hey it’s my mom and look how happy she is because i gave her one of my books for her birthday!!! we went out for lunch yesterday. i paid. i wrote in her card that even though she is cuckoo she is still the greatest. her real birthday is on sunday and she will be turning 39. no lie. hi mom. love you.
total quote by my mom, “…blah blah this is the BEST BOOK I HAVE EVER SEEEEN! everyone should have a copy of their own!”
she told me a story about my little cousin and how much of a hyper spazz she is. my mom and my niece were over at my nana and papa’s house with said cousin and my nana put sopranos on and bratkid was like I DON’T WANT TO WATCH THE SOPRANOOOOOS and then she screams out OK I’M GONNA COUNT THE FUCKS!!!
ONE FUCK TWO FUCKS THREE FUCKS FOUR FUUUUCKS ONE SHIT THAT’S TWO SHITS!
then my nana said she was going to get the soap and my niece chimes in NO i’ll get the soap! heh. good one niece!
then bratkid exclaims that she is going to do her sexy dance. i think she is 4 by the way, possibly 5.
so she starts grinding and humping the air and singing I’M A SEXY I’M SEXY I AM A SEXY I HAVE A DICK I HAVE A DICK I HAVE AN ASS!!
if i haven’t linked your blog yet it’s ‘cos i probably think that i already have you linked, or your blog is total crap, or i hate you. so email me your link and i will put it up nonetheless. if i write back and say make your blog better and i will link it don’t be offended, though i would probably only say that to the guys who email because they don’t have feelings.
i’m sorry to say that the best movie i have seen lately has queen latifah innit and that it is called beauty shop.
i’m all about the predictible plot, it’s so awesome.
especially when it’s about a woman who has been ‘dissed by her previous employer so starting her own salon as a fuck you to him is majorly necessary and then she has trouble getting a loan from the bank but no worries, give the teller a make-over in the bathroom using paperclips in her hair and shaazaaam!
and then there’s the pesky inspector who is always fining her and the employees who aren’t getting along and they all hate on the white girl and then there’s the dude who is miles out of latifah’s league that lusts for her but she’s all too career-oriented to notice and then that one employee who is a rebel and talks a lot of smack but eventually has an epiphany and is all “my bad” and turns into a nice person.
and of course the salon is broken into and trashed on the eve of her daughter’s piano recital, oh no!
but then the employees come together and renovate magically in 12 hours and the place is better than ever before and of course the vandalizing was all caught on tape by that kid who is always hanging around with a dv cam, wtf!?
anyway, best. movie. ever. kevin bacon is awesome innit, i mean it.
i think that i am getting sick a little bit, mayhaps.
last nite in front of the megatouch, elbow-deep in gins, i just wasn’t hitting the zone, not-fucking-once and the more i drank, the worse i got, the worse i got, the more i drank, the madder i got, the more money i spent. fuck that fucking fuck of a machine. FUCK.
fil and i are still working our way through the trilogy, again.
last nite i was rude to a girl kind of at the bar. she deserved it, that’s all i have to say.
