last nite at the bovine there was this tall skinny goth guy wearing a dress and he wasn’t even boozing, he was waiting for someone who wasn’t ever going to show up or he was just waiting for people to pay him attention. he kept switching seats too and his hair looked just like the scarey guy’s hair from mortal kombat, a ponytail on the top of his head. dude kept putting on more make-up. i felt really sad.

fil asked me if i had ever taken anyone dressed like that home before and i said NO.

with regularish dressed people it’s like a mystery whether or not they are whiny poetry writers who cry in fetal postions if you don’t call them every 30 minutes but with people dressed like that it’s a friggin’ omen like, don’t waste your time, it’s their gift to you so it’s best to accept it.

the same goes for people who have multiple piercings in their face or places on their body where they don’t need to be.

it’s fine and all that you prefer being abused and shat on then stabbed with broken glass, but you don’t have to let us all know all the fucking time about it, dinkus.

if i see one more fat girl leading around a skinny loser guy with a collar/chain, my hair is going to set on fire and i am going to push them both in front of a taxi.

dood even smeared his red lipstick across his chin a la courtney love after he spent a good 3 minutes applying it to his stupid lips.

I HATE EVERYTHIIIIIIIIIIING RAWRARARARWR LOCK ME UP!

eryn is in san diego and i am jealous.

last nite was the last pub nite ‘cos it’s been sold ‘cos it’s been losing money so now it will most likely turn into plastic food and beer with a silver table top bar in the middle of the room and when they take the wallpaper down, all of the drywall will come down with it.

some of the photographs are listed on ebay and going for thousands.

i felt like being a stealer, well, everybody did, but everything was screwed to the walls and we have enough junk anyway and not like a framed black and white photo of the queen of england is going to enhance my life in any shape or form.

and now i am going to talk about fat and lazy.

i am not as skeletor as i was during the summer and this is because of the weather and for some reason my metabolism slows down and everything i eat turns to fat and stays on my body ’til maybe spring when i get psycho over starving myself and drinking water and longboarding my face off and tanning just to wear a bikini top and hoard it over everybody else for a little while, how dumb is that.

and as much as all i am talking about these days is nothing more than i am fat my thighs are huge-ungous ew gross my arms look at my chin in that photo…

this time around, i don’t care about it as much.

like i care et all but it’s more of a I AM FAT RIGHT NOW BLARAHAHAH type thing like i am riki lake even though i am only 5-7 lbs more than before.

women are FUCKED like that.

no matter how cool you think your girlfriend is and comfortable in her own skin and all those dumb lies you think about her in the beginning stages of your relationship, it will turn into her being a crazy skinny obsess monster and she will spend her days and nites plotting on how to be a skinnier version of herself but then maybe not actually doing anything about it until she is planning to dump your ass and move on with her life as a skinny and then you have to sit around saying why me forever and ever and so what, she is with somebody else but she is just gonna turn all fat again with them and if she actually wants to stay with the dude then she has to be drowning in her fat-insecurities all over again and stay skinny just to keep the guy.

at least i am smiling more though in my head i am thinking I AM SO FAT RIGHT NOW.

pssssssssh.

oh and ps.

skinny people are not even happy then they are like excuse me i am skinny right now and nobody cares hello skinny over here!

AND they are bitchy because they don’t eat carbs and they go psycho and when i say they i mean ‘i’

the end.

so i’m gonna be on the orgasm show and fil is gonna be on a separate taping the following week where they discuss positions.

i guess the chick saw that i would be holding back information if fil and i were on the same episode, out of respect and awkwardness?

during the audition once she flipped on the camera and said ok lots of energy, be anecdotal, my mind went blank and it was like my sexual past was non-existent, like i was a flippin’ nun so in my mind i sounded like i was listing off everything i might know about sex like i had read it off some website.

it was the room and the lighting and the sobriety i blame it on that.

you are allowed to say cock and the f word i was amazed.

A M A Z E D by that and began to speak like napoleon dynamite.

so we watched the show last nite to do our research and everyone on it was lame and it’s pretty much a show for yuppies and we aren’t even allowed to wear stripes or the color black and they are drinking martinis, the women, and the men get to drink beer and they probably won’t let me drink beer because i’ll ruin the ladylikeness allusion but still i’ll demand beer anyway or wine.

and i’ll probably come across as a bitchy know-it-all, well, i hope that i do.

like, BOOORING sisters, i did that 5 YEARS ago HELLLOOOOOO!

i am not going to plug my site and they don’t even use the panelist’s names so whatevs.

the form we had to fill out was funny.

there was a do you have anything extra you would like to add/tell us?

i put that i was a horny asshole.

Eh, see the image. Did you really intend to have two < hr tags there?
The dark one looks fine, but the plain one makes it look weird.

I know it’s been like that for a long time, but I love website design

and I think it would look much better without the grey bar, and I can’t

not say anything anymore.

I’m finally going to finally do the website for my boss, finally, too.

James

chicken skin

it is the best

in my opinion

i wait ’til no one is milling around the kitchen and then i go into the whatever container of chicken and take off all the skin and eat the hell out of it and then i put the chicken breasts back in the container with no skin leftover and put it back in the fridge

though if i am feeling generous i will leave tiny skin fragments sometimes

chicken meat is boooooring

if i am eating the skin off of a drumstick i make a special allowance and eat the drumstick ‘cos not eating it is just plain rude

and when i am eating the skin

but only if it is the crunchy fried skin

i think about the three amigos the movie

when they are eating bats over the fire in the desert and they sound all crispy and crunchy

and so when i eat chicken skin i pretend i am eating fried bat wings

and then i think about the He-man movie that came out to rental when i was 4 or something and they are in america somewhere and they get a bucket of chicken and the one girl cannot believe that humans eat chickens, like, animals

she just couldn’t get over it

and because i was 4 years old roughly i put eight and five together in my head and realised hey IT IS POSSIBLE that i have eaten a CHICKEN

fantastic

so the next day at dinner i asked my family if it was true that we eat animals and because we were eating meat at the time they lied to me and said no

so i pressed

and demanded to know immediately where meat came from

was it grown did they make it from stuff how did they make it then why are there so many different kinds of it

it was a very ward moment

so in any case they shut me up and i believed for a little while that meat did not in fact come from animals until grade one or two when we learned about food groups

and then i have to admit

i was really PISSED OFF

and thus concludes my chicken skin manifesto the first

oh and i use to ask for more weeds which meant beans, as in string beans

though at least i said please

i had manners once upon a time

it’s true

f the souf

fil and i just destroyed a whole bag of microwave popcorn.

we were planning on starving ourselves today to maybe three days but the shit didn’t last.

it was a small bag of popcorn anyhow.

and now we are eating no name processed cheese slices.

i’d like to buy a WHITE TRASH.

thank you.

we just got back from band practise.

the drummer’s son is two-timing these two girls.

drama. gossip.

fantastic.

i thought i was a pretty good singer ’til tonite.

fuckheadsssssss.

i’m going to sign up for a music class and master the art of the triangle and then i am going to take over the world.

fil is worried we are not going to be attractive enough for this dumb sex show interview.

and now i am worried too so we are going to iron our denim pants to make creases down the front to distract from any and all potential not-prettyness.

seen!

that’s enough OCD for now.