me: the second coffee touches my lips i am going to be in the bathroom for an hour
Phil: ew for so many reasons
me: i said jill for your benefit from yesterdays pain remember when my face got slammed in the cab yesterday cos i was trying to yell out the window to samir who didnt even hear me stefan did tho my life sucks and my knee is scraped i may as well share this on my blog
Phil: yes
here’s what happened, our cab was cut off as i was leaning out the window screaming down the street at samir a happy birthday and the cabbie slammed on his breaks and my face smashed into the back of the passenger seat like in cliche movies and my knee got scraped on the midle armrest and the cabbie apologized a lot and i’m like no biggie but then sensed that i could get some sympathy out of the guy so i said well my knee is scraped in my oh shucks voice and then he apologized some more and lipped off the other car then me and fil had to act like it (me) wasn’t (isn’t) embarrassing, well i had to act like i didn’t care and fil had to pretend he didn’t know i was acting like i didn’t care. i am never saying bye to anyone ever again EVER from a cab i am not that guy who can pull it off even though i tried for a long time, that guy is someone else. sigh. jealous.
oh and my butt hurts from excessive wiping, that’s all.
and don’t be mad at me and make me feel worse about it fil did a shot of tequila and i didn’t yes that settles this!
i just went and stuffed in a thousand things into ONE washer, separating is for insert european country here, anyway this woman who is always doing laundry when i roll up was down there and using three machines, the rule is two, rules are stupid anyway, but the point is, three machines for a small amount of laundry spread out over three, when i am stuffing a ton of shit into one, my entire load tripled hers. so i am using the one closest to the door and her laundry cart was in my way the whole time and then when she moved to go she looked at me to move out of the way, i ignored her and i am pouring detergent into the cup like i am supposed to move while i am doing that? (neither of us said hello to each other when i entered, we used to but gave up on pretending we like each other) and so she loudly pulled it out to let me know that i am a bitch and had to push it around the table BIG DEAL right, well passive aggressively it is a big deal, because i won. i was so close SO CLOSE so close to saying oh you are using three machines? but i didn’t want her to think my point was about the laundry room rules, when actually my argument is about the conservation of water (she also had hot water instead of warm or cold) but i let it go, i figured she wouldn’t get it, no offense europe but you don’t exactly give a shit about saving water when it comes to laundry, it’s all a bottomless luxury and you feel it’s owed to you well you act like that anyway i can see it in your FACE! (yes i am totally generalising here based on the oh 200 european parents i have come across in my life), also, it was like a territorial thing too, she was like ahHa i have claimed 3 machines what are you going to do about it? she also looked me up and down i saw through the corner of my eye and i just bent over in my short shorts like a fuck you hag. the silence was tense, loud tense angry silence she was so waiting for me to say something.
so, should i go leave a note tack it on the corkboard or tape it to her machines or do nothing and wait ’til next time?
i looked inside all of them too and everything was the same colour so no need to separate.
oh i bet she will be an even huger asshole and use all four dryers too and she was loudly jangling her ziploc bag of quarters as she was leaving, her life is laundry.
honest ed’s soldiers. fil said if i blogged these i have to say that they depress him and make him want to kill himself because eating them is so white trash. yeah he’ll change his tune come saturday morning when his espresso is all irished up.
i got you in my sights ignore that whatever syrup glob.
i made fil a leftover lick’s burger and by made i mean toasted the bun nuked the patty and gave him some pepper brie on top best idea ever.
then he accompanied me on my sashimi adventure to criticize everything about how i eat and kept stopping himself then starting again. that black dude had an earring and a bag from the silver snail and had really loud opinions about microsoft, he reminded me of the black guy from the first season of the real world, the angry cheesy guy who fought with everyone and made everything a race-thing when actually everything was about how aggressive, argumentative and irritating he is. fucking shut up. no, it was about his earring!
and THIS cheesy blond curls chick on the right ungh she looked over at me and rolled her eyes when i swizzled my chopsticks together to get the slivers off, my ritual. it was loud for like two seconds and totally distracted her from the shitty conversation taking place fuck you we are in a fight now! she was wearing tacky wedding high heel sandals and a coral pink dress with swirly mystical garbage design. the other lady paid for everyone and was sporting a long librarian dress ew. i would kill myself if i was at their table.
starvlor! do you know what it is like to prepare a delicious hamburger on an empty stomach and then watch someone else eat it?
THEN IT STARTED RAINING! looks like the previous owners got out just in time.
i told fil i was in a sadness so i was having sake talk to the hand.
oh what a surprise making fun of my pinky AGAIN it’s called genetics you stupid dick.
this time i got sashimi supreme, for a dollar more you get 17 pieces which basically consist of that octopus and a few extras.
i gave fil the whatever is seared fish i don’t like it, peppery seared excuse me but i ordered sashimi not a steak.
sticky nerf paddle ball anyone?
the salmon was so perfect yesterday i am a full-blown lesbian yes, days i eat sashimi i can drink all i want and the next morning no weight gain.
oh how nice that the ceiling rained last nite during sashimi time for fifteen minutes.
i stuck it out anyway because i am rock and roll like that.
as fil was leaving he looked at me in this doing laundry dress and said oh can you do the laundry today? then i put on the belt and he said oh i HATE those high-waisted jeans (unsolicited confession!) they make my boner shrivel up inside my body – when he saw how high on my waist i was positioning the belt. that’s fine and kind of a relief cos if i wore those jeans i would have to be at least 3 sizes smaller and i don’t really see that happening in the next few months, but it doesn’t stop me from dreaming about wearing them and ps. those jeans are meant to be boner killers, they are for secret smug skinny girl self-important for no fucking reason society. i still would like fil to deliver his opinion to a gaggle of chicks at whatever next art hipster shithead party comes up, hot fil arrives and says excuse me but you made my penis die, sorry, have fun going home with ugly 20 year old ocad students for the next four years.
i saw a girl wearing them yesterday and she wasn’t fat but she wasn’t thin and the pants made her look like a fence. noted.
sorry yesterday was greasy vampire hair day. deals.
fil hates my dress, and asked if i was going to return it, it’s a table cloth. this was after he said meh to it when he came home, therefore you do not repeat your distaste of something MEN MAKE A NOTE. the woman eventually figures it out on her own you do not need to impart your manly wisdom and no, you aren’t helping. i’m going to keep it now just to spite him. oh on the way to get a movie the entire universe zoned in on me in this dress but i didn’t mention it. fil was acting like he was the victim and I am the one he insulted, I AM THE VICTIM. he said he doesn’t want to be with someone who can’t take what he says, not the point, i can and DO totally take what he says all the time, but in this situation, sorry no pass. then i said i don’t want to be with someone who always makes me carry the movie. anyway we are cool. we rented zodiac it is good but LONG.
Subject: every guy in the Mission wants to be your boyfriend…
dear raymi
I’ve written you before, and you were kind enough to respond, so I write again. It just wanted to write that it makes me laugh when I ride around in the Mission in San Francisco on my bike and see all the hipster guys and think they look a bit like Phil…hrmm…maybe they all read Raymitheminx and want to be Phil cause he’s hot and he has a hot girlfriend…it’s scary, I mean, lots of dudes who ape his style…but then no, it’s a coincidence, they’re not cool enough to read your blog…I’d take pics for proof, but I am too lazy…so, to end it, you’re pretty much the only personal blog I read on a regular basis…always good…thanks for working it.
+++
me: i think that men should be forced to pay for half of their gf’s purses cos we carry all their shit and they hound us WHERE IS YOUR PURSE I NEED SOMETHING and they go thru it constantly and re-arrange all your junk
