today i had zero booze. yeah. but i’ve felt awfully fucking bored. i did four minutes of sit-ups. pffft. i watched pretty much ten hours worth of television straight-through and the movie cellular twice. also that movie called don’t tempt me with penelope in it, what a hot bitch she is. i’ve been tip-toeing around clutching my finger and whispering “ow” to no one in particular. i think all this indoor time has made me loony because during fresh prince and that 70’s show i would walk into the office and repeat to fil all of the parts that made me laugh except when i said them it wasn’t in english and of course he did not laugh. anyway whatever i’m a friggin’ comedic genius. this is the first non-booze day in a very long time. i can’t believe i still have a functioning liver. i also watched austin powers. name anything on tv and i probably watched it today. i think i only blinked three times today. i am so wired i could stay up forever and ever. oh yeah we went on fil’s bike to my house to steal food out of the freezer because we ran out of food stamps. ok bye. oh wait look at the unicorn orgy!
my left pointer finger is so totally fucking in pain and useless and now i can’t pick my ear as maniacally as i want. it will probably need to be cut off and sold on ebay.
i’m actually pretty worried about it, the pain is pretty bad and it feels like my finger muscles are on fire and eating at my finger bone. last nite it didn’t hurt because of the bucket of gasoline booze what was dinner that i consumed but now HOLY FUCK!
i have to do something about my drinking, not stop altogether (but i should) but definitely tone it down. this is what i drank last nite:
4 glasses of red wine, possibly 5
4 martinis, 2 ounces each
3 shots of gold
1 beer
1 vodka tonic
my head is retarded right now, i had some clever things to say but it hurts to think/type them out.
last nite i thought i was hotshit and was all over this picture but now i’m not so sure. my face looks weird. my dad was out with us last nite also. he’s a lot of fun. he said i gained weight though. so i’ve decided to finally fucking lose some weight. yesterday i went through a bunch of photos from last summer and man i was skinny so i want to look like that again. once i’ve slimmed down enough i am going to reward myself with a tattoo.
i burnt the fuck out of my hands last nite while making chicken strips and cried like a stupid baby on the couch for an hour. i have third-degree burns. fil was laughing at me of course because he is an insensitive bastard.
here’s what you do when you are having dinner with a bunch of people and there are several conversations going on around you but you aren’t a part of any of them and you and one other person are the only ones not engaged in conversation and you know at any minute that person is going to start talking to you but you don’t have anything to say, tilt your head back and forth from both conversations going on and act like you are already participating. it helps if you smile too. smiling is like talking for deaf people.
last nite, fil and i watched hide and seek and during a scary intense part fil leaned over quick and went BWAAAAAH! and it made me shoot beer everywhere out of my bottle like a champagne explosion and most of it got on him. fucker.
