oakville with her camera meanwhile some other dicks are in the lead for email-blasting their shots of themselves out so do me this solid and vote for Tracey W please christ so she can stop emailing me about it. here’s one of the shots:

photo 191

and the other

photo 225

she’s got tons more you can click on to get to the top of the pile but i feel these two are already winning so they may as well receive the brunt of your clicks. she has many more photos to see and vote for that are pretty epic, i’m awful proud of her photography skills even though she thinks i’m not. if she wins she will take me shopping and i will film/cover it all for you to see just how insane life with my mom actually is, the blowhans of blogging if you will.

vote for every tracey w photo you see PLEASE! like every 6 hours or something also go to my mom’s blog and talk to her about it, ask how you can help cos i got shit to do mang.

43 thoughts on “players only love you when they’re playin’

  1. BLOGGING BLOHANS? Geez,hope that doesn’t stick

    at tad less dysfunctional than the blowhans, funnier too!

    Thanks for the post, and the sweet photography sentiments

    and Thanks ahead of time for anyone who votes:)

    including you raymi ox:)

  2. did you sneak the 20 in your pocket because you were afraid this guy would “forget” his wallet too? =)

    i noticed you were in hiding btw. and i no hate you.

  3. i always bring money cos im not a moocher and you never know right? curly haired fuck paid for practically everything on our first date haha but i also found 40 on the sidewalk. who even cares anymore money comes money goes it’s all about company.

  4. women belong on the backs of harleys. not whiteboi crotchrockets. so solly

    women, they will come
    and they will go-oh-whoa-whoa

  5. dont be a racist unfunny shitstain firepower. harleys are for fat fucks or people who think they’re in 1970 still. crotch rockets are hot, killbill uma hot. youre just bored on a computer right now talking idiot, don’t be one alright i am premenstrual and will light you on fire.

  6. i, too, noticed your lack of postings . . . i just thought maybe you had better things to do, it is summer after all.

  7. no accusation of a racist unfunny shitstain holds more credibility than a a racist unfunny shitstain.

    if you take yourself and your bikeriding so goddamn serious – fuck off


  8. just realised that if you key in my name on the top right drop down box


    all of my photos come up, so knock yourself out voting!!!:)

  9. “i felt like i made something too. i made awesome.” HAHAHAHAHAHA just for that i’m going to go vote for your mom’s pics.

  10. don’t forget to warn everyone that the lcbo’s closed on monday! its your CIVIC duty. get it, civic?

    p.s. sport bikes are hot, but so are harley’s, they’re loud and thick and hardcore engines, and one of the few things that aren’t really capable of going out of style. the only way a kind of motorcycle can’t be hot is if its a scooter, which is not a motorcycle. sorry vespa wimps but its true.
    IMHO anyway.

    i noticed. but im on a blog break too, so pretty much i was like high five, cool life. :) hi!

  11. i voted for 16 pages worth of photos… confirming my votes was fun (about 58 photos I think.) What would you rate that on the devotion scale as far as setting a bar goes to catapult your mom’s photos to the top?

    Funny, Harley culture sucks a small, limp one. If I had my druthers… I’d ride the crotch rocket any day! That’s too easy.

  12. ok so i stopped reading your post half way thru because i couldnt stay that anticipation. im freaking out and idk what to do with my life, go to college, go some where and go to college there, get a job, get that dick???? idk. i know you’ve been what i’ve been thru, im 19 -_- i’m the girl that doesnt like your shoes but i’ve slowly grown to like them.

  13. Thanks to everyone who is voting, very sweet
    you put me on the second page with photo #191 making 167 votes and the other photos numbers are going up.

    The winning photos, with 2000 to 3000 votes are cheating with a mass email system.
    Yes its true people, the world will cheat to get ahead while the smaller talents get left behind.

    I enjoyed sharing my unconventional photos with “My Oakville”

    Keep casting those votes until August 2

    Its not over till the fat lady sings, ox

  14. I’ve been thinking about you.

    I’ve been reading for a certain span of time, and I think that of all the stuff that I’ve read about you from your blog, the thing that impresses me the most is that you worked at a hardware store for five years.


    1. You showed up for FIVE YEARS.
    2. Someone liked you enough to sign your paycheck for FIVE YEARS.
    3. Your coworkers put up with you for FIVE YEARS.

    I was going to think of FIVE THINGS to alliterate with FIVE YEARS, but whatevs.

    You have been mean to me, and I’ve been mean to you, but don’t ever forget that there is something about you that makes people keep coming back.

  15. wow, sorry about that stupid comment. Please don’t publish it. I voted for your mom’s pics

  16. Also, Harleys are Hells riding away from throwing a Molotov Cocktail. Sportbikes are coked up 15 year-old Colombians pulling up alongside a rivals Merc and dumping the clip.

    Both are bad ass, the question is, what’s your gangster?

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