Dear Raymi

well. i guess i am going a little manic. maybe. or more like finally. haha.

i want to come live here. maybe not in this house. but like here. or

mtl. just down the road. maybe after the -40 weather fucks right off.

so inregards to your question. yes. its really cold here. the real

temp is almost always below -22 and then the good old wind factor

comes in.

i read about the sex show on your site. and your thoughts. i doubt you

will look like a cow.

when i get home i want to start a band that makes people dance. like

an electrorokk dance band. with flashing lights. and synthesizers.

so far my best name for it is “spectator sport : 4010″ although the

number could be anything. 4010 has no real meaning. could be 123. 46.

888. etc.

if you have any suggestions please let me know. this guy theo

suggested “robo-france” which is good too. but hes a trip in itself.

like he told me “im leaving for this volunteer mission thing for a

year” so i stayed in town to see what was apparently his last

show with his current band before his mission. but insider information

had previously informed me that he was pussying out of said mission.

so i guess ill see when i get back. he SHOULD be gone by now. but if

hes not. hes totally in the band. (and a total piece of shit) haahah.

today we played checkers with shot glassess.

anyways. i HAVE to be home by the 16th of feb. cause i have tickets to

a show that day. but im sure ill talk to you before then anyways.

scott-o.

Dear Scott

secret mission thing eh sounds like that fucking christian cult crap

spooky

hope he didnt go to it afterall

spectator sport with the numbers i like for sure

but also robodance is brilliant also

i just saw that movie in good company where the guy is dating the girl and hes the boss of the other guy who is older than he is and i felt depressed afterward kuz he doesnt stay dating that girl and also he loses his job and then the older guy offers the job back to him and he is like no i want to believe in something bla bla and it ends with him jogging on the beach talking on his cellfone to the older guy

i dont want to watch realistic movies hollywood. i want to see big expensive marriages and babies and monogomy and everyone is skinny and happy and equally important and famous and wealthy and arty….

thank u for being optimistic about me not looking like a cow on that show i hope that you are right

i have not had an alcoholic beverage today so im blue and i am also on my period so my cat could even make me cry

my dad bought me a pitch pipe so i am walking around going deet, that was a D sharp. deeeeeeeeeeet that was a G. and so on.

here is a joke:

this guy got in a car accident and the whole left side of his body is totally wrecked but it’s ok now because he is all RIGHT.

uh huh huhuhh. my dad told me it.

bye

poplockin courtesy of runny nose.

so me and the cat hung out today and i put a pillow on the desk for him to sit on but because he is half retarded and half eccentric he had to walk around the laptop in circles and snort at me then dig through the pillow for a little while and drink some of my coffee and now he’s fucked off someplace i don’t know where.

my mum still refers to him as a “her” and it drives us mental.

i think i am going to start a cafepress account so i can sell you guys t-shirts with my shitty drawings on them so you can walk around and get laid because people will be impressed with you for wearing a t-shirt that your mentally-challenged little cousin gave you for easter.

millionaires club, here i come.

raymi says:

ok so there is this one guy named skiffy miffy and he has clouds for feet and he has

tourette’s syndrome

raymi says:

and a permanent milk moustache

raymi says:

and he is kind of like a bear, sort of

Jamie says:

and a pouch like a kangaroo that he keeps his wallet in, credit cards and such

raymi says:

right and he works at the newspaper kiosk in the forest

raymi says:

and he has a crush on these flying rabbit twins

Jamie says:

and he wants to go out to eat, but everywhere he goes, they tell him he can’t come in without shoes

raymi says:

because sometimes his shoes disappear especially on sunny days

Jamie says:

he wants to take the rabbit twins on a date

Jamie says:

no

Jamie says:

he can’t find good shoes

Jamie says:

because he has could feet

raymi says:

and kuz of his tourette’s syndrome he is always screaming FUCKING WHORES when he doesnt mean to and it scares the flying rabbits and they fly away

raymi says:

well he prefers cloud shoes

Jamie says:

and the shoe salesmen too

Jamie says:

cloud shoes for cloud feet

raymi says:

but then one day one of the flying rabbit girls visits the newspaper stand

raymi says:

no he has normal feet

raymi says:

it’s just that the shoes are clouds

raymi says:

ok fine his feet are clouds too

Jamie says:

you started it

Jamie says:

but okay

raymi says:

ok anyway the one rabbit has the courage to visit skiffy miffy because she has a drinking problem

Jamie says:

his feet are normal magical bear feet

raymi says:

and she is an abrasive drunk so she goes there all cocked and when he calls her a fucking whore she is like whatever skiffy you are so cute i love you bla bla bla

Jamie says:

the other rabbit warns her

raymi says:

oh and the currency of the forest is gummi bears, not money

Jamie says:

yeah, the drunk rabbit kind of likes it

raymi says:

totally

raymi says:

and her name is frosted flakes

Jamie says:

the magical bear cloud footed thing gives her his credit card to go get more booze

raymi says:

and she broke her wings because she flew into a cliff one day

raymi says:

so she gets her sister to fly for her

raymi says:

this story is awesome by the way

Jamie says:

“here ya go frosted flakes, pick up a bottle of elderberry wine. I can;t go to the liquor store because they don’t like me swearing all the time”

raymi says:

so she gets her sister to go but doesnt tell skiffy because she is ashamed of her broken wings

Jamie says:

the sister flying rabitbird says, “screw you and your abusive magical bear friend. I’m not gonna buy you booze”

raymi says:

and her name is cupcake tits

Jamie says:

frosted flakes begs her because she says that she finally found true love and why do you wanna ruin everything for me all the time?

raymi says:

but she is jealous of the budding love of skiffy and frosted flakes

raymi says:

so she takes the credit card with the unlimited gummi bears on it and buys a ticket for a cruise ship holiday in the caribbean

Jamie says:

so she agrees o buy the booze, but on the way back puts a magical potion in it

Jamie says:

oh

raymi says:

oh ok i like what u said better

Jamie says:

well, she can deliver the magical potion, and then go on a cruise

raymi says:

ok

raymi says:

the magical potion wine makes skiffy forget that he gave out his credit card and also makes him turn into 5 screaming skiffys

raymi says:

like multiplicity

Jamie says:

and they all have cloud shoes, and are runing around the forest cutting their feet on rocks

Jamie says:

but they don’t swear when they cut their feet

Jamie says:

they recite poetry becasue it’s some kind of weirdo opposite tourettes effect

raymi says:

and then frosted flakes is totally turned off by the skiffys and breaks up with all five of them

raymi says:

and dates the flying squirrel instead because he can fly her around to help get her grocery shopping done

Jamie says:

and goes home to fine cupcake tits

Jamie says:

but she’s away on her cruise

Jamie says:

but comes home all skinny and tan

Jamie says:

with a monkeybird that she met on the cruise

raymi says:

and cupcake tits gets found by some snotty nose boy and he asks his parents if he can keep her and they are like fine whatever

raymi says:

oh ok ignore what i said

raymi says:

i was gonna make it so she has a love affair with the little boy and go that whole beastiality angle

Jamie says:

and frosted flakes is drunk and makes a pass at the monkeybird

Jamie says:

go where you wana go…i’ll follow

raymi says:

what does the monkeybird look like

raymi says:

well i like that all these things are happening

Jamie says:

the monkeybird looks like a monkey and a bird

raymi says:

hmm

Jamie says:

he has on a hawaiian shirt

raymi says:

his name is henry

raymi says:

and he smokes gitanes

raymi says:

and he can speak russian

Jamie says:

yes, and his nose is a long french beak

Jamie says:

and he thinks frosted flakes is sexy

Jamie says:

and takes the flying squirrel aside and asks if he’s interested in wife swapping

raymi says:

and cupcake tits is super pissed off

Jamie says:

but frosted flakes likes the idea

Jamie says:

so they start to fight

Jamie says:

“you’re just jealous because i found a rich european gentleman, and you want to steal him away”

Jamie says:

and frosted flakes says, “no. i just think it would spice things up around here”

raymi says:

and cupcake tits unveils her secret magical power which is shooting lightning bolts out of her rabbit ears

raymi says:

pink lightning bolts

Jamie says:

and frosted flakes used to have magical powers too, except she drank them all away

Jamie says:

so she’s at a distinct disadvantage

raymi says:

but for some reason all the guys are hot for her

raymi says:

it’s because of her spunky personality

Jamie says:

and her sexy outfits

raymi says:

but then cupcake tits shoots a pink lightning bolt at her head

raymi says:

and she dies

raymi says:

the end

Jamie says:

and she cracks wide open

Jamie says:

oh

Jamie says:

i was gonna say there was a little worm inside

raymi says:

well wait. to be continued……..

raymi says:

hahaa

Jamie says:

how about the worm teaches them the meaning of peace and brotherhood

Jamie says:

and the moral of the story is:

Jamie says:

no good ever came from drinking

Jamie says:

and no bad ever came from not drinking

raymi says:

hmm that sounds christian

Jamie says:

okay

Jamie says:

how about

Jamie says:

inside every lush, there’s a worm

raymi says:

how about a volcano erupts and the whole forest is covered in hot lava

Jamie says:

yeah, creme cheese lava

Jamie says:

hey whatever happened to cloudfoot? i forget

Jamie says:

cause maybe he can walk on the lava because of his cloud shoes

raymi says:

oh he was captured because some campers saw him and thought he was one of those bigfoot things and now he is in a japanese zoo

Jamie says:

scattered in five different asian zoos

Jamie says:

because there were five of them

i am so mad at myself right now. i was just talking to some random dude from toledo on msn who somehow got on my list and i told him to tell me something that he had never told anyone else before and he said that he let some guy give him anal and this was right after he said no when i asked if he was gay. anyhow, i’m mad because i accidentally closed the conversation before cut ‘n pasting it because i wanted to put it up here. i was all, don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.

pffft.

and now he won’t stop talking to me.

he’s like tell me something now and i’m like dude i don’t haaaaaaaave any secrets, i tell everything to everyone. yawn.

Sex (I’m A)

by Lovage

Dan, i need you now!

ok Mikey.. come!

feel the fire

feel my love inside you so bright

there’s a sound and the smell of love on my mind

i’m a toy

come and play with me, say work now

wrap your legs

around me ride me tonight

sex, sex, sex

i’m a man

i’m a goddess

i’m a man

i’m a virgin

i’m a man

i’m a blue movie

i’m a man

i’m a bitch

i’m a man

i’m a geisha

i’m a man

i’m a little girl

i’m a man

and we’ll make love together

why does man go to hooker

first of all because

he quite often is not all that happy and sexual satisfied at home

his wife won’t perform all the activities he has in mind

and most of all, oral sex is a taboo

the woman would say “what do you think I am, a whore

i don’t want to do that!”

slip and slide when you’re where you like to feel the blood flow

not too fast

don’t be slow my love’s in your hands

i’m a man

i’m a boy

i’m a man

i’m your mother

i’m a man

i’m a one night stand

i’m a man

i’m a bi

i’m a man

i’m your slave

i’m a man

i’m a little girl

i’m a man

and we’ll make love together

most of them come to a hooker and say

“my wife oh my wife is she dead in bed

she’s frigid, cold as a starfish!”

they take off the pants

and their underpants

there’s nothing more ridiculous than a guy with his party socks on

he dives into the bedroom

he says “do me!, suck it!”

skin to skin

honey hold tight

come inside it’s a passion play just for you

let’s get lost in the magic place alone now

drink your fill from a fountain of love wet your lips

i’m a man

i’m a teaser

i’m a man

i’m a virgin

i’m man

i’m a one night stand

i’m a man

i’m a drug

i’m a man

i’m your slave

i’m a man

i’m a dream to find

i’m a man

and we’ll make love together

i’m a man

i’m a goddess

i’m a man

i’m a hooker

i’m a man

i’m a blue movie

i’m a man

i’m a slut

i’m a man

well i’m your babe

i’m a man

i’m a dream to find

i’m a man

and we’ll make love together

we’ll make love together

we’ll make love together

we’ll make love together

we’ll make love together

fuckin piece of shit

one little two little three little indians

suck it firehose

raymi says:

aw man when is winter over

raymi says:

did u guys get a lot of snooooow

Jamie says:

kinda

Jamie says:

but not as much as they said

raymi says:

we got a tooooon

raymi says:

ton

Jamie says:

really?

Jamie says:

how much?

raymi says:

i dunno

raymi says:

a lot

Jamie says:

i wish we got more

Jamie says:

i wanted to be snowed in and not be able to get any food and then write a sad note before dying of starvation

raymi says:

you are so dramatic you should be in a soap opera

Jamie says:

i AM in a soap opera

raymi says:

and all of your electicity goes away and so your only entertainment is making things out of toothpicks

raymi says:

you WISH you were in a soap opera

raymi says:

i would be good in a soap opera

Jamie says:

you are already in one too

Jamie says:

yes, i would start to get stir crazy and begin acting things out with little toothpick people

raymi says:

and then you would think they were talking to you

raymi says:

well i mean a professional soap opera on televsion that has been on air since the 80s

Jamie says:

that takes place in a funnny sounding rich town like Sunny Oaks

raymi says:

how many times can people die and come back from the dead go in a coma and then have their father’s child like come on!

raymi says:

they need to modernize those shows

Jamie says:

i think they tried

Jamie says:

isn’t there one with all young people?

raymi says:

like, kenny’s heart exploded from too much blow while sarah got knifed for being bitchy at the local dancehall

raymi says:

yeh but they are stupid white people

Jamie says:

they need more VD

raymi says:

and the characters need to be middle class

Jamie says:

yeah, why are they always rich?

Jamie says:

what’s the point of that?

raymi says:

and who wears a tuxedo everyday?

raymi says:

fucking loser

Jamie says:

you should write one

raymi says:

my soap opera would be called, “the scream and the screamers”

raymi says:

what are u doing i am bored talk to me go read the science fiction conversation i

had on my blog

Jamie says:

i’m busy

Jamie says:

i can talk

Jamie says:

but i can’t read

Jamie says:

i read about the tv show

Jamie says:

that was funny

raymi says:

why are u busy

raymi says:

busy doing what

Jamie says:

i watched that whole epic thing

Jamie says:

it was dumb

Jamie says:

why did you make me watch that

Jamie says:

i hate you

raymi says:

because it makes me look smart and informed to have that link on my website

Jamie says:

as i watched it, i was thinking: did raymi really sit through this whole thing??

raymi says:

no i didnt i sat thru maybe half of it, i dont know what happens after 2007

raymi says:

i guess ill just have to wait until 2007 to find out