i’m going to do open mic tonite at this bar that thinks it’s the cultural pulse of the catskills (so isn’t) and leslie offered to pay me for every hippie i piss off, i’m going to start ‘er off with what’s orange and looks good on hippies? pause pause pause FIRE! then plop the mic to the floor and leave w/o even saying bye to her. or fil. if you have any other hippie jokes PLEASE leave them in my comments we are sitting here fucking hung taking turns sighing and moaning and listening to fil talk about his feelings. we can’t tell you the bar cos we don’t want you to come. oh this girl like yelled at me from across the empty bar/restaurant that i had nice boots and it made me uncomfortable. we were all wearing sunglasses at breakfast too. leslie is mysterious by the way. i might road-test my spiders material too or address everyone in the room individually and do a sweeping room ‘dis tour. hippies aren’t aggressive are they?
we are in the catskills with leslie til friday, we might go to manhattan to see jamie or meet him somewhere in between. i totally forgot what it was like to be amongst magnificent non-chalant pot-smoking poseurs, (the people here not leslie), anyway i like it i feel like i am on mars and keep forgetting we aren’t in canada. the wine store guy was baked and lazy and of no help and a car beeped outside and he was like what is that noise and leslie said oh isn’t it an alien implant? and he kind of freaked out looking under shelves for a message from the CIA and he was playing a guitar when we came in what a doink. then we had chinese food and the bartender was wearing tight leopard print hot pants and was maybe 50 and our waiter sucked his teeth and didn’t know what vermicelli was. we stayed up til 4 and my phone kept texting leslie all nite long repeat messages, cos it’s roaming i guess. leslie’s dog is cute and has diabetes and everytime i look at him i sigh out loud. fil drank a lot of wine last nite and then got emotional about cid and no one cared. this place is fucking whimsical and we have said that word like 300 times since being here. i can’t wait to hacky sack in the town square and buy a hooka sesh. this is where we are right now. JEALOUS MUCH!
that dress fits me again! fil just zipped it up for me and is so not getting the excitement i am feeling about it. i am wearing it right now and pretending i am southern. too bad the stains collected that very nite are still all over it. tropical drink booze party stains. oh well. i remember when i used to wear my hair like that all the time it was my signature look and i felt lost without it i look like i really like soccer. my ex bf mailed me some of my junk back in january and i was bummed the dress didn’t fit and almost gave it away to lise but her tits are too big so i hung onto it. can you get five year old stains out? i am going to wear it to dinner tonite stains and all i don’t care don’t stop me. oh also that nite i wiped out on my bike in that dress on dundas i am awesome. in that post i just linked i said dude shit totally stole last nite. DO NOT STEAL THAT YOU ASSHOLE HIPSTER WANNABES IT’S MINE FROM 2002 WHEN I WAS 19 BYE.
what else oh here i am also 19 at the gladstone karaoking before you did that too!
here i am at a baseball game before you even heard what baseball was.
look it’s me with a german girl who i got a job working as an online model i was hanging out on spadina avenue before you had legs.
i lost touch with this guy, one of my more classier stalkers.
yesterday’s head size started out on a small note then my head just progressively got bigger throughout the day.
dear WEIRD, yes, i received the memo.
smiling was not in vogue back then.
shitty toys too, i had a doll like this once and was super frustrated playing with it, the two girls never get to hang together.
EVERYTIME i close my browser all of my history deletes EVERYTIME so if i visit your blog be very flattered because i typed the entire address out no cheatsies auto-fill whatever that thing is called and be double flattered that i remembered you even had a blog at all i sit here thinking ok who to spy on next oh mr so and so’s blog i haven’t visitted yet type type type i am writing about anything that comes into my mind right now so i don’t have to do any chores.
oh and for the next two hours i don’t have any pants to wear either (laundry).
me: we are hung and have to clean the entire condo cos we are going away but dont have any organic lesbian eco-friendly paper towels we tried to get yesterday from noah’s they were out so we are in a lazy vortex of internet party in our underwear + wicked hung oh and we have to go to the suburbs by like 6 so i think i win for sucky day oh and have to do laundry too! and pack!
me: i hate cleaning the bathroom cos i find a million of my mile long hairs everywhere with dust and grime and fil never cleans the bathroom
Elizabeth: I love cleaning the bathroom with like comet and rubber gloves
me: i use fantastic we are out of windex ungh
Elizabeth: i like fantastick as well it is my second favourite jenna jameson is so skinny
me: i just farted and fil said WHAT!?
Elizabeth: Im worried about her i think she might have a drug problem
me: you are actually worrying about a porn star do you watch porno valley on fridays there are 4 back to back reality porn shows on showcase i love them when porn stars get emotional and try and have real lives like buying toys for their kids
Elizabeth: oh I havent ever seen that I should set my tivo HAHAHA I hate it when people talk about their tivo its for fags and bloated white people
me: ew that still exists bluh-hooop bluuuu-heeeep go away
Elizabeth: k so hes been on the phone 20 min I was ready to leave at 10
me: what are they talking about vodka? haha russian joke
last nite’s outfit was inspired by old men moms and slobs what else is new.
this is the restaurant that it started raining at except inside of the restaurant and i still go back, i don’t know the name it used to be called the sushi club. last nite’s service was terrible and it was empty hi try harder maybe your ceiling WAS RAINING THE LAST TIME I ATE HERE!
last nite my face was pretty big wtf.
‘cept for when i pose all dainty like that.
the superfan and glen.
edmondo’s tripod, it could even support fil’s camera.
we stayed up ’til 4am at the metropolitan suites. we saw augie march at lee’s then i got pushy and hung backstage and made them like me despite totally making fun of their #1 super fan every chance i got he kept going I SHIT YOU NOT! and I DON’T MEAN TO BE A JERK! and was wearing camping shorts. anyway then we went to green room then we went to their hotel and got ripped i tried to figure out what the number for dial a bottle was oops they only deliver during normal hours? then i told fil to call samir to call someone else oh double whoops it’s after 3 how did that happen? no matter lets drink ten dollar 50ml bottles of crown instead (ungh) and get existential. a good time was had by all. wendi are you alive still?
that chick was from spill magazine and did NOT like us at all, she was being very possessive and as she left said oh sorry i can’t stay and party with you guys blah blah uh was it offered to you? as she was taking pictures of them with her shittier than fil’s camera she was barking at them to look like they were having fun and it’s ok to have fun in this total bossy tone and obvs. has fun NEVER! she was basically wearing drapes too.
looking at adam (hat guy) all nite long kind of fucked with my head he looks like an ex bf.
