BONER OF THE WEEK GOES TO ZOOEY DESCHANEL

everytime i am watching a movie with fil and she’s innit i turn to him and witchily accuse him of having a fucking crush on her a hundred times and by the end i am so psychotically irrationally jealous i want to jump through a wall of fire i mean a fucking brick wall, AND it’s on fire so i am ensured to get all fucked up from the bricks and then set on fire for additional pain.

anyway this bitch is scary and i like that, you can’t tell if she has down-syndrome or like a higher essence of beauty that the rest of us lumpheads haven’t discovered yet.

her voice drives me a little crazy too – it’s all deepish and highish at the same time, and she seems to be really smart and if i met her i would lose the chip on my shoulder immediately. in that winter movie with will ferrel she’s sitting on her windowsill in her underwear and a t-shirt after a nite of coke and her scaggy theatre friend comes over and tries to kiss her and she says PLEASE LEAVE and he does and i swear to christ my vagina opened up like one of those venus flytraps in little shop of horrors. she also seems like a big drinker and we all know my fondness of le drink and girls who swim in sauce i would totally let her punch me in the face and then stand there laughing and pointing at her like i “get it” all the while my teeth are busted.

also, i bet if she walked in a room and someone was shooting up she’d be all i don’t give a care and eat some skittles and watch the tube like her grandma was on her way over.

sometimes her hair is all crazy cave lady junky-looking and i’m like ps. can i live in it? ok this is getting borderline stalky now bye.