i’m drunk off one glass of wine i refuse to not drink when sick i smite you sickness! anyway i just spent the last ten minutes arguing with fil about nutria and how i know they exist because of that show insomniac (we just watched dave attell’s captain miserable (favouritest comedian)) but anyway the point of this post is to tell you guys about how i figured out how to get fil to stop pissing me off whenever he’s doing something bad like tickling me putting his balls in my eyes farting on my lap and so on, all i have to say is I’LL DO SOMETHING YOU WON’T LIKE! and he screams NOOOO DON’T DOOO SOMETHING I WON’T LIKE! and immediately stops doing whatever heinous act he is amidst doing. in his anal uptight easy to upset sagittarius (you’re welcome leslie) mind when i make that vague threat he thinks the most alarmist of things like i’m going to:

STICK MY FINGER IN MY VAGINA (and i’m on my period) AND WIPE IT ON HIS LEG (ok i may or may not have already done that once as a joke) (he deserved it)

UN-HANG ALL OF HIS CLOTHES

TAKE EVERYTHING OUT OF HIS WALLET AND PUT THE CONTENTS SOMEWHERE “WACKY” (i know super harmless and no big deal right? WRONG!)

SMACK MY LIPS A FEW TIMES AND SIGH A LOT

LIE ON THE FLOOR AND SING IN FRENCH WEARING ONLY A T-SHIRT

you get the idea, anyway, if your bf is like fil, just threaten him that YOU will DO SOMETHING he WON’T LIKE and he’ll fuck right off asap, i promise.