I went grocery shopping wif my mum tonite at Loblaws. We don’t go out much together anymore. but when we do I like to pretend i’m her autistik daughter or i am retarded, have ADHD, or whutever…she tries to take off on me when i am not looking. I found this big bouncy ball and followed her frum the butcher to the bakery…to the dairy section. I kept bouncing it against the cart and the back of her knees so it would make her knees pop forward. She asked to see the ball and then launched it far, far away into an aisle wth a fierce kick. ” the more you resist mum, the more i dish it out.” so, she continued to ignore my stoopid acts. Everytime She asked me to grab an item off a shelf i would bend down with my plumber’s crack to pick it up. still no response. meh. Oh yea, i forgot to mention that i grabbed this cream-coloured blanket frum off the couch and wore that insted of a jacket. No, not in that sexy, pashmina style…think, Granny style…yes, that’s more like it. My mum was not impressed with that. “HEy, I was comfortable watching Seinfeld! You’re the one who asked if i wanted to come!” Also, my hair was all sticking out and looks real dark today. My mum wants me to be a blond. whuddevir. Then I found wun of them slinky animal slinkies. I walked arownd bopping my mum on the head with it and getting it all tangled up and ruined so she had to pay for it. harF!! We then passed the display of these Elmo dolls that are electronic and move around when you pinch their hands. OH BOY!!! I got them all going and exclaimed;”Hey mom, look at that!” I turn to see my mom zipping away and like two cashiers giving me dirty looks. hummph. Throo all of dis, my mum STILL would not react. Until……..
we get to the check-out lane and the Titanik themeSong comes on over the soundsystem and I jump onto our cart, and lipsynch to the part, “WE’LL STAyyyyyyyyyy……, fffFOREVER THIS WAY!!!!!! YOU WILL STAY IN MY HEART AND MY HEART WILL GO ON AND OooooooooHHHH!!!!!!!!” using my coke bottle as a microfone. by then, I had generated a small audience. So, my mom grabs my arm and hisses, “That’s IT! GO WAIT IN THE KAR!!!” and so i did. but, i made sure to kiss these two plastik santa lawn ornaments on my way out.