it’s my birthday soon, i will be 24 on march 31 i can’t believe how much of a fucking fossil i am shut up everyone else who is older don’t take away from my going through oldness motions.
siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
and now i give you Imyar McJew:
pan’s labyrinth was sold out so we saw the number 23 instead. so it’s playing in one of those bigger theatres and it’s pretty empty and we are sitting closer to the front far away from everyone there are a million empty seats all around us and then this couple comes and SITS RIGHT BEHIND US AND THE GIRL IMMEDIATELY STARTS KICKING MY SEAT THE FUCKING HOUSELIGHTS ARE STILL ON AND ALREADY I WANT TO KILL HER. also the dude is talking super loud and smarmy, the only kind of smarmy you can tolerate if you are a part of the actual conversation but if you are forced to listen to it and not participate then you want to take the hair that grows near their ears and pull up (most painful) until it comes out in your hands.
so i go to fil lets move do you want to move do you really want to hear me sigh profusely throughout this entire movie? so he gets up gets his shit and leaves and i am collecting my hat mitts scarf purse jacket magazine and the magazine falls loudly to the floor and the couple are kind of like oh what’s going on? then the dude says I GUESS THE VOLUME AND CONTENT OF OUR CONVERSATION WAS OFFENSIVE to which i don’t say anything then i am grabbing my jacket and the guy repeats his little observation I GUESS THE VOLUME AND CONTENT OF OUR CONVERSATION WAS OFFENSIVE and then i looked him in the face and said NO YOU WERE KICKING OUR SEATS!! and they both got scared and felt ashamed and my whole i am angry aura was outshined by the belt on my jacket snagging on the armrest between the seats so i had to walk back over to them and their scared silence.
i also wanted to say of all the fucking places to sit and have your loud boring “controversial” conversation you had to sit right behind me WHY? why does the world hate me so much? ps. your conversation was lame if you want to have a controversy contest dude pick a place and time that ISN’T in a fucking movie theatre.
everytime we go to a movie while i am waiting for it to begin i take note of all the people who are getting on my nerves and think ok just enjoy sitting here cos it is the last time you will ever go to a movie theatre cos you are an angry fucking lunatic and then we always go back and then i think all over again this is the LAST TIME.
ok so the movie was good for ten minutes then sucked huge for 50 minutes the whole reading of the book part jim carey being like THIS BOOK THIS BOOK 23 23 23 BLA BLA BLAAAA it was like some cheesy sin city crap so then he’s finished it finally and then it gets good like msytery whodunnit? the good part lasts ten minutes maybe fifteen then it sucks huge until the end not lying. i asked fil a few times if we could leave. basically everything equals 23 – that lampost’s light flickers 20 times and then it hummed three times OOH THAT FUCKING MEANS SOMETHING RUN AWAY!
basically this movie is about me when i was manic crazy just before i went on lithium – writing on walls searching for patterns and connections and coincidences YOUR NAME IS TOM AND YOUR SHIRT IS YELLOW AND YOUR TIE IS BROWN and i turn that into something that is essentially NOTHING. fuck, crazy people are annoying and so is this movie.
you will hate jim carey’s wife, basically, the way the family reacts to his crazy is completely ridiculous, unethical, and the total opposite of REALITY. when the truth comes out about his past and how crazy he is she is all oh i love you and you love me you won’t hurt me even when he has a knife to her throat.
on our way home we pretended we were jim carey and looked for 23s then we saw a cop car and their new decal design and i said do they sell ice creams and popsicles too holy shitty tacky not at all scary and authoritative!
peep the sauce on my chin i went out like that the next day all day long
i just paid a huge cellphone bill i hate how they sneak up on you a month after your vacation cos the cycle starts halfway through the month i was all awesome my bill was only $77 wicked then i look at it today and saw my current balance was $162. i just wanted to share that depressing news with you guys. now i am going to buy eggs peppers onion cheese sausage (maybe shrimp) and have it ready for when fil gets back so we can eat and go see pan’s labyrinth i am homeslave.
i am also sad cos an old friend just cold-called me and tried to convince me to go to this thing on saturday, all of it pyramid-schemey, sigh, i thought he would be doing something way better with his life by now. he laid all those culty catch-phrases on me YOU WILL THANK ME SOMEDAY AND I WILL THANK YOU and THERE’S THIS NEW COMPANY I AM CHECKING OUT and YOU ARE GOOD WITH PEOPLE AND COS OF YOUR INTERNET BUSINESS YOU ARE PERFECT FOR THIS. he wouldn’t explain what it was on the fone he said it was too long and complicated to tell me on the fone um right cos i am a fucking retard and i can’t understand things on the telephone.
i came right out and asked if it was amway and he said no then i looked at the website which boasts INDEPENDENT REPRESENTATIVES and NETWORKING basically all a bunch of bullshit to distract simple-minded folk from the fact it is a fucking scam hey thanks for calling haven’t heard from you in years thanks for the business opportunity of a lifetime!
fil said i should call him back and tell him to fuck off i won’t cos i feel bad for him. i should have told him the catch-phrase this chick said to me in grade ten when she roped me into going to one of these things, she had cue-cards in her lap and preached to me the entire way to this amway function PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE TIME DON’T HAVE THE MONEY AND PEOPLE WHO HAVE MONEY, DON’T HAVE THE TIME and her dad punched his hand lightly to emphasise victory when i got home later that nite i said DAD YOU WERE RIGHT IT WAS FUCKING AMWAY!
the more i think about this the angrier i am holy fuck! when you say uh this is a pyramid scheme and they are like no well yes ok but it is different than the others. oh? how is one pyramid different from another pyramid, exactly? i guess these people need to try this out for a bit and get it out of their chromosome-extra systems. sigh.
i would post the link to this “business” but i am afraid they will come abduct me in the middle of the nite and throw me in a river.
watched babel in bed last nite and i was bored at some parts so i masturbated and fil was all you are disgusting there are people in agony in front of you how is this even possible what you’re doing? i told him i disassociate easily from things, it’s true, i could be reading ikea instructions draw a picture and masturbate all at once, i will stop bragging now and yes i did feel gross and disrespectful. so fil passed out at the halfway point and i was stuck alone to question my shitty existence thank you babel for beyond depressing me you’re a good movie and everything but holy shit way to throw reality in my face! oh what now a hot deaf girl who is so utterly crushingly alone and no one will fuck her cos she is deaf and mute that’s awesome make her get naked and denied by the entire universe TWO THUMBS UP!
the part that will mess you up is when brad pitt’s wife gets shot through the bus (if you are worried about the movie being spoiled and you are planning to write me a long annoying tell off letter you shouldn’t even be reading this post, dicksuck) so right before it happens they are in a little fight but she grabs his hand like i forgive you but i still hate you and that is something that would so happen to me and fil cos we are usually in a stupid fight 60% of the time. i asked him if he would lose his fucking mind if i got shot through a bus window and he said he would turn into superman. the other tourists on the bus deserve to be strangled cos they’re all WE ARE HOT LETS GO I NEED AIR CONDITIONING while brad is waiting for a doctor and then after all that waiting and complaining they fucking leave anyway hey thanks guys for abandoning my shot wife and i in the middle of nowhere.
if you feel like learning obvious things about the human spirit and being all mystified by it smoke a huge j and watch babel in your jogging pants and give pennies to unicef i dunno i was expecting jungle stuff like baraka oh i thought i was going to be watching that mel gibson movie, isn’t he insane? i <3 you mel. one more thing is brad pitt really that old looking cos obviously they aged him but to what degree? where does his aging end and the fake-agedness come into play? maybe he is supes getting old looking so he is all slather on the under eye bags please don’t hold back.
this guy likes my art, has other opinions too.
more fanmail, remember this chick?
You don’t know what beauty is you inarticulate egomaniac…
Your as common as they come.
I don’t walk around all the time putting everyone around me down to build myself up,
and brag about my good qualities…
Your a blah face:)
after forwarding it out to all my friends i wrote back this
it’s you’re
and to what are you referring to exactly? do you want to talk about it?
to which she replied finally many days later:
I don’t usually stoop to retarded behavior, but I’m going to now…
I’m prettier then you, and your a BIG blah face!
And your Creepy.
melissa
there has been a lurking melissa in my comments for awhile now, she fucked up and left her blog url and i fucked up by deleting it, anyway she is most certainly NOT pretty. still can’t spell, still has emotional problems i’m guessing she’s still in her teens.
what’s up with the girl stalkers? fuck off and watch single white female already.
here are some pictures from the movie shoot last week the quality is crap an extra took these with their cameraphone obvs. trying to get the slonkies in the middle i am the one partying alone dancing? still working on getting more and of better quality.
my bra was totally stuffed to give the impression of huge bajungas and it worked.
turns out the super annoying conversation that wasted twenty minutes of my life was a hoax! enjoy your 3 seconds in the spotlight, genius.
