Where O where have you been my love?
Where O where can you be?
It’s been so long, since the moon has gone.
& 0 what a wreck you’ve made me.
Are you there over the ocean?
Are you there, up in the sky?
Until the return of my love
This lullabye
My Hope is on the horizon
Every face, it’s your eyes i can see
I plead, i pray through each night & day
Our Embrace is only a dream.
& as sure as days come from moments
Each hour becomes a life’s time
When she’d left, i’d only begun this lullabye
by the time i got to grade eight i had had enough of trying to be number one with my grades so i decided to get serious about slacking off and then my mum told me i had been chosen for valedictorian and thus had zero responsibilities for the rest of the school year outside of writing my speech and so i slacked on that until the very last nite and my mum asked to see it so i offered up a few pieces of crumply scrap paper with chicken scratch on ‘em and she was shocked.
i remember lying down on the basement couch, my dad in the rocking chair and my mum at the computer typing out my speech as i half-assedly dictated, it was maybe 1 in the morning by that point.
i cried at the end of saying it to the packed auditorium and i received a standing ovation.
and then i danced like the hugest slut ever with the dumbest boys in front of all of the teachers that were so fucking proud of me and my brains.
one said to my mother not to let me slack off, i could be a great big something if i tried.
heh.
i bumped into my highschool drama teacher at the canzine festival. she was sitting beside me. she said that my face had totally changed and i said what, you mean fatter? i had a beer in my hand. she looked exactly the same to me. i kind of rubbed her the wrong way in that class. i remember she had criticised something about my acting or whatever and i said a lot of shit back to her and she totally called me on being super defensive and it made me angrier, moreso cos she was right.
i met ward in that drama class. worst acting i ever saw.
i have to get my passport photo taken so i’ve been practising not smiling all day. i don’t feel like showering or washing my face today so i’ll go get it taken tomorrow.
hey gorgeous
when did you take the comments down?
i always miss them.
i remember once
we were all shooting junk in this sleezy hotel room in anaheim
and this whore that was with us
had veins that were so collapsed she had to get in the bathtub to
make them pop up before she could hit herself up
and we finally got her off
and she fucking od’d and died right there in the tub
danny and lissa dragged her across the street and put her behind the dumpster
and we were still in the hotel room getting loaded
when we heard the sirens of the ambulances coming to take her away
i was probably about the same age you are now at the time
and i am probably the same age that your father is now
drunk brave is the best brave.
get ready for a cool story.
last nite before the pubdezvous we went to brian and kat’s house to get wasted at their basement bar and play this poor man’s version of NTN where fil and i screamed in each other’s faces and got very competitive. yes a good time was had by all.
“I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!! oh what? we got that one right? ok.” hug hug.
then off to the pub where this drunktard birthday guy was tossed out and pretty much ruined everything for his buddies and i of course had to run out and smoke to watch the bitchfest and give my ten cents worth of what i think are amazing ‘disses and then i went to the bathroom and thought of all this other stuff i should have said like, insult the guy’s oversized shirt, yeah i know, fucking brilliant.
then a dear old friend i haven’t seen in years shows up and i was happy to see that her face was fatter and then i said a bunch of unintelligible stupid shit and she didn’t even say bye to me when she left.
WICKED!
I’M WICKED!
i was just going to step out to get something to eat from the restaurant next door but i think that it might be on fire right now. there’s a firetruck parked outside. too bad. it’s the only place i can go in town which isn’t bar-style where i wouldn’t feel like a complete fucking loser if i ate by myself.
i just cannot eat alone out in public, you have to make this big showy act of not seeming completely anxious and nervous and it’s like your being aloneness makes everyone notice you ten times more and the fact that i will look like the token strange fucked up girl with problems doesn’t help much.
it’s probably a good thing that the place is on fire.
phew.
i think i’ll eat a beer instead.
