for some reason i thought those bloomer-style underwears were the shit as in dead-sexy and cute. that was back when life was like, trash-city.

anyway, last nite i didn’t make it ’til dave chapelle, i fell asleep on fil and he got up to go to bed and then called me over and i was in a sitting up position with my arms folded into my body like an old man or a troll.

and then i dreamed about the big bottle of apple juice that fil bought, oh excitement! we had gone to the company and were complaining about the size of the bottle. (one of those bulk-size ones that housewives buy for their 7 children) i said bitch it’s like holding a mountain to my face and trying not to spill it all over myself. i was demanding several smaller bottles.

then i dreamt of other crap involving violence and floating and candy, i dunno.

we recorded at band practise last nite. can’t wait to hear how stupid and warbly i sound.

my comeback of the evening is as follows:

“oh, did you drink a cup of smart-ass on your way over?”

i am the best. me!

i just wasted several minutes going through my archives and it has inspired me to cut my bangs shorter, to never get fat and to never have a lesbo short haircut and to also maybe do something more with my time, like, crochet stuffed animals and donate them to the red cross or maybe learn a valuable trade.

last nite was very jackass.

i got shot in the ass with an industrial airgun. fun, i know! i have a welt too. fil got shot in the face with an oily rag. he was wearing a face protector visor whatever though. we were shooting pyramids of beer cans in martin’s shop and then exploding those bullets and adding hot glue to nails and screws and making spears out of metal rods.

being safe is boring.

i wasn’t expecting being shot to hurt though, i thought martin was making a dinky little tape ball but no it was dried glue in the shape of a bullet with duct tape on it and here i am standing there feeling all heroic and brave and then UUUUUUUUUUNGGHGHGH AHHHHAHHH my fucking ass! it hurt so much i felt like vomitting.

i just got a major out of nowhere urge to eat a huge hamburger.

you know one of those greasy ones from some ghetto mom ‘n pop diner? ya one of those.

and i never have hamburger cravings, not until i am out at a restaurant and i end up ordering the special that is usually unrewarding and then whoever i am with orders the burger and i won’t shut up until i am granted a bite out of it and then three more bites after that and then i promise myself that the next time i will order a burger and i never do.

if i don’t eat a burger right now i will cut off all of my hair!

the shining was on last nite. i think i mentioned to fil that i use to have hair like that danny kid at least twenty times.

yesterday during a coffee and sandwich break we were lucky to witness an 8th grade date and it was so awkward and depressing and lacking of fun i wanted to go over there and offer them some drugs. not that i would actually do that, you know, of course not, still, something made me want to help enhance their saturday coffeeshop get together.

at least if they smoked cigarettes they could run off and do that together and that could be their whole day right there.

these kids were actually polite. not even swearing.

however, they were hating on all the rich kids they go to school with and then the girl said she couldn’t wait for summer so she could go camping and the boy straight ‘dissed her by saying that would be too rustic for him.

he was a tiny little puke anyhow and she was already growing breasts and should have been sneaking away with some boy two years older.

i’m going to be a good mom.

going to a cross-dresser’s art show tonite. an in-secret cross-dresser. ooh scandal. pfft.

this could be yours, oh yes.

i seriously have to do laundry. i just opened a backpack full of dirty dog smelling clothes in the hopes of a few clean treasures stuffed in there. no dice. so now i have to be inventive with my outfits and put things together that are clean but shit i haven’t worn in quite a long time and try and pull it all off as hip. what a loser.

also i think it’s time to visit the dentist. i haven’t been since i was 18. i had my tongue pierced then and i was afraid to go ‘cos i thought he would give me shit for having my molars chipped from the barbell so i avoided going and now after a ’bout of severe self-involvement in the bathroom just now, i have discovered that i am able to chip tiny tooth-slivers off of my teeth using just my finger nails.

that’s just great.

maybe i should have dentures and get it over with.

This Devil’s Workday

this dinkus was on the megatouch machine all nite long so fil and i were forced to talk to each other. speaking of fil i will be writing on his blog the next couple days because he went to indonesia to get sneakers.

today is st. paddy’s day and this means i will be 2/3 more drunk tonite than i usually am. me!

i’m about to wash my hair to see what my DIY bangs will look like after a rinse and blow-dry. i pointed out the hack job to my brother and he said oh my god you’re retarded and i said whatever man it looks coooool!

one last look at retard hippie no bangs hair, ya’ll.