i have to go meet fil at the bar but i just opened a beer, maybe i’ll take it as a to-go. the other nite i poured a tallboy into a pint glass and we were gonna go out and i was all hey man wouldn’t that be HALARIOUS if i just walked down the street with a pint of beer like SO FUNNY, fil didn’t really say anything. he’s getting betterer and betterer at tuning me out. if i showed up with a beer that i don’t normally order at the bar they’d be all WTF SISTER!?
a week ago at the pub i shoved my 3/4 full bottle of heineken into my jacket sleeve, thought better of it and put it in the front pocket of my baglady sweater, then i thought naah i should put it back into my jacket sleeve so it looks like i don’t have a left hand and i have to walk hunched over and my left arm is a foot longer than my right. i was doing this way out in the open also and just as i had changed my mind again and switched the bottle to my cardigan pocket this old couple walk by me and smile. they had been watching me the entire time and were laughing and shit.
good thing old people know better than to rat on you.
by the time i got to grade eight i had had enough of trying to be number one with my grades so i decided to get serious about slacking off and then my mum told me i had been chosen for valedictorian and thus had zero responsibilities for the rest of the school year outside of writing my speech and so i slacked on that until the very last nite and my mum asked to see it so i offered up a few pieces of crumply scrap paper with chicken scratch on ‘em and she was shocked.
i remember lying down on the basement couch, my dad in the rocking chair and my mum at the computer typing out my speech as i half-assedly dictated, it was maybe 1 in the morning by that point.
i cried at the end of saying it to the packed auditorium and i received a standing ovation.
and then i danced like the hugest slut ever with the dumbest boys in front of all of the teachers that were so fucking proud of me and my brains.
one said to my mother not to let me slack off, i could be a great big something if i tried.
heh.
i bumped into my highschool drama teacher at the canzine festival. she was sitting beside me. she said that my face had totally changed and i said what, you mean fatter? i had a beer in my hand. she looked exactly the same to me. i kind of rubbed her the wrong way in that class. i remember she had criticised something about my acting or whatever and i said a lot of shit back to her and she totally called me on being super defensive and it made me angrier, moreso cos she was right.
i met ward in that drama class. worst acting i ever saw.
i have to get my passport photo taken so i’ve been practising not smiling all day. i don’t feel like showering or washing my face today so i’ll go get it taken tomorrow.
i remember once we were all shooting junk in this sleezy hotel room in anaheim and this whore that was with us had veins that were so collapsed she had to get in the bathtub to make them pop up before she could hit herself up and we finally got her off and she fucking od’d and died right there in the tub danny and lissa dragged her across the street and put her behind the dumpster and we were still in the hotel room getting loaded when we heard the sirens of the ambulances coming to take her away
i was probably about the same age you are now at the time and i am probably the same age that your father is now
last nite before the pubdezvous we went to brian and kat’s house to get wasted at their basement bar and play this poor man’s version of NTN where fil and i screamed in each other’s faces and got very competitive. yes a good time was had by all.
“I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!! oh what? we got that one right? ok.” hug hug.
then off to the pub where this drunktard birthday guy was tossed out and pretty much ruined everything for his buddies and i of course had to run out and smoke to watch the bitchfest and give my ten cents worth of what i think are amazing ‘disses and then i went to the bathroom and thought of all this other stuff i should have said like, insult the guy’s oversized shirt, yeah i know, fucking brilliant.
then a dear old friend i haven’t seen in years shows up and i was happy to see that her face was fatter and then i said a bunch of unintelligible stupid shit and she didn’t even say bye to me when she left.
